My wife I went out to eat at a very nice restaurant recently. Next to us was a larger seating area where it appeared an older couple were treating their whole family (14 people) to a night out. As soon as the group was seated almost everyone pulled cell phones and started with their cell phone activities. The granddad stood and said him and his wife were picking up the bill but if anyone did not put their phones up and leave them put away he would not pay their bill. Two early 20s granddaughters did not take him seriously and kept their phones out texting and such the whole night. At the end of the meal the waitress asked how the bill was to be divided. He said I have everyone's bill except the two girls. Their response was the typical I can't believe you are making us pay for our own and paying every one else's bill. He said I told about the way I would pay and you chose not to listen. We left about the same time they did and I had to go shake the guy's hand. He told me he gets sick and tired of taking his family out somewhere nice and all any of them do is play with their phones the whole meal.
I liked what I saw from a granddad recently
- Thread starter divinnole
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It's a pretty remarkable phenomenon. We routinely see groups of young people out at dinner, and they almost never speak to each other (or even look up from their phones). I presume they are texting and whatnot with people NOT at the table, but who knows? They take some "glamour shots" of the food and drink when it arrives, and then they resume the phone play. LOL. Why not just stay home and play on your phone there??
There's probably a tik tok video right now of the girls complaining about it with the hastag #cancelgrandpa
And the chinese stealing all their personal information
My wife laid down the law early on, years ago when our two sons got their first phones, that there were to be absolutely no phones at the dinner table (or lunch and breakfast come to think of it). That applied to home-cooked meals as well as out-to-eat. To this day (both are College aged) there is nary a sign of a phone at the table during a meal when we're together...granted, when they're away, it may be a different story, but we tried to value conversation vs. drowning in place on-line while we eat.
Hats off to that Granddad...
I am an old guy with 20 year old granddaughters. I take the family out and many of them are on their phones. I could never not pay for my grandkids meal. I think grandpa is mean. It is a different time. I get annoyed with younger people's reliance on their phones but those are my opinions and I try not be overly judgmental. I remember old people judging me when I was young for the music I listened to or the length of my hair and I try not to be that guy. Just my opinion for what it is worth.
As our kids were growing up we had a couple of hard rules we had no give on. First was no meals in front of the TV (snacks during games were OK). We all set down at the table for at least one meal together each day. No TVs or computers in their BRs. No electronic gaming devices period. Later when cell phones with texting became of age there was no cell phones allowed at the table at home or when we went out to eat.
Since being grown with kids of their own, they have both told me at different times they use to that those rules but as they got older they learned to really appreciate those rules. Both use those same rules in their homes. Honestly by daughter is having a harder time as her husband is addicted to gaming and can't be without his cell ph within arms reach. He is almost anti social with his gizmos. I absolutely despise how cell phones control some many lives anymore. It is a shame to see a family in a restaurant and they never speak to each other the whole evening as everyone is on their phones.
Since being grown with kids of their own, they have both told me at different times they use to that those rules but as they got older they learned to really appreciate those rules. Both use those same rules in their homes. Honestly by daughter is having a harder time as her husband is addicted to gaming and can't be without his cell ph within arms reach. He is almost anti social with his gizmos. I absolutely despise how cell phones control some many lives anymore. It is a shame to see a family in a restaurant and they never speak to each other the whole evening as everyone is on their phones.
I tend to agree. I would have picked up the tab too just to avoid the hassle and embarrassment of splitting it up. A waiter’s worst nightmare is when 8 “moms” come in and then want separate checks, and someone is inadvertently charged for a Coke when she had water. Chicks have no qualms about fighting over that stuff for 10-15 minutes. All of them are married to doctors, lawyers and developers, of course. And then they go shopping and spend $2,500 each. LOL.
You and Chumley are enablers. It is not judgemental to ask for no phones during dinner or you buy your own dinner.
I think most waiters would be on Divin's side and happily hand the girls their own checks.
^^^^Enabler? Easy old timer. You have no idea who I am or what I believe. I just try to avoid “family controversies” in public places. I know old guys are less worried about that, as the “filter” goes away once they are out of circulation.
I am cool with being a cell phone enabler. I am just glad the grandkids still like to spend time with their old grandpa.
If they’re on their phones it’s not quality time. And they’re not showing much respect for their Grandfather.
I suppose it's a matter of degree but a public rebuke is not the way to bring a family closer together.
Wouldn't it be more effective to establish the ground-rules beforehand and deal with any problems in a quiet way that builds family values and teaches a life lesson?
Wouldn't it be more effective to establish the ground-rules beforehand and deal with any problems in a quiet way that builds family values and teaches a life lesson?
Don't agree as it was the girls' choice not to follow the ground rules laid out for the meal and showed total disrespect for their grandparents. And, yes, you can put me in the "old fart" crowd, but that's one of the biggest problems with today's society, there are seldom consequences for bad decisions, and no one wants to take personal responsibility for a resulting negative outcome.
Sometimes the old guys have to take what they can get. Let’s be honest: 16-25 year olds kids generally don’t want to be around elderly relatives. They just don’t. Different interests, priorities, etc. Embrace this reality, even if you don’t like it.
Times change. I remember my Dad smoking at the dinner table 50 years ago. No one fully realized how ill-advised that really was. Trust me, I think the collapse of the traditional American family is largely responsible for many of our country’s problems. But, unfortunately, I don’t think we are ever going back to the days of June and Ward Cleaver or The Waltons.
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I want my employees to respect me. I want my grandkids to love me. I am not their drill sergeant. I am their grandfather.
Exactly. It is your children's job to be the drill sergeant. If their kids are not respecting their grandparents in a situation such as this, they need to set them straight asap.
In the OP's story I suspect the parents picked up the tab for their disrespectful kids and the cycle continues.
At a restaurant in Myrtle Beach we were seated next to large group and as soon as they ordered all of those with phones immediately had their heads down. One little girl about 3 years old wandered off and was halfway across the restaurant before we alerted them. Her and another child were completely ignored.
My wife has once snatched the phone out of one of the sons-in-law's hand at our house because he had his head in the phone the whole time he was there and his son was misbehaving constantly. He didn't get his phone back until it was time to leave.
Phones serve a purpose for taking photos of family gatherings and looking up information being discussed.
My wife has once snatched the phone out of one of the sons-in-law's hand at our house because he had his head in the phone the whole time he was there and his son was misbehaving constantly. He didn't get his phone back until it was time to leave.
Phones serve a purpose for taking photos of family gatherings and looking up information being discussed.
Hard for me to get on anyone's side on this one. Ignoring a badly behaving child is offensive. I am curious what your daughter was doing if she was not also on a phone. However even more egregious is someone snatching someone else's property and refusing to give it back. If my in laws did that to me they would get a verbal tongue lashing and afterwards would not see me again for a good long while. Some people might think getting things their way is worth that kind of turmoil. I do not.
The daughter was helping prepare the large meal. There are 20 of us when we are all together.
Our house, our rules. If he didn't like it then he can either not do it again or not come back. His son's behavior is inappropriate more often then it is not. We are not enabling or mollycoddling lazy behavior. It's easy to see why the son misbehaves. The defiance kids show to adults nowadays astounds me!
And don't worry, I'm not seeking yours or anyone else's approval.
I am not going to worry I assure you but I cannot stand the my way or the highway attitude from anyone. If someone did that to me they would not have to worry about me offending them in their house again. Your house your rules is no different then taking your ball and going home. Come on, I do not care whose home it is if you snatch away an adults phone and refuse to give it back you are in the wrong period.
A child respecting adults in general, and their parents specifically, is what is best for the child. Showing disrespect, talking back, ignoring parents, persistent arguing, all of these are bad for children, and also bad for parents. For one thing, it is harder to love kids you don't like. And it's harder to like kids who act in the manner I describe here.
Love is first respect is second. They go hand in hand. Single thing most important to kids is that they feel loved. Even when the kids are bad and they will be bad they must still always feel that every decision their parents make is based on love. They will respect that more then anything else. Also as a parent and as a leader in general you need to pick your battles and make point when it is most important to make one. Being an asshole is obvious even when it is done in the name of discipline or being a good parent.
The difference is it's MY home. You are repeatedly condemning me on a public message board for my actions in my home. LOL
And nobody stopped him from picking up his phone from the kitchen counter, he just didn't try so we deprived him of nothing. Maybe he got the message and corrected his ways! Mission accomplished.
