For the guys only
- Thread starter 62Nole
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I did. I basically had an interview. FIL wanted to know my career plans, my upbringing, my thoughts on various issues.
So question for those that did. What would you have done had he said no? Broke up or married anyway?
I honestly don't know. Never thought about I guess. Felt pretty confident he would OK it.
"Welp, gave it a shot. Thanks anyway."
I did. Dad wasn't around, so I asked her mom.
Would have still gotten married; asked out of respect.
I did. Didn't go too well. He didn't seem very keen on the idea. I dated the girl for 5 years before I asked and I always seemed to get along with her dad. He eventually said OK (later in the conversation). However, the engagement didn't last longer than a year. I guess he knew something that I didn't.
If the dad said no, I would create a song in which I whine a lot about how rude he is and marry her anyway.
I did ask out of respect and tradition. The response was "of course, its about time" but we had been together for 2 years and living together the last 8 months.
Had he said no, we would have had major issues. I sold my house and moved with her when she got a job offer 1200 miles away. Didn't consider a "No", and with our situation no clue what we would have done.
Had he said no, we would have had major issues. I sold my house and moved with her when she got a job offer 1200 miles away. Didn't consider a "No", and with our situation no clue what we would have done.
I did, my wife is the oldest of 4 kids and she was their first to be married. I considered it the right thing to do, I had a good relationship with them and still do, in fact a far better relationship with them than I ever did with my own parents. I don't think that there was an expectation or anything, she was 29 at the time and very much an independent woman, but I think they appreciated the gesture.
I hope that when my daughter gets married her future husband will do the same.
I was engaged before to another woman, I did the same with her father, and he basically tried to talk me out of it. He was a good dude, I should have listened to him. It was a rough engagement. That crazy bat is still single and crushing men's souls one at a time.
I hope that when my daughter gets married her future husband will do the same.
I was engaged before to another woman, I did the same with her father, and he basically tried to talk me out of it. He was a good dude, I should have listened to him. It was a rough engagement. That crazy bat is still single and crushing men's souls one at a time.
I didn't know him nor he me. It didn't make any sense for me to ask him. Also, she didn't come with a dowry so why would I ask?
Absolutely. I respect the hell out of her father and I hope my future SIL will do that same. I never expected anything but a "yes," but I was still nervous about it. Nothing is more important to us than family, so it never even crossed my mind not to ask.
Sort of a gauntlet. Told my fiancé then, now wife about it, we laughed. Asked him out of respect. We would have married either way.
Yeah, I didn't know him until after the YouTube clip went viral. He was a worship leader at my church.
My wife's parent were divorced and so I asked her mother and gave th father a call telling him we were getting married.
He asked me if we could get married on an Alaskan cruise that he was going on with his new wife and her family. A cruise that my wife and her two brothers weren't invited. I told him it wasn't going to happen and he hung up. Including our wedding, I have seen him about three times since then.
He asked me if we could get married on an Alaskan cruise that he was going on with his new wife and her family. A cruise that my wife and her two brothers weren't invited. I told him it wasn't going to happen and he hung up. Including our wedding, I have seen him about three times since then.
I did. In laws are pretty traditional, but my future wife and I had already bought a house together. It was an "about time" conversation, even though she & I had only dated just over a year.
Just out of respect. Her mom loves me, dad just wants her happy & I think I make her happy. Never considered him saying no. He would not stand in the way of her happiness.
Im not the most traditional person out there; pretty on the opposite side of that actually. But I am respectful and I think that's a bit of a respectful thing to do.
Just out of respect. Her mom loves me, dad just wants her happy & I think I make her happy. Never considered him saying no. He would not stand in the way of her happiness.
Im not the most traditional person out there; pretty on the opposite side of that actually. But I am respectful and I think that's a bit of a respectful thing to do.
The first wife yeah, and I should have listened. He told me of course, but was I sure, cause she was going to be just like her mother. Boy was he right.
My current wife, nope, we made a decision that we were both happy with and told our folks when we were ready.
My current wife, nope, we made a decision that we were both happy with and told our folks when we were ready.
I asked my father-in-law's permission. It was the first time my wife took me home to her parents house. I had met them on several occasions already but I had never been to their house. I felt like it was the right thing to do.
I asked. It was an interesting phone call. I think it was tougher on him than on me. I already knew I was going to ask her anyways, so it was more of a "Hope you're ok with it" than a "Do I have your permission?" conversation. In hindsight, the call should have been to her mom, as I now know who runs that household.
I didn't. I sometimes wish I would have in retrospect, I respect my FIL enough that I would have liked to have payed him that respect. However, given what I know of him now, and what my and how young we were and what my prospects were at the time, I do think it's possible that he might have made it difficult for me. We just kind of short-circuited that possibility I guess.
My wife was strong-willed, and her relationship with her parents was complicated to be kind. I honestly was only vaguely aware of the tradition at the time, and didn't realize it was still common. My thinking was that there was no way my wife was interested in her boyfriend and her father negotiating her future, especially since it was already decided.
We didn't have some sort of grand romantic engagement anyway...we literally sat in a restaurant and worked it out on a napkin whether we should get married or not, and came to the conclusion together. I think my wife kept the napkin for a while...don't know if she still has it. We bought the ring together, and the only mystery was when I would give it to her, until I waited to long and got the message that a given night was a good time.
In truth, I don't think whether her parents (or mine) were cool with it or not, was of any concern to our thinking at all. I don't recall us even slightly discussing that aspect of it.
My wife was strong-willed, and her relationship with her parents was complicated to be kind. I honestly was only vaguely aware of the tradition at the time, and didn't realize it was still common. My thinking was that there was no way my wife was interested in her boyfriend and her father negotiating her future, especially since it was already decided.
We didn't have some sort of grand romantic engagement anyway...we literally sat in a restaurant and worked it out on a napkin whether we should get married or not, and came to the conclusion together. I think my wife kept the napkin for a while...don't know if she still has it. We bought the ring together, and the only mystery was when I would give it to her, until I waited to long and got the message that a given night was a good time.
In truth, I don't think whether her parents (or mine) were cool with it or not, was of any concern to our thinking at all. I don't recall us even slightly discussing that aspect of it.
No way in hell. I had every hope that he wouldn't even find out we were getting married. Unfortunately, he did, and came to the wedding. I had plans in place to have him removed if required. I've only talked to him about 3 times since, and that's 3 too many.
I didn't ask because I didn't get married in the 1800s. Don't care if my daughter's boyfriend asks me. My answer would be something along the lines of "why the hell are you asking me, she is the one you have to make happy. I don't care if you get married but if you don't make her the happiest woman on earth I will break you in three pieces"
I asked and was told YES but once you do this you have to keep her. Basically no backsies. When her sisters got engaged (after we were married) both the would be husbands asked as well and were told they would get cement shoes if they ever did anything to hurt their soon to be wives so they better be darn sure. I married the firecracker of the group.
I guess I can see it if you know the father is traditional and you or your girlfriend just do it out of respect for that reason. But I don't necessarily think it to be respectful in this day and age when women can be anything they want to be--and might very well be your superior in many ways educationally and financially--to go over their heads to seek approval.
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