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Family can be annoying at times

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NYCNole

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Apr 1, 2002
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So I have 9, 7 & 6 year old kids. My brother has 3 & 2 year old children. Brother's wife made a comment that we don't include them when hosting parties at our house. People at the party all have children over the age of 6 who play with my crew all the time. After going through the terrible two's stage ourselves, we just can't stand having the little tykes over to see our kids rooms & game room get trashed which happened over the 2014 holidays. We do invite them when to parties at the neighborhood pool or outdoor concerts.

Am I being selfish?
 
NYCNole said:
So I have 9, 7 & 6 year old kids. My brother has 3 & 2 year old children. Brother's wife made a comment that we don't include them when hosting parties at our house. People at the party all have children over the age of 6 who play with my crew all the time. After going through the terrible two's stage ourselves, we just can't stand having the little tykes over to see our kids rooms & game room get trashed which happened over the 2014 holidays. We do invite them when to parties at the neighborhood pool or outdoor concerts.

Am I being selfish?
Click to expand...
did your brother put up with your brood while they were in that age range? If so, yes...you're being selfish.
 
Forget about you being selfish. If your kids are 9, 7, and 6, and their room isn't trashed without the help of a 3 & 2 year-old, you're raising some weird-assed kids who are obviously extremely OCD.
 
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sconole said:
did your brother put up with your brood while they were in that age range? If so, yes...you're being selfish.
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No, we lived in Charlotte and him in NY. Brother's family moved here two years ago. When our kids were young we always cleaned up after them when at someone else's house. They just leave and don't care what kids messed up.
 
SeaPA said:
Forget about you being selfish. If your kids are 9, 7, and 6, and their room isn't trashed without the help of a 3 & 2 year-old, you're raising some weird-assed kids who are obviously extremely OCD.
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My kids rooms aren't immaculate, the mess I'm talking about is X-box controllers thrown down stairs or dolls thrown in literally every room of the house. Easter was a disaster: two holes in porch screen & kitchen garbage dumped all over floor.
 
Here's an example: neighborhood kid broke our family room tv by throwing a hard toy. The father was on phone with me that night apologizing and offering to pay for new tv. My niece jabbed two holes through porch screen while my sister-in-law stood there and they never even offered to pay for repairs. Then complain about no additional invites.
 
I learned long ago not to judge too harshly. I have great kids, but they are definitely no angels.

Maybe your kids are wonderful at home but terrors on the road. Maybe you have Bebe's Kids and don't even know it.
 
What is the size of these holes?

It's also temporary, they're not going to be 2-3 years old forever. They'll grow up, and probably be better behaved, at least to the point they won't be damaging your stuff.

So far, sounds like you're being selfish TBH.
 
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tommynole3476 said:
What is the size of these holes?

It's also temporary, they're not going to be 2-3 years old forever. They'll grow up, and probably be better behaved, at least to the point they won't be damaging your stuff.

So far, sounds like you're being selfish TBH.
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Holes the size of kids hands from pushing.

Well I asked for everyone's opinion and got it, seems selfish may be the verdict. I'll send my brothers crew to the homes of some posters here for July 4th.
 
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Formerly Rockymtnole said:
I learned long ago not to judge too harshly. I have great kids, but they are definitely no angels.

Maybe your kids are wonderful at home but terrors on the road. Maybe you have Bebe's Kids and don't even know it.
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My kids are rough at home and well behaved on road b/c we taught them. Thinking it may be time to reverse that?
 
I have a 3 yo and a 17 mo. They are terrible people. If I could make them sleep in the yard I would. They are good kids, just representative of their age. We have a nice house for entertaining so my wife is always bringing "our" friends over here. I have the house set up in the areas with child access to be completely child prof, and somehow still those little bastards find a way to eff something up.

Once we are out of this stage, I'll make it a point to never have a kid in this age range in my house again until I'm a grandfather.
 
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NYCNole said:
Here's an example: neighborhood kid broke our family room tv by throwing a hard toy. The father was on phone with me that night apologizing and offering to pay for new tv. My niece jabbed two holes through porch screen while my sister-in-law stood there and they never even offered to pay for repairs. Then complain about no additional invites.
Click to expand...

Is this them?

Screenshot%2B2014-10-02%2B18.56.54.png
 
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NYCNole said:
Here's an example: neighborhood kid broke our family room tv by throwing a hard toy. The father was on phone with me that night apologizing and offering to pay for new tv. My niece jabbed two holes through porch screen while my sister-in-law stood there and they never even offered to pay for repairs. Then complain about no additional invites.
Click to expand...

Let him pay for the new TV and say, "see you again soon."
 
In for a penny, in for a pound. They are already offended, be upfront and tell them why they have been exculded. Give them the specific examples that you gave here. It gives them a chance to correct their children's and their behavior.
 
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Yes, I think you are.

They're family, invite them over.
 
you've posted about the your extended family quite a bit in the past. I think it's hilarious, your disdain them.
 
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2noles1cup said:
you've posted about the your extended family quite a bit in the past. I think it's hilarious, your disdain them.
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There's disdain b/c they gave us crap for leaving NY & heading to Charlotte, the move was solely made to have a stay at home parent. We raised our three kids through the rough ages of 0-6 years with zero help. They move here two years ago & we're constantly getting calls asking us to help them with their two kids. Do it yourself as we have three kids playing sports now and want to enjoy it!
 
NYCNole said:
So I have 9, 7 & 6 year old kids. My brother has 3 & 2 year old children. Brother's wife made a comment that we don't include them when hosting parties at our house. People at the party all have children over the age of 6 who play with my crew all the time. After going through the terrible two's stage ourselves, we just can't stand having the little tykes over to see our kids rooms & game room get trashed which happened over the 2014 holidays. We do invite them when to parties at the neighborhood pool or outdoor concerts.

Am I being selfish?
Click to expand...

Were you and your brother close when you were younger? And is there a reason why you can't be just straight up honest with him and tell him with said examples. Now he may respond with something to the effect that your kids were the same way and maybe they broke something at his house that you didn't see and he paid and fixed it without telling you or whatever. Or he may say I understand and apologize.

As an uncle to the kids, do you not feel comfortable disciplining your nephews and nieces. Sometimes kids respond better to adults that are not their parents and yes even at that age. You say something to them and they may start clinging to the parents the whole time and not damaging your stuff.

If you were close with your brother, I wouldn't let his kids get in the way of you hanging out with him. And if they damage something that annoys you, I would tell him he's paying for it or tell him to clean up after his kids before he leaves.
 
Is it wrong that I saw the thread and thought, "Oh Boy! Another NYC family thread!"?

As to answer you OP, nope do what you want. Its your house. Take that as someone who has the only kids in his family that are mobile, as one of my sisters has a one month old.

As for them calling you to help when you have your own brood to take care of, well that is just unfortunate for them.
 
West Duval Nole said:
Were you and your brother close when you were younger? And is there a reason why you can't be just straight up honest with him and tell him with said examples. Now he may respond with something to the effect that your kids were the same way and maybe they broke something at his house that you didn't see and he paid and fixed it without telling you or whatever. Or he may say I understand and apologize.

As an uncle to the kids, do you not feel comfortable disciplining your nephews and nieces. Sometimes kids respond better to adults that are not their parents and yes even at that age. You say something to them and they may start clinging to the parents the whole time and not damaging your stuff.

If you were close with your brother, I wouldn't let his kids get in the way of you hanging out with him. And if they damage something that annoys you, I would tell him he's paying for it or tell him to clean up after his kids before he leaves.
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We are close but his wife is quite frugal so things have changed a little & he doesn't want to deal with it. I want to be the fun uncle & not discipline nieces/nephews, spend enough time keeping my crew in line.
 
vevois23 said:
Is it wrong that I saw the thread and thought, "Oh Boy! Another NYC family thread!"?

As to answer you OP, nope do what you want. Its your house. Take that as someone who has the only kids in his family that are mobile, as one of my sisters has a one month old.

As for them calling you to help when you have your own brood to take care of, well that is just unfortunate for them.
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My wife watched the 3 yr old in March, found out SIL went shopping & to lunch after doctor appointment. Had the kids for 4+ hours, she was seething. My wife did doctor/dentist/school appointments with no help and cannot understand why SIL is incapable.
 
Have you ever brought this up with them or do you solely bitch about it to each other?
 
2noles1cup said:
Have you ever brought this up with them or do you solely bitch about it to each other?
Click to expand...
Oh yes, said to them on Easter "feel free to pick up all the garbage on the floor", no response. They play the "we have young kids & are exhausted" routine. Join the club.
 
NYCNole said:
My wife watched the 3 yr old in March, found out SIL went shopping & to lunch after doctor appointment. Had the kids for 4+ hours, she was seething. My wife did doctor/dentist/school appointments with no help and cannot understand why SIL is incapable.
Click to expand...

I have a SIL who brings her monkeys to our city -- and passes them around to various of her siblings "so they can spend time with their cousins" -- while she and hubby embark on luxury vacation. I am looking at these other people like "wtf?," but they either don't mind or are too stupid to see that they are mere baby-sitters for their amply-resourced sister. Really??
 
NYCNole said:
So I have 9, 7 & 6 year old kids. My brother has 3 & 2 year old children. Brother's wife made a comment that we don't include them when hosting parties at our house. People at the party all have children over the age of 6 who play with my crew all the time. After going through the terrible two's stage ourselves, we just can't stand having the little tykes over to see our kids rooms & game room get trashed which happened over the 2014 holidays. We do invite them when to parties at the neighborhood pool or outdoor concerts.

Am I being selfish?
Click to expand...

No, the selfishness comes in where they're letting the kids wreak havoc, yet not cleaning up after them or paying for damages. What if it was friends doing this? I'd see no problem with you withholding invites to the kids of those who handled their brood's behavior in this way. Its inconsiderate. If anything with family I'm trying to be even more careful/considerate than I am with friends. I don't get being less considerate to family than you should be to other people. I guess you could turn a blind eye if they're doing some really nice things for you in other areas of the relationship.

But you make it sound pretty one-way :)

All I say is don't let it ever evolve to somehow permanently damage the relationship. But sure you communicate well enough to avoid that.
 
It's great to have a close relationship with family members, or old friends too for that matter.
Just remember the old adage of what relatives, old friends, and dead fish all have in common:
They all stink after 3 days!
 
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