How do you deal with a spouse or family member that "lingers" after every event?!

[BrianNole777]

Anyone deal with this?

I have a close relative named "Sam." We usually get together once a month and go to some event like a lecture, sporting event or religious service. We have similar interests in many ways.

Everything goes well until the event is over and we begin to leave. At that point, without fail, Sam will start talking to a random person and won't stop for 30 minutes at least. Many times she will run into an old friend and will chat for an hour AFTER the event is over. It gets to the point where the janitor has to turn the lights off before Sam leaves.

It's getting annoying. She does this every time. I usually stand around awkwardly until she's through talking.

I asked her if we could leave soon after events and she said: "I'll talk to whoever I want."

We always drive separately and sometimes I leave while she obliviously chats with the person sitting next to her as everyone else goes home.

Anyone have this issue with a spouse or friend? What did you do?

 

[NoleSince1961]

Anyone deal with this?

I have a close relative named "Sam." We usually get together once a month and go to some event like a lecture, sporting event or religious service. We have similar interests in many ways.

Everything goes well until the event is over and we begin to leave. At that point, without fail, Sam will start talking to a random person and won't stop for 30 minutes at least. Many times she will run into an old friend and will chat for an hour AFTER the event is over. It gets to the point where the janitor has to turn the lights off before Sam leaves.

It's getting annoying. She does this every time. I usually stand around awkwardly until she's through talking.

I asked her if we could leave soon after events and she said: "I'll talk to whoever I want."

We always drive separately and sometimes I leave while she obliviously chats with the person sitting next to her as everyone else goes home.

Anyone have this issue with a spouse or friend? What did you do?

Could you just use that time to steal more creamers?

 

[BrianNole777]

Could you just use that time to steal more creamers?

I stopped taking them!

 

[overthemoon]

This is a very big issue. Going to give it more thought.

 

[GeddyLee09]

Since you drove different cars just say bye and leave. No problem.

 

[BrianNole777]

Since you drove different cars just say bye and leave. No problem.

I try and she gets upset later.

 

[BrianNole777]

This is a very big issue. Going to give it more thought.

I bet it's common.

 

[NoleSince1961]

I try and she gets upset later.

WWJD

 

[BrianNole777]

WWJD

He left crowds at times and went off alone to pray...

 

[GeddyLee09]

I try and she gets upset later.

So if you tell her about the talking and she gets upset and she gets upset when you leave why does it matter? Sounds like your time isn't important to her.

 

[BrianNole777]

So if you tell her about the talking and she gets upset and she gets upset when you leave why does it matter? Sounds like your time isn't important to her.

Yep.

I think the 2 options are to:

1.) Tolerate it

2.) Detach

 

[SoddyNole]

Yep.

I think the 2 options are to:

1.) Tolerate it

2.) Detach

#2 for sure.

In my situation it is my wife who is a school teacher and every parent, student or teacher she comes in contact with is followed by a lengthy conversation. Teachers are the worst. With teachers it becomes a therapy session of how much they hate their jobs and complaints galore.

I have found if I stand behind her and do this the conversations end much quicker.

 

[BrianNole777]

#2 for sure.

In my situation it is my wife who is a school teacher and every parent, student or teacher she comes in contact with is followed by a lengthy conversation. Teachers are the worst. With teachers it becomes a therapy session of how much they hate their jobs and complaints galore.

I have found if I stand behind her and do this the conversations end much quicker.

😆 🤣 😂

How does she react?

 

[SoddyNole]

😆 🤣 😂

How does she react?

 

[overthemoon]

Yep.

I think the 2 options are to:

1.) Tolerate it

2.) Detach

Now you're cooking!

 

[BrianNole777]

@BrainVision do you have an opinion on this pressing issue?

 

[DFSNOLE]

I try and she gets upset later.

So what? What she's saying is her time is more valuable than yours (which is probably true but that's not what we're talking about here). As long as you put up with it, she'll continue to do it.

Just have the balls to tell her "Mom! I have to go!"

 

[BrianNole777]

So what? What she's saying is her time is more valuable than yours (which is probably true but that's not what we're talking about here). As long as you put up with it, she'll continue to do it.

Just have the balls to tell her "Mom! I have to go!"

Should I just quit going to events with "Sam?"

 

[DFSNOLE]

Should I just quit going to events with "Sam?"

No. If you enjoy her company during the event, continue on. Just let her know you're leaving when it's over regardless if she's ready or not.

 

[12Nole]

Next time this happens you simply take over the conversation with whoever “Sam” is talking with. Turn your body in a way that blocks “Sam” from being apart of the conversation. Then look over your shoulder and simply ask “Sam” if she would mind starting the car and you’ll be there in a minute.

You must task “Sam” with an objective to drive her attention away from getting caught up in a conversation that will delay your exit any longer.

 

[F4Gary]

Should I just quit going to events with "Sam?"

Only if you want to make your 9pm bedtime.

 

[BrianNole777]

Only if you want to make your 9pm bedtime.

I wish I was in bed at 9 PM!

And so does your sister! 😉

 

[F4Gary]

I wish I was in bed at 9 PM!

And so does your sister! 😉

Go back to Iowa.

 

[BrianNole777]

Go back to Iowa.

I've never been to Iowa in my entire life.

 

[F4Gary]

I've never been to Iowa in my entire life.

 

[BrianNole777]

I've been permabanned at HROT.

 

[goldmom]

I try and she gets upset later.

Of course she does. You’re her enabler and she’s upset that you’re no longer enabling her.
DOH. Leave. She’s disrespecting YOUR time.

 

[BrianNole777]

Of course she does. You’re her enabler and she’s upset that you’re no longer enabling her.
DOH. Leave. She’s disrespecting YOUR time.

Thanks! Great points. One thing I've learned the past couple years is that people don't change, generally, unless there's a miracle. I do believe in miracles.

It's impossible to change people.

One can either tolerate them as they are or detach.

 

[overthemoon]

Thanks! Great points. One thing I've learned the past couple years is that people don't change, generally, unless there's a miracle. I do believe in miracles.

It's impossible to change people.

One can either tolerate them as they are or detach.