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Birds and the bees talk

Formerly Rockymtnole

Ultimate Seminole Insider
Feb 9, 2013
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Those of you with older kids, how detailed did you get when talking about sex generally? Did you keep it high level or really get into specifics?

My dad did the whole "you probably know everything but let me know if you have any questions" approach. And I had friends whose dads said bang all the girls you want just don't get anyone pregnant. I'm sure there's a good middle ground in there somewhere.
 
Uh...they have classes in school now so I don’t have to do that. The only talk I had with my dad was when my mom told me that a girl had called again my dad spun around and glared at me and said “she’s not pregnant,is she!?”
I said “no sir” and that was it.
 
Those of you with older kids, how detailed did you get when talking about sex generally? Did you keep it high level or really get into specifics?

My dad did the whole "you probably know everything but let me know if you have any questions" approach. And I had friends whose dads said bang all the girls you want just don't get anyone pregnant. I'm sure there's a good middle ground in there somewhere.

I had one with my son a couple years ago, slightly on the early side, and got pretty in depth. I did kind of want him to know the real deal before he started hearing too much nonsense. It's not exactly comfortable, but it's not too bad, because it's all mostly theoretical for him at that point.

I'm a little late on the follow up, which is more stressful, because it's real talk at this point and we need to discuss what could really happen, or might be happening now, etc, and its always dicey to thread the needle between morals/values and practical reality, which is what I aim for.
 
My parents never had the “talk” with me at all.

Same here. I just learned about it both officially and unofficially at school. Nothing bad came about in my case by ignoring it but I doubt I’d rec it.
 
My parents never had the “talk” with me at all.

I wish my father didn't. It was literally the most uncomfortable moments of my childhood. I appreciate that he knew he had to do it, and did it, but you could tell it didn't come easy and it wasn't great.
 
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I think I was 11 when my dad broke it all down for me. The rest I learned in school.
 
I had one with my son a couple years ago, slightly on the early side, and got pretty in depth. I did kind of want him to know the real deal before he started hearing too much nonsense. It's not exactly comfortable, but it's not too bad, because it's all mostly theoretical for him at that point.

I'm a little late on the follow up, which is more stressful, because it's real talk at this point and we need to discuss what could really happen, or might be happening now, etc, and its always dicey to thread the needle between morals/values and practical reality, which is what I aim for.

This is the tough part for me
 
When I have a talk with my boys, it will be more about how not to let intimate relationships effect you mentally and distract you from your own goals. Aka...don’t waste your time on chasing girls.

In a perfect world I would like for my boys to not be in a relationship until they are out of their teens. Way too many other important things for them to be working on; relationships are distractions and puts their emotional state at risk, and their future if they were to become a parent too early.

There just isn’t a lot of upside imo.
 
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I never had the talk with my parents that I can recall. I don’t even remember how I learned it all.
 
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This is the tough part for me

Nothing easy about it. My wife handled the daughters, so I had minimal say. I always thought she leaned a little strong to the moral side, to the point of not covering the realistic, but I guess it worked out ok. It's one thing to say that religiously and morally that we don't endorse premarital sex let's say, but you can't then make all your advice/conversation tailored around an assumption that it's only for use of someone at 32 years old on their wedding night.

Fine line between dealing with what is real, and yet still trying view that through SOME prism of sexual morality. I don't want the kids to be wracked with overwhelming guilt over something rather common and understandable...but I do at least want think about what's consistent with their/our values. Maybe you fail sometimes, maybe the right decisions aren't always made, or temptation is too great, and I don't want it to be the end of the world...but at the same time I don't want to present it as a totally value-free equation, simply a "have at it!"
 
Don't recall ever having the talk other than "I'll buy you the condoms but you damn well better use them if you go there." Also, have no kids but I think either of these approaches would work:

My dad did the whole "you probably know everything but let me know if you have any questions" approach. And I had friends whose dads said bang all the girls you want just don't get anyone pregnant.
 
Use you best Jack voice:
  • But Doc, she was fifteen years old, going on thirty-five, Doc, and, uh, she told me she was eighteen and she was, uh, very willing, you know what I mean...I practically had to take to sewin' my pants shut. But, uh between you and me, uh, she might have been fifteen, but when you get that little red beaver right up there in front of ya, I don't think it's crazy at all now and I don't think you do either...No man alive could resist that, and that's why I got into jail to begin with. And now they're telling me I'm crazy over here because I don't sit there like a goddamn vegetable. Don't make a bit of sense to me. If that's what's bein' crazy is, then I'm senseless, out of it, gone-down-the-road, wacko. But no more, no less, that's it.
 
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I wish my father didn't. It was literally the most uncomfortable moments of my childhood. I appreciate that he knew he had to do it, and did it, but you could tell it didn't come easy and it wasn't great.
Same here. My dad was a doctor and the talk was heavily medical in nature. By the time he was finished, I didn't think sex would be worth pursuing at all.
 
No recollection of a talk. Likely a heavy dose of late night Skin-i-max, talking to other kids and my buddy knew where his stepfather kept his playboys.

Apparently I learned eveything I needed to know from Debbie and Emmanuelle.

Definitely want to have the talk with my kids (in several years) before the internet has influence.
 
Oh crap, apparently I had blocked this but the thread brought back the repressed memory. ..
So a few years back my son came downstairs late one night looking concerned and told me he had wet the bed...
Uh..yeah..um... didn’t they cover this in health class? No? Change your clothes and don’t tell your mother.
 
My parents never had the “talk” with me at all.

Same here. When is 14 or 15, my mother gave me a book written by Ann Landers concerning sex (this was before the internet). Of course, that was about 2 years too late.

There are some good kids books out there that explain the basics in a way that kids can understand. My daughter has already provided a few to my 9 year old granddaughter. The average age for kids going through puberty is now around 11 years old, and some girls as young as 9 are already having their first period. Yikes!
 
Same here. When is 14 or 15, my mother gave me a book written by Ann Landers concerning sex (this was before the internet). Of course, that was about 2 years too late.

There are some good kids books out there that explain the basics in a way that kids can understand. My daughter has already provided a few to my 9 year old granddaughter. The average age for kids going through puberty is now around 11 years old, and some girls as young as 9 are already having their first period. Yikes!
I bet Ann Landers didn't mention PIITB...
 
My dad's version of "the talk" happened when we were sitting in my car waiting for it to warm up. His exact words were "Don't get yourself in trouble - you know what I mean.". And I did.
 
As for the talk with the daughter - the school's handled the biology aspects of how procreation happens. I've handled the other side. My approach has been to be very pragmatic and focused on the negative consequences of diseases and pregnancy. She's well aware of how becoming pregnant before finishing college will screw up her life in a bad, probably unreversible, way.

I know she's going to have sex at some point. My job is to make sure she's smart enough and prepared enough to confidently say yes or no on her own terms, that she can set the terms as far as required protection, and doesn't do anything that will screw up her future. I'd love for her to wait until shes 40yo before she has sex, but I know that's not likely.
 
I don't know that I'll have the "This is how it happens talk" but at some point when he starts dating or maybe slightly before we'll have a long talk about the effects of sex, and a strong understanding of consent and respect for women as people who deserve to be seen as more than just sexual.

I also will want to make certain he knows he can talk to me at any time about anything if things get dicey and I won't become judgey over it. Other than that, I think I've still got a year or two before I need to truly consider it.
 
My dad had that talk with me and, looking back at it as an adult, I realize now it made him uncomfortable. I was 11 or 12 I think. When I was a teenager the message was "wear a rubber, even if she says she's on the pill".

My kids are 4 and 2. Glad I don't need to do that for a while.
 
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My dad had that talk with me and, looking back at it as an adult, I realize now it made him uncomfortable. I was 11 or 12 I think. When I was a teenager the message was "wear a rubber, even if she says she's on the pill".

My kids are 4 and 2. Glad I don't need to do that for a while.

No. We were on vacation at Lake Tahoe and you were 9 years old. August, 1986. There was a woman lying on the beach with her top off and your Dad said you went bug eyed, so he had the "talk" with you, according to what he told me later that night.
Of course knowing your father, he could have been the one who was bug eyed.
 
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