Venting on my lunch break, had to get it off my chest.
Little background on what has been going on for the past year. This is going to be lots of reading, you can SKIP TO THE END mark, if you want to skip the background.
So my wonderful SIL (one of my wife's younger sisters, let's call her SIL#2) is a drug addict with a long criminal past. SIL#2 is about 15 months younger than my wife (currently 30 years old) and has been in and out of jail, rehab clinics, etc, since I first met her around 6 years ago or so.
I've only seen SIL#2 in-person on 4 occasions that I can recall:
Ok, so to fill in those gaps, every single time I've seen SIL#2 she's been on drugs. To add to that, she's created a headache for both my wife and SIL#3 (wife's youngest sister).
MAY 2014:
A year ago yesterday, SIL#2 gave birth to a baby girl. We didn't think there was any way she could possibly give birth to a living child given how skinny she was when we saw her at Easter just 6 weeks before she delivered her baby. To top it off, she gave birth to her 2 months premature and the baby was admitted into NICU. The premature delivery was caused by drug use at the time. The baby was delivered with cocaine, meth, marijuana and alcohol in her system. Baby stayed in the hospital for 2 weeks to get the drugs out of her system (went through withdrawal) and to get her weight up. Baby was taken into custody by State of Florida and placed into temporary foster care, without contacting family to see if any relatives were willing to take temporary custody of the child. Part of this may have been because the baby was delivered in Naples (where SIL#2 was living with her boyfriend and his family). The rest of the family lives in Boynton, Tallahassee or out of state.
JUNE/JULY 2014:
Fast forwarding past the freak out of when my MIL find out baby is in state custody while SIL#2 lies to everyone telling them that the baby is just in the hospital for observation, we get a letter from the state asking for any interested relatives who are willing to take custody or possibly adopt to get in touch with a case worker. My wife and I have a son who was 10 months old at the time. We mulled over every situation and scenario, and decided we wanted to help. Started the process of working with DCF and even drove down to Naples to visit the baby (who was absolutely tiny physically). She was about 7 weeks old when we visited her for the first time.
AUGUST 2014
After a month or so, we were granted temporary custody of the child as relative guardians. At the hearing, SIL#2 and her boyfriend showed up high on drugs. Little did they know they'd be tested for drugs. The Judge blasted them and didn't put up with their stories and lies, including trying to badmouth us as parents.
OCTOBER 2014:
The next few months go along fairly well. SIL#2 goes AWOL and DCF can't get a hold of her so it seems like things will move quickly to where we can adopt my niece. Then, suddenly, she appears in court surprisingly (she hadn't responded and everything thought she'd miss her 2nd straight hearing). Not only does she appear, but she decides she is going to tell the judge a sob story about how we wouldn't be good parents to her daughter and would mistreat her and so forth, even though we have regular DCF visits, guardian ad litem visits, wellness checks, etc. I mean, come on. Judge says we have to start working with her to give her a chance to see the baby. We decide to share our dropbox account link (view only) so she can see pictures and such. We also offer to do video chats so she can see the baby. SIL#2 and her boyfriend make one video chat and do so in the dark so we cannot see their faces. They ask a bunch of odd questions and we start wondering what they're up to.
NOVEMBER 2014:
Next thing you know, they lawyer up and sign over their consent to a private adoption agency so that we cannot adopt our niece... over Thanksgiving weekend of all times.
DECEMBER 2014 to MARCH 2015:
So now we are forced to get a lawyer to help fight the process. Meanwhile SIL#2 goes AWOL again and leaves us to pick up the pieces of fighting this adoption agency for custody.
APRIL 2015:
After several hearings and months of dragging the process on, a judge rules that being placed in our custody is what is best for the child. The adoption agency is out of the picture. Judge also changes the case plan for SIL#2 from REUNIFICATION to ADOPTION OF THE CHILD and DCF starts proceedings to terminate parental rights through the courts. That was set to happen on May 28, at which point adoption proceedings would begin. DCF urged SIL#2 and boyfriend to surrender their rights voluntarily so things can move on and adoption proceedings can begin, but SIL#2 goes AWOL again and cannot be reached.
SKIP TO THE END part
May 18, 2015:
Yesterday, on my nieces first birthday (prob not a coincidence), we get an email from our DCF case worker that SIL#2 and her boyfriend have both voluntarily surrendered their parental rights. 10 days before it would have happened anyway. While it sounded like a great thing at first, SIL#2 then decides she's done something wonderful for us. she proceeds to start asking for photos, then later demanding photos of "her girl" and talking about a sob story about how hard her life has been and how she really needs the family to help her (again, as has been the case all her life). She had a similar text string with us back in September of last year, almost word for word the same conversation. Talking about how she's broken up with her boyfriend and she's going to turn her life around and put things together. She continues to text as if she's done us some great big favor, ignoring the fact that her signing over consent to that adoption agency forced us to have to hire a lawyer and cost us a few grand in legal fees, plus stress, additional hearings, etc.
These texts (About 20 of them) go on for hours, until she finally starts begging for my wife to send pictures because she can't take it anymore. I tell my wife to just ignore her, as nothing good so far has ever come when we respond to her texts. Told her to tell SIL#2 to call us on the phone to talk, as we are not going to communicate via text message (for legal reasons).
This whole thing has got my wife (who is also 7 months pregnant right now) turned into an emotional wreck. Going to have a call with our lawyer tonight on how to proceed. I'm a little nervous about what's going to happen with SIL#2 after we adopt. I warned my wife that it was possible (even likely) that SIL#2 was going to try to get the baby back later in life or try to re-insert herself in her life. Going to talk to our lawyer about the possibility of getting a restraining order and what legal recourse we have to ensure the safety of our family.
Good thing for us is she currently resides 7 hours away, but who knows with drug addicts.
Some of the stuff I left out along the way is all the stuff we've had to do for the baby. Mental health specialists, Early Interventionists, physical therapy, tests and screenings, reflux and vomiting after eating (first couple of months, and randomly since then), food allergies, DCF home studies and visitations, Guadian Ad Litem visitations and reports, and a bunch of others I can't think of off the top of my head.
Anyone go through something like this? I know it's a lot to read and I left a bunch out, but felt like I needed to get it off my chest.
Little background on what has been going on for the past year. This is going to be lots of reading, you can SKIP TO THE END mark, if you want to skip the background.
So my wonderful SIL (one of my wife's younger sisters, let's call her SIL#2) is a drug addict with a long criminal past. SIL#2 is about 15 months younger than my wife (currently 30 years old) and has been in and out of jail, rehab clinics, etc, since I first met her around 6 years ago or so.
I've only seen SIL#2 in-person on 4 occasions that I can recall:
- At my wife's grad school graduation (we'd been dating for about a year at that point) (Aug 2007)
- Thanksgiving the year after my wife and I started dating (Nov 2007)
- Visiting family, she came to breakfast with her dad after Wife's grandfather died (May 2013)
- Easter dinner a year ago when she was 6 months pregnant with a baby (April 2014)
Ok, so to fill in those gaps, every single time I've seen SIL#2 she's been on drugs. To add to that, she's created a headache for both my wife and SIL#3 (wife's youngest sister).
- SIL#2 used my wife's name when she was arrested about 6 months before my wife and I were married. this caused my wife to have to travel down to south Florida to clear her name (as they put out a warrant for her arrest) and fill out paperwork for identity theft (Jan 2009)
- SIL#2 used SIL#3's name for a hospital stay, causing collections to go after SIL#3. SIL#3 had to file charges with the police against SIL#2 (Circa 2010)
MAY 2014:
A year ago yesterday, SIL#2 gave birth to a baby girl. We didn't think there was any way she could possibly give birth to a living child given how skinny she was when we saw her at Easter just 6 weeks before she delivered her baby. To top it off, she gave birth to her 2 months premature and the baby was admitted into NICU. The premature delivery was caused by drug use at the time. The baby was delivered with cocaine, meth, marijuana and alcohol in her system. Baby stayed in the hospital for 2 weeks to get the drugs out of her system (went through withdrawal) and to get her weight up. Baby was taken into custody by State of Florida and placed into temporary foster care, without contacting family to see if any relatives were willing to take temporary custody of the child. Part of this may have been because the baby was delivered in Naples (where SIL#2 was living with her boyfriend and his family). The rest of the family lives in Boynton, Tallahassee or out of state.
JUNE/JULY 2014:
Fast forwarding past the freak out of when my MIL find out baby is in state custody while SIL#2 lies to everyone telling them that the baby is just in the hospital for observation, we get a letter from the state asking for any interested relatives who are willing to take custody or possibly adopt to get in touch with a case worker. My wife and I have a son who was 10 months old at the time. We mulled over every situation and scenario, and decided we wanted to help. Started the process of working with DCF and even drove down to Naples to visit the baby (who was absolutely tiny physically). She was about 7 weeks old when we visited her for the first time.
AUGUST 2014
After a month or so, we were granted temporary custody of the child as relative guardians. At the hearing, SIL#2 and her boyfriend showed up high on drugs. Little did they know they'd be tested for drugs. The Judge blasted them and didn't put up with their stories and lies, including trying to badmouth us as parents.
OCTOBER 2014:
The next few months go along fairly well. SIL#2 goes AWOL and DCF can't get a hold of her so it seems like things will move quickly to where we can adopt my niece. Then, suddenly, she appears in court surprisingly (she hadn't responded and everything thought she'd miss her 2nd straight hearing). Not only does she appear, but she decides she is going to tell the judge a sob story about how we wouldn't be good parents to her daughter and would mistreat her and so forth, even though we have regular DCF visits, guardian ad litem visits, wellness checks, etc. I mean, come on. Judge says we have to start working with her to give her a chance to see the baby. We decide to share our dropbox account link (view only) so she can see pictures and such. We also offer to do video chats so she can see the baby. SIL#2 and her boyfriend make one video chat and do so in the dark so we cannot see their faces. They ask a bunch of odd questions and we start wondering what they're up to.
NOVEMBER 2014:
Next thing you know, they lawyer up and sign over their consent to a private adoption agency so that we cannot adopt our niece... over Thanksgiving weekend of all times.
DECEMBER 2014 to MARCH 2015:
So now we are forced to get a lawyer to help fight the process. Meanwhile SIL#2 goes AWOL again and leaves us to pick up the pieces of fighting this adoption agency for custody.
APRIL 2015:
After several hearings and months of dragging the process on, a judge rules that being placed in our custody is what is best for the child. The adoption agency is out of the picture. Judge also changes the case plan for SIL#2 from REUNIFICATION to ADOPTION OF THE CHILD and DCF starts proceedings to terminate parental rights through the courts. That was set to happen on May 28, at which point adoption proceedings would begin. DCF urged SIL#2 and boyfriend to surrender their rights voluntarily so things can move on and adoption proceedings can begin, but SIL#2 goes AWOL again and cannot be reached.
SKIP TO THE END part
May 18, 2015:
Yesterday, on my nieces first birthday (prob not a coincidence), we get an email from our DCF case worker that SIL#2 and her boyfriend have both voluntarily surrendered their parental rights. 10 days before it would have happened anyway. While it sounded like a great thing at first, SIL#2 then decides she's done something wonderful for us. she proceeds to start asking for photos, then later demanding photos of "her girl" and talking about a sob story about how hard her life has been and how she really needs the family to help her (again, as has been the case all her life). She had a similar text string with us back in September of last year, almost word for word the same conversation. Talking about how she's broken up with her boyfriend and she's going to turn her life around and put things together. She continues to text as if she's done us some great big favor, ignoring the fact that her signing over consent to that adoption agency forced us to have to hire a lawyer and cost us a few grand in legal fees, plus stress, additional hearings, etc.
These texts (About 20 of them) go on for hours, until she finally starts begging for my wife to send pictures because she can't take it anymore. I tell my wife to just ignore her, as nothing good so far has ever come when we respond to her texts. Told her to tell SIL#2 to call us on the phone to talk, as we are not going to communicate via text message (for legal reasons).
This whole thing has got my wife (who is also 7 months pregnant right now) turned into an emotional wreck. Going to have a call with our lawyer tonight on how to proceed. I'm a little nervous about what's going to happen with SIL#2 after we adopt. I warned my wife that it was possible (even likely) that SIL#2 was going to try to get the baby back later in life or try to re-insert herself in her life. Going to talk to our lawyer about the possibility of getting a restraining order and what legal recourse we have to ensure the safety of our family.
Good thing for us is she currently resides 7 hours away, but who knows with drug addicts.
Some of the stuff I left out along the way is all the stuff we've had to do for the baby. Mental health specialists, Early Interventionists, physical therapy, tests and screenings, reflux and vomiting after eating (first couple of months, and randomly since then), food allergies, DCF home studies and visitations, Guadian Ad Litem visitations and reports, and a bunch of others I can't think of off the top of my head.
Anyone go through something like this? I know it's a lot to read and I left a bunch out, but felt like I needed to get it off my chest.
