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At what cost do you ask for reimbursement?

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ohio#1nolefan

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Mar 29, 2002
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A question for parents...
So my son had a couple friends over and the 2 friends end up breaking my tv. Not a crazy expensive one (60" LED), none the less, they somehow managed to knock it off the stand and busted it up. Over the years I've had numerous items broken and even a huge hole put in a wall but have never asked or even told a parent of their kids' mishaps. Is this worthy of saying something? The kids are 16 yrs. old and I was outside mowing at the time. A few weeks ago, 1 of the same kids broke my sliding glass door by slamming it shut and I didn't say anything to his parents about that. The kid has been coming over for years but the past year he has a real richard attitude that really irritates me. He acted like the door was no big deal and with the tv he did apologize.The other kid also apologized.
Aside from it being very awkward in asking for reimbursement, the parents could tell me to eff off as well.
Or maybe there is no cost to ask for any kind of reimbursement?
I've came to realize that a lot of teenagers don't give a crap about anything that's not theirs.
 
travnole said:
Why wasn't your 16 year old son mowing the lawn?

You obviously have no authority or dominance in the household so why start now?

Better get a new TV before you miss something on Bravo and make your son and his friends some cookies while you are at it.
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Zing!
 
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Just go to the houses of the kids that broke the stuff and take theirs. Who is gonna miss a TV and a sliding glass door anyway
 
Unless they deliberately did something to break the TV (i.e. ran headfirst into it), you're going to have to chalk it up to dumb teenagers and move on. Don't allow your son to bring them into the house any more.
 
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travnole said:
Why wasn't your 16 year old son mowing the lawn?

You obviously have no authority or dominance in the household so why start now?

Better get a new TV before you miss something on Bravo and make your son and his friends some cookies while you are at it.
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That was hilarious.
 
It's never too late.

First I'd start with the kids. I'd give them a chance to man up and pay for it or work it off. I'd give them the option of leaving their parents out of it. If they say they cant, won't, don't want too, etc I'd invite their parents over and have a sit down with them face to face.
 
I bet they don't break stuff at the other guys house.

Buying a new 60 inch LED is clearly no big deal to you. Your son knows this, so it's not a big deal for him either and this why he and his buddies act like idiots while at your house. And we are talking about 16 year olds here...not 13. 16 year old kids know not to be wrestling around in the house breaking stuff....I mean c'mon man!

So if you want this crap to stop happening, start acting like you actually care about your stuff, and not just annoyed you have to go buy a new one or fix whatever they broke.

And yes, I would absolutley say something to friends parents. I wouldn't make them pay you money, but I would let it be known that it wasn't cool and to make sure he respects your stuff the next time he is over. Maybe he will talk some sense to your kid if he tries to have another pillow fight with him in the house.
 
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Sorry man, but you really need to establish and maintain some significantly better boundaries and expectations for your kid and the other kids that he brings over. Like others said, your kid knows it's not that big of a deal to you and that's how he's made the other kids feel. As a result, they treat your stuff like crap - because they've learned that it's all Hakuna Matata in your house.

If you do bring it up to the kids' parents, it should be in the context of "I wanted you to be aware that your kid is no longer going to be invited to come over to our house because he's now been responsible for breaking a sliding glass door and a 60" TV because of negligence and roughhousing."

Moreso, this needs to be a lesson that gets taught to your own kid - these kids were HIS guests, and so any damage that they did while there should be on HIM. He took responsibility by inviting them over, so the cost of the damage they caused should be for him to take care of - preferably through additional "make good" labor until he's worked it off. This will teach him to hold his friends accountable for their actions, and make them act better, rather than letting them act like idiots in YOUR house.
 
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I can see your future now

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1200x750_
 
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If an accident or violent act causes medical expenses I think it's ok to ask for reimbursement. Beyond that is a gray area. Wouldn't you want your kid's friends to feel like they are part of your family? Would you ask a family member to reimburse you? Would you ask your own kid? Some parents would, some wouldn't. There is no right or wrong answer.
 
Just don't replace it. Teach your kid a lesson. When he starts missing it, he and his slouch friends may come to you with a solution. Maybe they work it off in the yard?? I know it would suck for you too but could be a good teaching moment
 
ncnole1975 said:
Just don't replace it. Teach your kid a lesson. When he starts missing it, he and his slouch friends may come to you with a solution. Maybe they work it off in the yard?? I know it would suck for you too but could be a good teaching moment
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My guess is that the kids won't miss it because they can still consume content through their phones, tablets, and laptops. It seems like everyone now has 4 different ways to get to the same thing online.
 
My tact would be to first take it out on my son making certain that he knows that he is responsible for its replacement through either doing work for you until it is "paid back" or getting an actual job to replace it. Tell him that its up to him. He can have his friends pitch in, or he can do it all on his own, but he's on restrictions of some type until he has paid you back either on his own or with the help of friends.

I'd also make certain the friends are aware that this is the last straw. You're not going to their parents about this, but if anything else gets broken, they either pay for it to be replaced or you'll be talking with their parents and they will no longer be welcome in your house.
 
FreeFlyNole said:
It's never too late.

First I'd start with the kids. I'd give them a chance to man up and pay for it or work it off. I'd give them the option of leaving their parents out of it. If they say they cant, won't, don't want too, etc I'd invite their parents over and have a sit down with them face to face.
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My guess is that wouldn't go over too well.
 
Funny how no one on here has put the shoe on the other foot. If I found out my kid had broken a tv, I'd want to help pay for the damage. Seems like the parents are all responsible for 1/3 of that tv. Then of course I'd make my son work off whatever I reimbursed.
 
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F4Gary said:
Funny how no one on here has put the shoe on the other foot. If I found out my kid had broken a tv, I'd want to help pay for the damage. Seems like the parents are all responsible for 1/3 of that tv. Then of course I'd make my son work off whatever I reimbursed.
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Me too. But we're in the minority. Most parents get very defensive these days whenever there's any suggestion their children might possibly have done anything wrong.
 
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BloodyNoseJose said:
If an accident or violent act causes medical expenses I think it's ok to ask for reimbursement. Beyond that is a gray area. Wouldn't you want your kid's friends to feel like they are part of your family? Would you ask a family member to reimburse you? Would you ask your own kid? Some parents would, some wouldn't. There is no right or wrong answer.
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Oh, there's definitely a right answer. It is disrespectful for any kid, family or not, to act in a way in someone else's home that is reasonably foreseeable to cause property damage. My kid pays if he or she acts this way in my house or another's. Sadly, society seeks to avoid any responsibility in most contexts, leading to excuse after excuse for not being personally accountable for themselves or their minor children. My opinion, just saying.
 
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This should have been handled at the onset. Also sounds like your kid has crappy friends. They wouldn't be allowed in my home (and I don't think my kids would argue). Kids have to be taught to care, otherwise most won't.

My kid scraped another car's bumber in a JC Penney parking lot (2 weeks after getting her license) while attempting to park. She stood there for 30 minutes waiting for the owner to show up to own her mistake. She wound up paying my paint/body guy $200 out of her babysitting money to fix the owner's car. She now (of her own accord) parks out in BFE so as to not let that crap happen again.

The body guy cut her a break for her honesty (I think at the request of the grateful owner).
 
alaskanseminole said:
This should have been handled at the onset. Also sounds like your kid has crappy friends. They wouldn't be allowed in my home (and I don't think my kids would argue). Kids have to be taught to care, otherwise most won't.

My kid scraped another car's bumber in a JC Penney parking lot (2 weeks after getting her license) while attempting to park. She stood there for 30 minutes waiting for the owner to show up to own her mistake. She wound up paying my paint/body guy $200 out of her babysitting money to fix the owner's car. She now (of her own accord) parks out in BFE so as to not let that crap happen again.

The body guy cut her a break for her honesty (I think at the request of the grateful owner).
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That is very responsible of her. You should give her a reward of some kind. A trip to Africa maybe?
 
Tell your son that you are tired at all the B.S. and that from now on, he is
responsible for any problems caused by his guests. If he wants to keep
inviting them over, that's up to him. Any damage caused by his buddies
is on him. Hopefully, you still have enough control over a 16 year old to
make it stick. If you don't, you have much bigger problems to deal with than
a 60" TV set.
 
1) At no point did I say it was 'no big deal'
2)They weren't wrasslin'. The one kid tripped the other kid then he fell into the tv(hilarious , I know)
3) Getting monetary reimbursement would not be feasible because the kids don't work.They are in sports.
4) The 1 kid has already been told he is not welcome back
5) All 3 kids got verbally abused,short of beating their asses not much else can be done in those regards.
6)My son is extremely respectful of property and other people's items. I actually over heard him giving his friends an earful. I'm regularly complimented on both my kid's behavior and politeness by teacher's and parents. Nothing I can do about the way other kids behave at their house other than not to allow them at my house to behave stupidly.
 
I hold my own kids responsible for their friends. They're the ones that set the expectations for their friends, and I have no interest in being in the business of yelling at other people's kids.

If my kids know they are responsible for what their friends might do, then they take action to control/compel them, because they know it's their ass on the line. If they CAN'T control them, then they won't invite them over. They'll take care of it on their own.

I know your kid is probably great, but you should never have let him off the hook for these things. Especially at 16, he should be setting the expectations for his friends, not you. It's a good life lesson in controlling the situation you are in and controlling your own outcomes when Dad is not around. There are plenty of times your son might find himself in a situation with people where there is a hell of a lot more than a TV in the balance. He shouldn't just be along for the ride. He either needs to be able to steer his group toward more responsible behavior, or remove himself from the situation. The "It wasn't me, it was just the guys I was with and there was nothing I could do about it" excuse isn't a very good one as you get older.
 
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ohio#1nolefan said:
teacher's and parents. Nothing I can do about the way other kids behave at their house other than not to allow them at my house to behave stupidly.
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Yes, too late to seek reimbursement. But a far bigger concern , why did you put an apostrophe with "teachers" and not with "parents"? Just guessing?
 
Why would verbally abuse the kids if it was an accident?

Suck it up and make the kids accountable for their damages. I don't give a damn if they are in sports or not put them to work Sat or Sunday if needed. There is plenty of time in the week to get some work done. Give your son the choice in that he can get his friends to share the burden of responsibility or take it all on himself. As I see it ,guessing your TV is around $1,200.00, at $10.00 an hour they owe you 120 hours of work. Put in new planters, dig a pool I am sure there is something that needs to be done. Sure it will take time and effort but they will all learn a lesson or even better he will end up finding new friends and lose the f!@# - ups.
 
As usual, the LR delivers.

Seriously, I make my kids responsible for any damage. If they think the others should help, that's up to them. Last Summer a son's friend shot out a car window with a BB gun. I gave the bill to my son. 2 weeks later, a check came in the mail from the kid's parents. I never said a thing to the kid or the parents.
 
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LesClaypool said:
Color me skeptical, but I really think the whole purpose of this thread was to humblebrag that a 60" TV getting trashed was no big deal to him b/c he has so much money.
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Nah, have you seen how cheap TVs have become? I'm busy furnishing out a 37k square foot facility with 180k square foot garden grounds and I got a brand new 90 inch 1080p tv for $2k and four 60 inch 1080 TVs for $500, and 30 of a 42 inch 1080p TVs for $225. Tvs are ridiculously cheap now especially if you know where to get them.

Really all electronics. I budgeted $100k for all of our electronic needs and all of the TVs (1 90 inch, 4 60 inch and 30 42 inch) cost me $11k, the big ceiling mountained 1080p projector and motorised 250 inch screen cost me $2k, the security cams and monitoring system about $2k, the 4 high quality Lenovo touchscreen all in one comps, and 20 Lenovo 2in 1 laptops cost me about $7k. So I've only spent roughly $20k to get the facility completely decked out in really nice electronics. Keeping $80k in our budget for other more extravagant things.
 
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