Lost the Airplane Seat Lottery Today

[PoopandBoogers]

Sat next to Grimace who was pushing 3 bills on a flight from Orl to NY today. She smelled like a stale bag of cool ranch and had to get the seatbelt extension, then she snored until the snack cart came by. Her right ham hock and side rolls flopped over 10 mins into the flight, so I had to sit turned towards the window until I had enough and told her to budge her fudge over towards her side. This was without a doubt the worst passenger I've had to sit next to.

 

[Urban Cryer]

Bwahahahahahahahaha! Wow!

 

[Hayduke GW]

that's terrible.

fatties are gross.

 

[troyboyone]

Paisley Moo-Moo and fingers that look like viena sausages - GOOD TIMES!!

 

[NoleMac]

That's a woman?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??! Yow....

Anyway, I have had that experience a few times. Last time, I was home free. Seat next to me was open...life was good, all smiles. Then...JUST before the door closed (I thought we were pushing back.......big guy gets on the plane. 350, 5'11 and 3/4". Goodbye free space or rather any space. That guy smelled like he had not showered for a few days. Sucks.

 

[JohnnieHolmesNole]

These are classics, and thank you for sharing. Some of these pictures/stories also accurately describe the Doak Campbell experience, where FSU sells 300+ pounders single 14" seats (and basically says "deal with it" to the unfortunate normal-sized neighbors who sit next to them). That drives me insane.

Airline travel has deteriorated into a complete nightmare. If it is possible to drive in lieu of flying, I am always driving. And unless the new Champions Seats eliminate the corresponding problem at Doak, I'll be turning in those wings too.

 

[MVT ATLANTA]

Could have been worse, she could have been wearing a tank top.

 

[Noles229]

Yikes, kill it with fire

 

[West Duval Nole]

That's a woman?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??! Yow....

Anyway, I have had that experience a few times. Last time, I was home free. Seat next to me was open...life was good, all smiles. Then...JUST before the door closed (I thought we were pushing back.......big guy gets on the plane. 350, 5'11 and 3/4". Goodbye free space or rather any space. That guy smelled like he had not showered for a few days. Sucks.

I showered and even put on deodorant.

 

[noleit]

How did the food cart get by her?

 

[RunRonnieRun]

What kind of shady airline are you flying on? Everything about that picture looks gross.

 

[PoopandBoogers]

What kind of shady airline are you flying on? Everything about that picture looks gross.

It was a JetBlue flight, which normally I have zero problems with. Plenty of legroom, tv with multiple espns, etc. I honestly think I could have hit the mile high club with one of her side folds at one point.

 

[KitingHigh]

It was a JetBlue flight, which normally I have zero problems with. Plenty of legroom, tv with multiple espns, etc. I honestly think I could have hit the mile high club with one of her side folds at one point.

I just threw up in my mouth a bit. I managed to swallow it back down but the taste is lingering. Thanks.

 

[NoleFan2U]

I honestly think I could have hit the mile high club with one of her side folds at one point.

Now that's something to brag about!

 

[SoProudNole]

Instead of ridiculing, with a better attitude OP could have WON the airline seat lottery.

 

[cmanole]

Phillip Seymore Hoffman is not dead...

 

[EveryoneBleedsGarnet]

I am not going to laugh at this and gain bad karma because I am flying in peasant class from Daytona to Vegas at the end of the month. Most of the time when I fly I'm with my Dad, he's a Diamond member with Delta and he always upgrades us to first class. Makes a huge different. Never have to worry about a potential grimmace.

 

[Lemon Thrower]

Phillip Seymore Hoffman is not dead...

underrated post.

 

[Lemon Thrower]

 

[Manch.]

That is exactly why I refuse to pay $130 a ticket for those tiny, 1912 seats at Fenway Park.

 

[RunRonnieRun]

That's a train, bro.

 

[Manch.]

And looking at the pic again, the OP doesn't quite look 5' 6", 165 lbs.

 

[Formerly Rockymtnole]

I am not going to laugh at this and gain bad karma because I am flying in peasant class from Daytona to Vegas at the end of the month. Most of the time when I fly I'm with my Dad, he's a Diamond member with Delta and he always upgrades us to first class. Makes a huge different. Never have to worry about a potential grimmace.

Bad karma = calling economy "Peasant Class" while flying up front on your father's status.

 

[NoleMac]

I showered and even put on deodorant.

Dammit Duval, I knew that was you. When I fly in and out of JIA, I am always on the look-out for you. Proceed to the rear of the plane next time.

 

[TarponSpringsNole]

Usually praying works for me.
"Please God. Keep going. That's it. Keep going. You don't want to sit here. That's it."

Oh. And shouldn't you be in first class anyway?

Peasant.

 

[321Nole]

And looking at the pic again, the OP doesn't quite look 5' 6", 165 lbs.

That's his belly hanging out the bottom of his shirt.

 

[EveryoneBleedsGarnet]

Bad karma = calling economy "Peasant Class" while flying up front on your father's status.

Touche my man, Touche.

 

[Formerly Rockymtnole]

That's a woman?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??! Yow....

Anyway, I have had that experience a few times. Last time, I was home free. Seat next to me was open...life was good, all smiles. Then...JUST before the door closed (I thought we were pushing back.......big guy gets on the plane. 350, 5'11 and 3/4". Goodbye free space or rather any space. That guy smelled like he had not showered for a few days. Sucks.

I long ago stopped choosing the exit rows in the event I didn't get upgraded, because it always seemed like there was a big, chunky, sweaty, khaki and logo polo-clad sales guy ready to plop down next to me. Rarely any women in those rows. I started getting the bulkhead window and a much more pleasant trip.

 

[PoopandBoogers]

And looking at the pic again, the OP doesn't quite look 5' 6", 165 lbs.

That's his belly hanging out the bottom of his shirt.

Yeah Manch, that's part of the problem. I'm 6'3" 225 so it's tough enough to get room next to a regular person. That is my left shoulder/arm turned towards the window so I don't touch her KS lesion or whatever the hell that thing is. Her forearm was friggin huge and had enough mass that gnats were rotating around it. Once she fell asleep, her trunk forcefully plopped over the arm rest right into me, it was like gravity got jealous of her and took over with zero effs given. I had to move around a bit to not touch it, which woke her up, so I asked her for more room, but gravity kept winning. I eventually reclaimed some of my space, but was disgusted and uncomfortable the rest of the flight cause I didn't want to catch the fats.

And 321- don't be jealous little bro, one day both your pipsqueak arms will one day be the size of one of mine. At least you know you have the genetic potential.

 

[Formerly Rockymtnole]

Yeah Manch, that's part of the problem. I'm 6'3" 225 so it's tough enough to get room next to a regular person. That is my left shoulder/arm turned towards the window so I don't touch her KS lesion or whatever the hell that thing is. Her forearm was friggin huge and had enough mass that gnats were rotating around it. Once she fell asleep, her trunk forcefully plopped over the arm rest right into me, it was like gravity got jealous of her and took over with zero effs given. I had to move around a bit to not touch it, which woke her up, so I asked her for more room, but gravity kept winning. I eventually reclaimed some of my space, but was disgusted and uncomfortable the rest of the flight cause I didn't want to catch the fats.

And 321- don't be jealous little bro, one day both your pipsqueak arms will one day be the size of one of mine. At least you know you have the genetic potential.

Maybe she was only pretending to sleep and wanting to give you a HJ or something.
You should've played along...could have joined the Mile Wide Club.

 

[PoopandBoogers]

Maybe she was only pretending to sleep and wanting to give you a HJ or something.
You should've played along...could have joined the Mile Wide Club.

Hmmm, you might be right, but those pretend snorts were only daytime emmy worth, so I don't know if she was truly committed to the craft. But those death grip forearms and warm, chubby paws might have been worth a purse KO for a once in a lifetime no look handy. Probably would have had to wrap the barf bag around it to prevent the greyscale on the ol dingaling doe.

 

[NoleMac]

GoT reference now ITT

 

[FSU_Chris]

GoT reference now ITT

I'm diamond in delta and it helps getting upgraded or at least sitting in exit row. Mostly other business travelers and you can largely avoid this.

I fly every week for work and have sat next to head scratchers. One lady on a flight to Frankfort Germany had legitimate barnacles on her elbows and skin creases and smelled like cheese. I also had another lady who once touched my side from her leg to shoulder because her body spilled over the chair.

 

[osceola63]

Sat next to Grimace who was pushing 3 bills on a flight from Orl to NY today. She smelled like a stale bag of cool ranch and had to get the seatbelt extension, then she snored until the snack cart came by. Her right ham hock and side rolls flopped over 10 mins into the flight, so I had to sit turned towards the window until I had enough and told her to budge her fudge over towards her side. This was without a doubt the worst passenger I've had to sit next to.

I won't sit against the bulkhead anymore. It's aisle seat or nothing for me.

A few years ago on a flight from Tampa to LA I got trapped by a 300 lb Hindu fella. He fell asleep almost immediately leaving me unable to take a pizzle for hours. Never mind the fact that curry isn't the replacement for a shower....which he didn't seem to realize.