6th Grade Human Growth and Development

[NolegirlY2K]

my 6th grader is taking this now, and all week he had to ask us questions about when we were kids. The questions were about bullying, self-esteem, peer pressure etc. I know these questions were to open up dialogue between parents and kids. Last night he starts with the "sex Ed" questions which in general I don't have a problem with and don't shy away from, but there was this question that really pissed me off. "Why don't people talk about the emotional damage that sexual activity can cause?"

I'm sure the teacher will love my answer.....Sexual activity in itself does not cause emotional damage, lack of education and preparation about sex does.

To me this question perpetuates the negative connotation about sex and will make these kids ashamed. I'm disturbed by it, but don't know if there is anything I should/could do about it.

What say all of you??

 

[NoleGreg10]

I'd argue that the answer to the question if you consider it valid is that "people still believe sex to be a taboo subject if perceived in a negative way. Sexualization sells but the act itself still has is tough to talk about in negative light". I agree with you that because people are uncomfortable talking about they do not educate or prepare folks about sex. Now sexual activity at a very young age can cause damage but so can any abuse one could argue.

 

[JohnnieHolmesNole]

Sadly, our schools have become "sweep up centers" because a growing percentage of parents do crappy jobs at home. I am not defending whatever was taught to your kid. I'm just saying that our schools are not totally focused on school because so many kids come from completely dysfunctional environments. Sad.

 

[NolegirlY2K]

I just found that it promotes a "sex is bad" attitude. The very next question he had to ask us what we knew about STDs, I was a LD nurse for 8-9 years, I made sure he wrote that down, and that I knew more than the average person. The last question was "what do you believe to be the benefits of staying abstinent until married" a friend of mine had a field day with that one (also a nurse).

 

[Formerly Rockymtnole]

There's a lot in that question and I don't think it should've been phrased that way, but I think early sexual activity could certainly be problematic or cause emotional harm.

 

[Nole Lou]

I disagree with your premise, and we've taught our kids accordingly. I think you're playing with semantics a bit, or reading too much into it. It's like saying that cautioning your kids that car accidents can be devastating is teaching them that cars are evil and making them have an unhealthy attitude toward cars.

I've seen enough in my life that sex changes the game. You may envision a world where sex is like taking your shoes on and off, and it will get there for some people. But for teenagers...even if it does get there...do you want it to? Do you really WANT your teens to be so blasé about sex that it doesn't carry any emotional weight?

Being a teenager and teenage relationships are tough emotionally. There is a lot of fallout and damage...it's just the way things go. To boys and girls...I've seen people have years of their high school or even college ruined by bad breakups. To me, it's always worse/more difficult to get over when there's sex involved. Breakups are harder to endure, and from what I've seen, it's much harder for the parties to break up when there is a sexual relationship. Which leads to bad relationships extending and causing damage.

Sex is not a bad thing in the least...just like driving, or drinking a beer, or joining the army is not a bad thing. However, it is a HEAVY thing, and if you aren't thoughtful about it, then there can be pretty significant emotional repercussions, especially at a young age. Even if you manage to take ALL the emotional resonance of sex out for your kid, so that they can lay em and leave em without a second of regret or turbulence, the fact is that the OTHER person is very likely to be deeply moved by it, and if nothing else, they need to be prepared for that. You can't count on just being able to bang out some girl (or boy) for fun, and not leave emotional damage in it's wake.

To me, I agree with the premise that it's not talked about enough with kids. Maybe the question could have been worded more differently, or given more context, but I guess that's your job. But to deny the concept that sexual activity can cause emotional damage is naïve and not doing any favors, and probably makes it less likely that they avoid such damage. You wouldn't hide the idea that car wrecks can kill people, and expect that to make your kid a better driver.

 

[NolegirlY2K]

I'm not teaching my child that sex is not something to take seriously, you misunderstood my stance. I disagree with scare tactics and making kids fee ashamed of sex in general. My children will know sex in normal, nothing to be ashamed of, but still a serious thing to consider. I feel like that question was so poorly worded that it imply ALL sex is bad and I do have a problem with that. And all we do hear about is the "emotional damage" from sexual abuse, etc. and while that is important it is JUST AS important they learn sex is healthy and normal and doesn't cause emotional damage and that is what they are not getting. Mine will and my child will not be embarrassed to ask me questions because I talk freely and openly about sex, (age appropriate) stds, relationships etc. I'm not naive to think that at some point my children will not have sex because they will. I'm not naive at all when it comes to these issues. I just wish I had had the foresight to review the material before I let him participate because I did find out they used scare tactics of sexual abuse.

 

[Nolepharm]

I think all types of sex are bad...for a sixth grader. I'd be concerned if they were teaching it to a high school student that way.

 

[ward2dunn4six]

I'm a middle school science teacher. Our district purchased a curriculum that includes questions like this that students are supposed to ask their parents/guardians in an effort to open up a dialogue between them. We are required to use the curriculum as is and are discouraged from deviating from it. Unfortunately, it is your typical "abstinence-based" program in that it uses scare tactics to discourage teen sex and promotes a value system that not all of our students' families share.
Before the unit, I make sure to explain to my 7th graders that the curriculum, like many things, has an agenda. That agenda isn't necessarily good or bad, but it is important to understand that the lessons are coming from a relative "don't have sex" perspective. I tell them that they have to look at the curriculum as a source of information so that they can make up their own minds about good/bad, right/wrong. I am not their moral compass, neither is the curriculum; that is something that each of them must figure out with input from their families.
Finally, I point out that the curriculum also continuously refers to abstinence until marriage and that marriage may not be for everyone. Instead, we talk about a committed & monogamous relationship (which may or may not include marriage...I know...it's pretty p.c.).
When it comes to "discouraging sex", I try to phrase everything in terms of: Sex isn't a "bad" thing, it is part of life. However, there are physical and emotional risks that people encounter when they engage in sex outside of a committed & monogamous relationship. My job is to inform them of those risks so that they can make that decision for themselves.
To be quite honest, I'm not thrilled about being required to teach this unit, but it is my job and I do see a need for it. You'd be surprised how little these teenagers know about sex, STD's, pregnancy, and decision-making. I get some head-scratching questions every year.

 

[JohnnieHolmesNole]

I'm a middle school science teacher. Our district purchased a curriculum that includes questions like this that students are supposed to ask their parents/guardians in an effort to open up a dialogue between them. We are required to use the curriculum as is and are discouraged from deviating from it. Unfortunately, it is your typical "abstinence-based" program in that it uses scare tactics to discourage teen sex and promotes a value system that not all of our students' families share.
Before the unit, I make sure to explain to my 7th graders that the curriculum, like many things, has an agenda. That agenda isn't necessarily good or bad, but it is important to understand that the lessons are coming from a relative "don't have sex" perspective. I tell them that they have to look at the curriculum as a source of information so that they can make up their own minds about good/bad, right/wrong. I am not their moral compass, neither is the curriculum; that is something that each of them must figure out with input from their families.
Finally, I point out that the curriculum also continuously refers to abstinence until marriage and that marriage may not be for everyone. Instead, we talk about a committed & monogamous relationship (which may or may not include marriage...I know...it's pretty p.c.).
When it comes to "discouraging sex", I try to phrase everything in terms of: Sex isn't a "bad" thing, it is part of life. However, there are physical and emotional risks that people encounter when they engage in sex outside of a committed & monogamous relationship. My job is to inform them of those risks so that they can make that decision for themselves.
To be quite honest, I'm not thrilled about being required to teach this unit, but it is my job and I do see a need for it. You'd be surprised how little these teenagers know about sex, STD's, pregnancy, and decision-making. I get some head-scratching questions every year.

Why are so many teachers having sex with students these days? Weird.

 

[Lemon Thrower]

the public schools do such a good job with everything else, it so surprising they didn't get this 100% right too.

 

[Nole Lou]

"However, there are physical and emotional risks that people encounter when they engage in sex outside of a committed & monogamous relationship."

I think this is spot on. And I think it's true that the emotional risks are not talked about enough probably.

So maybe there was a more elegant way of phrasing the original question, but I think the concept of trying to bring the emotional risks to the discussion is a good one.

 

[NolegirlY2K]

"However, there are physical and emotional risks that people encounter when they engage in sex outside of a committed & monogamous relationship."

I think this is spot on. And I think it's true that the emotional risks are not talked about enough probably.

So maybe there was a more elegant way of phrasing the original question, but I think the concept of trying to bring the emotional risks to the discussion is a good one.

But see there's my point, if children/teens/Tweens are properly educated about sex and preparing them for healthy sexual relationships than there won't be "emotional damage" sex doesn't cause that, it's our societies fear of talking about sex positively, instead we use scare tactics to try and prevent them from engaging in sex and we all know how well that works out. And I agree sex at too young of an age is horrible. These kids need to be taught about sexual abuse and I'm ok with that, but to make it seem all first time experiences are awful is a scare tactic plain and simple.
But if we teach not to make the decision lightly and that sex is good when the situation is appropriate, (age, relationship factors, maturity, etc. I refuse to say marriage bc that's not realistic) and we know abstinence until marriage eduction doesn't work, that the "emotional" issues will be decreased.

It's really interesting and I will have to see if I can find the study, but one study found that college males self-esteem was increased after sexual encounters and females were decreased. What does this say about our societal views?

And it absolutely blows my mind that they taught all about STDs but never once mentioned that they can be transmitted through oral sex (esp herpes) this is one thing these kids are more likely to do than anything else! They believe they are saving themselves but opening up to just as many problems.

I was a LD nurse for far too long, have taken care of 12-13 yo girls who had babies, treated STDs, and I will educate my children to take appropriate precautions without unrealistic expectations.

When my son did ask me if you have to be married to have sex I was honest with him. I said No, but he should care about the person deeply and always use protection. I refuse to shame or scare my kids, and my 12 yo son feels comfortable asking me anything because of it, he knows I will be 100% honest with him, I don't sugar coat anything.

 

[321Nole]

You're making a real mistake if you teach anything other than it being like a handshake, but with you're privates.