QB Tim Teabag Height: 6-foot-3 Weight: 229 pounds Hometown: St. Augustine, FL Teabag takes over at quarterback, replacing four-year starter and special ed student Chris Leak. Teabag is a well-rounded quarterback who possesses the speed of a fullback, the arm of a shot-putter and the brains of a squirrel. Timmy is a Leo who enjoys coloring books and long walks on the beach with head coach Urban Meyer. RB Anonymous Height: 5-foot-9 or 10 Weight: about 190 pounds or so Hometown: Hawgtown, these days Really doesn't matter. Someone will start, then be unceremoniously yanked and replaced by someone equally inept. In the end, Percy Harvin and Teabag will carry the ball 90% of the time. WR Andre Caldwell Height: 6-foot-1 Weight: 200 pounds Hometown: Tampa, FL Known affectionately to his teammates as "Bubba" ("Just like one o' them redneck boys. Can you believe that?"), he is widely known to fans as "the one that wasn't good enough to jump to the NFL." According to his brother, Reche, "He's no Reche." WR Louis Murphy Height: 6-foot-3 Weight: 190 pounds Hometown: St. Petersburg, FL Yeah, we've never heard of him either. WR Percy Harvin Height: 5-foot-11 Weight: 178 pounds Hometown: Virginia Beach, VA The talent. If anything happens to this kid, the Gators couldn't find the endzone with three roadmaps, an advanced GPS system and a full search party. Folks all over hawgtown are pouring into churches in droves, praying for the health of Harvin's bones, muscles and joints. Alachua County State Attorney Cervone has purchased two new document shredders "just in case." TE Cornelius Ingram Height: 6-foot-4 Weight: 225 pounds Hometown: Hawthorne, FL The former quarterback recruit recently received a note on University of Illinois Athletics Department stationary that read, "Just kidding." OL Jason Watkins Height: 6-foot-6 Weight: 160 pounds Hometown: Lakeland, FL This is what stands between Teabag and large, angry men looking to visit harm upon him. Let us pray... OL Maurkice Pouncey Height: 6-foot-4 Weight: 311 pounds Hometown: Lakeland, FL Hey hey hey! "Timmy, I'll protect your back. You have my word. And I think you know how much my word is worth." OL Jim Tart Height: 6-foot-3 Weight: 305 pounds Hometown: Sopchoppy, FL That hometown: we're not makin' that up. According to head coach Urban Meyer, "I like the way he talks and he likes the way I talk." Tart enjoys biscuits and mustard, mm-hmm. OL Carlton Medder Height: 6-foot-5 Weight: 320 pounds Hometown: Clermont, FL Medder still can't believe it's not butter. OL Drew Miller Height: 6-foot-5 Weight: 292 pounds Hometown: Sarasota, FL According to head coach Urban Meyer, "He's large." Once ate a box of chocolates and opined, "That Forrest Gump is full of ----." K Chris Hetland Height: 6-foot-0 Weight: 184 pounds Hometown: Leesburg, GA No, he's not 13. DE Jermaine Cunningham Height: 6-foot-4 Weight: 212 pounds Hometown: Stone Mountain, GA Says head coach Urban Meyer of Cunningham, "Who?" DE Derrick Harvey Height: 6-foot-4 Weight: 260 pounds Class Year: Jr Experience: 2V Hometown: Greenbelt, MD Never before has any player ever garnered as much hype from one performance than Harvey for his performance in the Fiesta Bowl. Says head coach Urban Meyer, "If I'd known he could play like that, maybe I'd have actually suspended Moss per team policy for failing drug tests." DT Clint McMillan Height: 6-foot-1 Weight: 282 pounds Hometown: Oviedo, FL Start sucking up to him now. By this time next year, he'll be the man to see for a great deal on a used car. DT Height: 6-foot-1 Weight: 280 pounds Hometown: Miami, FL We know what you're thinking: Two defensive tackles at 6'1"? Yeah, we're thinking the same thing. But, hey, 6'1" wasn't a bad height when we were hyping him as the linebacker of the future. LB John Jones Height: 6-foot-3 Weight: 205 pounds Hometown: Sarasota, FL There's a reason no photo is available. LB Dustin Doe Height: 6-foot-2 Weight: 206 pounds Hometown: Jasper, FL At least he gets a photo. LB Brandon Spikes Height: 6-foot-4 Weight: 235 pounds Hometown: Shelby, NC Yeah, you're reading through the linebackers and get as far as Brandon S. and you think they'll be okay, but then you see that it doesn't end with "iler" and, well, it is what it is. That hair really isn't inspiring confidence, either. CB Markihe Anderson Height: 5-foot-10 Weight: 170 pounds Hometown: Fort Meyers, FL We could have put in a photo of pretty much anyone and you'd never have known the difference. CB Wondy Pierre-Louis Height: 6-foot-0 Weight: 175 pounds Hometown: Naples, FL He's got it all: the name, the hair... S Tony Joiner Height: 5-foot-11 Weight: 200 pounds Hometown: Haines City, FL Also known as "the DB you've heard of before." S Kyle Jackson Height: 6-foot-0 Weight: 200 pounds Hometown: Neptune Beach, FL Narrowly edged out Bubba Caldwell as player voted "Looks Most Like Lon Cheney".