LR parents: How can I fix my abusive 3 year old nephew ?

[Lurker1999]

I would really appreciate any serious advice that you have.

I have a 3 year old nephew and a 1 year old niece. My 3 year old nephew is very high-strung. He is prone to temper tantrums often. The doctors don't say anything. They just shrug. My Mom says that he has more tantrums than all four of her kids did combined.

I see my niece and nephew a few hours a week. My niece crawls around a lot and when she comes up to my nephew he will sometimes punch or knee her in the face. I assume this happens often.

It's not like he tries to push her away.; he punches her in the face with a fist or knees her in the face.

This deeply disturbs me.

When I see this happen, I sternly correct him and tell him never to do it again and then his Dad does but it doesn't seem like anything changes.

Can I do anything to stop this? Is this normal behavior for a 3 year old?

I think it's far from normal but other than the near constant tantrums, my nephew seems to be a normal kid.

I'm at a loss of what to do.

Please help. Thanks.

@FSU_UCLA

 

[DFSNOLE]

My daughter is a board certified behavioral analyst and therapist. Get the kid some professional help.

 

[Lurker1999]

My daughter is a board certified behavioral analyst and therapist. Get the kid some professional help.

Thanks.

Would you be willing to ask her to read this thread and see if she has any suggestions in the meantime or if she has a recommendation on which type of therapist he needs to see?

TIA

 

[DFSNOLE]

Thanks.

Would you be willing to ask her to read this thread and see if she has any suggestions in the meantime?

I'll see her at church in a few hours. There is not a one treatment fits all. Each plan is tailored to the child but I'll ask.

 

[Lurker1999]

I'll see her at church in a few hours. There is not a one treatment fits all. Each plan is tailored to the child but I'll ask.

Thanks!

Are you Catholic?

 

[DFSNOLE]

Thanks!

Are you Catholic?

You're welcome and no.

 

[southgateNOLE]

Kids martial arts classes.

 

[DFSNOLE]

Kids martial arts classes.

 

[NJDoak]

Change his diet.

 

[Lurker1999]

Change his diet.

Good idea. My sister (no pics) is a vegetarian but he eats a lot of sugar, I think...

 

[goldmom]

Spanking/corporal responses won't be the answer-
How does Mom handle it? You've not mentioned her -

 

[Formerly Rockymtnole]

My .02...
The moment he shows any aggressiveness of a physical nature I’d separate them and he gets a consequence. Prob a time out in the other room or something. I wouldn’t leave them alone together but at that age somebody should be watching them pretty closely anyway.

Longer term, sounds like he could be jealous of the attention his little sister gets (or has gotten). I’d think about whether he’s getting shortchanged in some way and maybe make some adjustments if so. Certainly a feel thing.

Or, he’s just a budding psychopath who will be lighting cats on fire pretty soon.

 

[NDallasRuss]

Kids martial arts classes.

It doesn't sound like the problem is the form he's using when he kicks/punches his sister.

 

[noleclone2]

My .02...
The moment he shows any aggressiveness of a physical nature I’d separate them and he gets a consequence. Prob a time out in the other room or something. I wouldn’t leave them alone together but at that age somebody should be watching them pretty closely anyway.

Longer term, sounds like he could be jealous of the attention his little sister gets (or has gotten). I’d think about whether he’s getting shortchanged in some way and maybe make some adjustments if so. Certainly a feel thing.

Or, he’s just a budding psychopath who will be lighting cats on fire pretty soon.

I agree with much of this. Kids are different and some, especially boys, are complete monsters ages 2 to 83. I would not write him off as the next Ted Bundy or in need of therapy or drugs.

He is likely for sure jealous if he was first born, and an aggressive little temper tantrumy turd. At 3, he has no clue on consequences of actions towards others or even himself physically.

So he should play separate from her for sure. And consequensces and time outs need to be swift and real. The ridiculous tantrums may be a sign of learned behavior knowing that is the ticket how he can get his way. Monster needs to learn the hard way that will result in nothing if not worse consequences. Let. Him. Cry. Until. He. Pukes. should be the new motto.

 

[RangerNole]

Who knows the answer and honestly be very careful throwing yourself into another parents business like that. Whether you are right or wrong it can get ugly. Not a doctor but have raised 2 kids and mentored numerous nephews when their dad's died. Each kid is different and what works as discipline on one often does not work on another. We used to spank my son, even had a wooden spoon with a sad face on it, then after a spanking one time he said "oh daddy that was a good one" that was it for spanking and we had to figure out how to get him to change behaviors etc. I learned just telling him how disappointed we were in him; for some reason that worked better than anything we ever did.
My daughter was spanked once and it was really a strong pat on the butt. Never had to spank her and honestly sending her to her room, telling her to think about what she did wrong and then come down and tell us what it was and why worked great. We did that with my son some too. Bottom line every kid is different.
As far as being violent towards a sibling that needs to get fixed or just gets worse and grows into other things.

 

[SeaPA]

 

[Fijimn]

Sound likes a contender for fight club. Get a crew together and make some cash

 

[ggmike1992]

Be sure to nip this in the bud at an early age otherwise he might grow up and feel the need to start numerous threads on a message board.

 

[Lurker1999]

It doesn't sound like the problem is the form he's using when he kicks/punches his sister.

For real.

Why the hell would anyone want to train him to be more physically dangerous?

 

[Lurker1999]

Spanking/corporal responses won't be the answer-
How does Mom handle it? You've not mentioned her -

She just separates them. She's pretty useless, IMO.

He has a babysitter for 30 hours a week that probably spoils him, too.

 

[ericram]

Alcohol?

 

[Lurker1999]

Alcohol?

Negative.

 

[12Nole]

Could be early signs of anxiety. Have you looked into CBD oil?

 

[Lurker1999]

Could be early signs of anxiety. Have you looked into CBD oil?

No, but good idea.

 

[DFSNOLE]

No, but good idea.

Probably not a good idea to give that to a 3 year old without seeing a doctor first.

 

[12Nole]

Probably not a good idea to give that to a 3 year old without seeing a doctor first.

Well obviously.

 

[DFSNOLE]

Well obviously.

You're giving advice to Lurker. Think man!

 

[DFSNOLE]

She wants to know how well he communicates.

 

[southgateNOLE]

It doesn't sound like the problem is the form he's using when he kicks/punches his sister.

Actually it does. If the child goes to a good program they will teach him to NOT hit his sister and not punch out of anger or aggression. He will learn how to communicate properly, respect, self awareness, order and most importantly for him, how to use violence as a form of self defense.

 

[southgateNOLE]

For real.

Why the hell would anyone want to train him to be more physically dangerous?

Look above.

But what do I know. Leave him up to his useless mother or give the kid pills and weed like others suggested. What do I care, lol.

 

[Lurker1999]

She wants to know how well he communicates.

He communicates well.

I think he's advanced for his age, intellectually. He's definitely not autistic or special needs, I think.

 

[Lurker1999]

You're giving advice to Lurker. Think man!

My best friends call me "Brian."

 

[DFSNOLE]

My best friends call me "Brian."

I'll call you Lurker then.

 

[Bsims01]

Take this for what it's worth, but my wife had a friend who was babysitting a nephew (5 yr old) with similar behavioral issues. My wife friend said that she can't trust the nephew because she caught him choking her 1 year old daughter. She said she reprimanded the nephew and he said he didn't recall what he was doing and couldn't control it.

My wife said has he been checked for a brain tumor. She said she saw an episode of Grey's Anatomy with a kid with similar symptoms and he had a brain tumor. Well my wife friend relayed this info to her sister and the kid eventually had an MRI and they discovered a freaking brain tumor. He had surgery it was removed and he has been a different kid since.

 

[Lurker1999]

Take this for what it's worth, but my wife had a friend who was babysitting a nephew (5 yr old) with similar behavioral issues. My wife friend said that she can't trust the nephew because she caught him choking her 1 year old daughter. She said she reprimanded the nephew and he said he didn't recall what he was doing and couldn't control it.

My wife said has he been checked for a brain tumor. She said she saw an episode of Grey's Anatomy with a kid with similar symptoms and he had a brain tumor. Well my wife friend relayed this info to her sister and the kid eventually had an MRI and they discovered a freaking brain tumor. He had surgery it was removed and he has been a different kid since.

Wow.

Was the tumor malignant?

 

[Bsims01]

Wow.

Was the tumor malignant?

That I don't recall. This all took place about 9 years ago and all I can remember being told was that he did have a tumor and it was surgically removed.

 

[BelemNole]

It’s not your kid, you can’t fix it. This is just another look at me thread.

 

[RunRonnieRun]

It’s not your kid, you can’t fix it. This is just another look at me thread.

Definitely a look at me thread.

But you don't have to ignore an issue with a kid just because it's not your kid.

 

[DFSNOLE]

Again, professional help is out there. My daughter works with these issues daily. Training the parents to properly handle behavioral problems is a big part of what she does.
Message boards are not the place to find the answer.

 

[Random_John]

I feel like the bigger question comes down to is it nature or nurture? Does he have a mental disability or a chemical imbalance? Is he learning something at home that makes him feel this behavior is ok? Do mom and dad fight in front of him? etc.