So as a fallout of the Harvey Weinstein stories, of which there seem no end, it appears that all woman who have been sexually harassed or assaulted are beginning to simply post “me too” on their social media in order to call attention to the size and scale of this problem. It is depressing to start to see how many friends/family have already posted those two words.
me too
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Very depressing...but partially eye opening, I have to admit.
i've always thought the number of unreported incidents is way more than we thought, but #metoo has been truly eye opening, way more than i expected
i'm glad this is coming to light and resulting in a real conversation
i'm glad this is coming to light and resulting in a real conversation
Me too
Groped in the dog park by a friends husband about 6 years ago. Just walked away. Was too shocked at the time to do anything else.
Groped in the dog park by a friends husband about 6 years ago. Just walked away. Was too shocked at the time to do anything else.
for every #MeToo there's an #IDidIt... who are all these maniacs?
damn shame they've been away to get away with this
damn shame they've been away to get away with this
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It's been ridiculous how many men and women say that it simply doesn't happen that often. Rape culture is a big deal, and I hope that more men and women will realize it. Unfortunately I've seen far too many men in my facebook feed saying that all these women making these posts are blowing things out of proportion. They simply assume it's all simple "catcalling" and that it's just men being men and nothing for women to get upset about.
I won't say any more about those same people or we'll enter political arenas that shut down this thread.
I won't say any more about those same people or we'll enter political arenas that shut down this thread.
I'm glad I haven't seen those sorts of comments in my feed. I would not react well. This may surprise you all, but I can voice strong opinions on issues like this. In fact, it's been said (by me usually) that I can come off as a bit of an ass.
I don’t think this is an appropriate hashtag or venue for reporting assault. IMO.
What makes you think they're reporting assaults using this social media hashtag, did you read OPs post about the purpose of this?
Can you come up with a better way to call attention to this issue?
They're not reporting assault, they're simply making people aware of the scale of the issue. what are your concerns?
It isn't just women. Men in Hollywood have reported it too. Terry Crews being one of them and let's not forget pedophiles there as reported by Corey Haim and Corey Feldman, although many dismissed their claims. It makes you wonder if Hollywood doesn't have a widespread problem with sexual assault by the powerful, which is probably also in line with wealthy corporate executives and business owner/CEO types.
I've always assumed the percentage of women who've been sexually harassed has been at/near 100%.
I figured those who've been sexually assaulted to some degree is at around 2/3 of all women.
And I read that the percentage of women who've been raped is around 20%.
There are a lot of different factors that have contributed to the above, and "guys being guys" was used to explain/excuse a whole lot of questionable behavior for a long time.
I understand they are not “reporting” it.
I don’t think “me too” is a well thought out phrase to use; nor do I generally think any viral trend like this shared over Facebook can be taken seriously.
Jmho
**edited to add: I find it a far too serious of a social issue to be reduced to a hashtag that gets diluted, misused, saturated, etc on things like twitter, Facebook, etc.
I generally agree with the spirit of your post.
But in this case, I think this forum is precisely the right one to do so.
With all due respect, as a male, I don't think you get to tell women how they should report, advocate for, and describe their own sexual assaults. Your response in this should be, "I hear you, how can I help so you don't have to be reduced to a hashtag any more?"
It's on us as males to push back against this toxic masculinity that allows this type of behavior to continue unabated on both sides of the political aisle, across all religions, and to affect every single woman on the planet. So while I can appreciate that you think there are better ways, I'd ask how you're out there fighting for these women so they don't have to use social activism as the only way to draw attention to their hurts. I'll be honest, until so many of my friends spoke up, I was completely unaware of how widespread much of this is and as I've heard their stories, I see myself and so many other men I know in so many of them. We were just boys being boys, but we didn't realize how much harm our attitude was causing to women Every.Single.Day.
I take it you do not participate in the Rank Em threads and find them highly offensive.
Maybe I misread, but it seems like you're suggesting if 50% of women are harassed 50% of men have done it.
Well, for all of Cosby's victims there was just Cosby, same with Weinstein.
I’m not telling them how to do anything. I’m opining that there’s probably a better method to “raise awareness”.
Also, silly point about my opinion being diminished because I’m a man
#Me too. (Yes, I have been sexually harassed at work by female managers in the far past.)
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To clarify, what I was saying is that for every woman that's been targeted there's a guy who targeted them - agree than in some cases it's a one to many relationship, or likely a many to many, as I'd venture most of the #MeToo are likely, unfortunately, plural.
It's always interesting that the group not being targeted sits back and tells the victims that there's a better way to advocate for themselves but doesn't take the time to think of one.
The right thing to say is "I see this is a huge problem, how can I help?"
They should probably kneel for the national anthem. There’s my solution
Thanks for clearing up to me what the right thing to do is though.
Me too. At a women’s prison.
I was working at the Florida Attorney General Office and we were defending a class action case against prisoners in Florida’s “maximum security prisons” (then called close management facilities). The opposing counsel had been given the rights to interview x number of inmates a day at each one and as part of the court decision we were required to observe but not hear what was going on (an absurd requirement where we had to be present but not TOO present) basically just observing them through a windowed office. Before heading out our team of 3 male and 3 female attorneys were warned that what we saw at the men’s prison was going to be horrific. They’d be nude constantly and jacking it all the time. They’d try to throw semen on us but especially the women.
We did all of the male CM facilities first and not a single incident. All of the men were well behaved and not a single incident occurred. The “worst” thing that happened was some twinky gay guy sung a song about how sexy I was in falsetto while everyone including me laughed. But absolutely nothing happened to the women. Then we went to the one and only female CM facility.
It was a (poop)Show from the beginning with the female inmates flashing boobs and vag at everyone man and woman and trying to grab you everytime you walked by. And I had the misfortune of having to be assigned to a spot where the conference room only had a little 1 foot by 1 foot or less window on a thick door where you couldn’t see into the desks from an angle you had to be straight on and the holding cell for the next inmate to be interviewed was directly behind me on a hallway that wasn’t particularly wide just normal hallway width. Because it was a holding cell it has a large opening so inmates can play both shackled arms through to be locked and unlocked. That ended up being more than enough for them to constantly reach through and grab my (rump).
I couldn’t get too close to the window or the opposing counsel (some young ahat from Harvard who mentioned going to Harvard every ten seconds) would start complaining I was “spying” and intentionally violating the court order (we almost came to physical blows after about 8 hours of this) and if I stepped back too far the inmate in the holding cell could get a really big and firm grasp of cheek. So I had to hover in the middle ground as best I could where they could only kind of scratch and claw at my rump. Was it all of them? No. But we were interviewing one every 8 minutes for a ten hour period and at least every third or fourth one did. And of course the whole time they’re not just grabbing at you but talking about what sexcapades you’re going to do and I had three or four of them written up for DR (Disciplinary Reports) for masturbating while in plain sight.
And before anyone says, wow that sounds like a great time...1) a healthy percentage of them have STDs, 2) I’m probably a little more STD phobic than the average guy anyways, 3) most of the women are not 18-40 yo hotties but 41-90 yo not so hotties, 4) the prison was under lockdown where everyone but us wore masks due to some disease that was spreading rapidly through air and touch (I can’t remember but we’ll say hepatitis).
I was working at the Florida Attorney General Office and we were defending a class action case against prisoners in Florida’s “maximum security prisons” (then called close management facilities). The opposing counsel had been given the rights to interview x number of inmates a day at each one and as part of the court decision we were required to observe but not hear what was going on (an absurd requirement where we had to be present but not TOO present) basically just observing them through a windowed office. Before heading out our team of 3 male and 3 female attorneys were warned that what we saw at the men’s prison was going to be horrific. They’d be nude constantly and jacking it all the time. They’d try to throw semen on us but especially the women.
We did all of the male CM facilities first and not a single incident. All of the men were well behaved and not a single incident occurred. The “worst” thing that happened was some twinky gay guy sung a song about how sexy I was in falsetto while everyone including me laughed. But absolutely nothing happened to the women. Then we went to the one and only female CM facility.
It was a (poop)Show from the beginning with the female inmates flashing boobs and vag at everyone man and woman and trying to grab you everytime you walked by. And I had the misfortune of having to be assigned to a spot where the conference room only had a little 1 foot by 1 foot or less window on a thick door where you couldn’t see into the desks from an angle you had to be straight on and the holding cell for the next inmate to be interviewed was directly behind me on a hallway that wasn’t particularly wide just normal hallway width. Because it was a holding cell it has a large opening so inmates can play both shackled arms through to be locked and unlocked. That ended up being more than enough for them to constantly reach through and grab my (rump).
I couldn’t get too close to the window or the opposing counsel (some young ahat from Harvard who mentioned going to Harvard every ten seconds) would start complaining I was “spying” and intentionally violating the court order (we almost came to physical blows after about 8 hours of this) and if I stepped back too far the inmate in the holding cell could get a really big and firm grasp of cheek. So I had to hover in the middle ground as best I could where they could only kind of scratch and claw at my rump. Was it all of them? No. But we were interviewing one every 8 minutes for a ten hour period and at least every third or fourth one did. And of course the whole time they’re not just grabbing at you but talking about what sexcapades you’re going to do and I had three or four of them written up for DR (Disciplinary Reports) for masturbating while in plain sight.
And before anyone says, wow that sounds like a great time...1) a healthy percentage of them have STDs, 2) I’m probably a little more STD phobic than the average guy anyways, 3) most of the women are not 18-40 yo hotties but 41-90 yo not so hotties, 4) the prison was under lockdown where everyone but us wore masks due to some disease that was spreading rapidly through air and touch (I can’t remember but we’ll say hepatitis).
At all? Unless you're some sort of boy scout I can't see not looking back and wondering if anything you said could be taken that way.
I didn't say your opinion didn't matter, but men are great about sitting back and telling everybody else how they should do things so that we're more comfortable. When women finally speak up in numbers about something that has been a huge issue that for many years no one would believe them on, the absolute worst thing to tell them is that they need to not do it that way. It's like white people getting upset at people of color each time they protest and saying "Not that way". It's more important that we listen to their stories and find ways to help them so they don't have to do this and make their pain public rather than sit back and judge their methods.
If you don't like that they're having to do this, then get involved to make change so that they don't have to speak up for themselves next time.
You would be correct. You might wonder why we have almost no women on this forum. There was a time when that wasn't the case, but the men here didn't know how to react around women and ran them all off.
Not every story. I've never sexually assaulted a woman, but I have created a culture of toxic masculinity around me where women were forced to be ok with my way or the high way, and I've been part of organizations where that was the case and since we men were the majority we ran the room. And I've had personal conversations with women that were unwelcomed and inappropriate. Sure, compared to Harvey and Donald they were mild. I mean I wasn't grabbing them by the, well you know what, but even smaller moments of unwelcome male aggression contribute in a daily basis towards the culture that women have to wade through. I've recently become aware of those moments and I'm working to change them.
Maybe I'm confused what are we talking about? I was under the impression the Me Too stories were from victims of sex assault and sexual harassment. I'm not claiming to be a Boy Scout but I've never assaulted or sexually harassed any woman. I have no doubt that it happens, quite frequently.
Interesting.
The closest I can relate to these examples is that there's a lack of exec mgmt diversity at my company that we recognize and are working on changing.
Wife and I were talking about this. We weren't sure if this was assault, what say ye LR?
Make out session in dorm room. They both decide sex is out of question. So then the male starts asking female to "touch it". Girl doesn't say no but is a little uncomfortable and not sure what to do. She tries to ignore and clearly doesn't want to touch it. The guy is persistent and persuasive, and they are continuing to kiss and make out. Eventually the girl caves and she "touches it", he finishes. They hang out after and remain friends.
Not trying to make this a sex thread, but trying to get to the bottom of sexual assault. In this scenario, assault? If so, then I could see a a lot girls being sexually assaulted.
Or assault something a lot more clearly defined?
Make out session in dorm room. They both decide sex is out of question. So then the male starts asking female to "touch it". Girl doesn't say no but is a little uncomfortable and not sure what to do. She tries to ignore and clearly doesn't want to touch it. The guy is persistent and persuasive, and they are continuing to kiss and make out. Eventually the girl caves and she "touches it", he finishes. They hang out after and remain friends.
Not trying to make this a sex thread, but trying to get to the bottom of sexual assault. In this scenario, assault? If so, then I could see a a lot girls being sexually assaulted.
Or assault something a lot more clearly defined?
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You've never once made an inappropriate or unwelcome comment to a woman about her appearance, or ogling them in any manner? I don't know a single male who hasn't at least once made a comment towards a woman or while hanging out with a bunch of guy friends made sexually suggestive jokes/comments towards women at at least one point in their life.
The thing is, we don't get to decide when we're harassing someone. I mean legally HR and courts decide, but as far as #metoo goes all that matters is that someone felt uncomfortable either intentionally or due to carelessness. I can certainly imagine that this could have happened due to carelessness on my part some time over the past 20-odd years. You get comfortable around co-workers and you "joke around". You assume that everyone knows it's all just good natured ribbing/camaraderie. The "line" is a further with true friends than with just co-workers. But the truth is that you don't know for sure where everyone's line is and unless you were very careful there's the possibility you stepped over someones line along the way and they just didn't make a big deal about it.
I had a new hire tell me that I was harassing one of my best friends because of how we joked with one another. That wasn't her call to make as none of it was directed at her or was explicitly sexual in nature. But it illustrated that what was ok, or even welcome between friends, was seen as offensive to others.
Hence my point that it’s a poor excercise, even we don’t even know what metoo means- sexual assault; harassment; offended; made to feel uncomfortable by Belem and his friends jokes.
Facebook things like this tend to get a lot of reposts but a lot of dilution and the intent of the message is lost.
Anyhow, jmho.
Facebook things like this tend to get a lot of reposts but a lot of dilution and the intent of the message is lost.
Anyhow, jmho.
I look at women in passing, sure, but are we now considering that (looking, without ogling or commentary ) harassment?
Other than that, no. I don't comment on appearances and can't recall making sexually-suggestive jokes to women. Certainly never in the workplace.
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