Mom started hitting her own mailbox backing out of driveway and even backed into car across the street.
She had already taken over driving for Dad..
She had already taken over driving for Dad..
When/how did you realize your parents/grandparents(spouse) couldn't drive anymore?
- Thread starter Dr. Nole
- Start date
7-8 years ago my Mom (she's 92 now), on the day of the Florida State vs. fu game, got into her car to run a few errands. She got lost in her subdivision and couldn't find her way home. She drove around for a while and saw a house with a F.S.U. flag on it. There were several cars there, they were having a game watching party. She knocked on the door and explained to the owner that she was lost. He asked her for her address , left his party and got in his car, she followed him home. She never drove again. GO NOLES !!!
My Mom got macular degeneration and it devolved pretty quickly. That was 15 or so years ago. She was incredibly independent and losing her vision meant for a lot of changes. It was not an easy time. But she was a trooper and kept busy and social until she passed 8 years ago Monday.
The positive news about macular is that they have made great strides in identifying it early and treatment to stop it and possibly reverse its course. Which is comforting to me because it is hereditary.
The positive news about macular is that they have made great strides in identifying it early and treatment to stop it and possibly reverse its course. Which is comforting to me because it is hereditary.
My 89 year old Mom gave the keys up willingly 4 years ago.
She said she wasn’t comfortable driving anymore.
I’m glad I didn’t have to argue with her about it, but now I’m her Uber.
She said she wasn’t comfortable driving anymore.
I’m glad I didn’t have to argue with her about it, but now I’m her Uber.
We strongly suggested to my Mom that she sell the car when she was 86. She really hated doing it but she knew it was time. She passed at 90, and because she'd had some mini - strokes was incapacitated. She missed that car until the day she passed.
A car -- and the (theoretical) ability to come/go that it provides -- is a tremendous comfort device for the elderly. Even though most of them KNOW they cannot drive, just having the car "available" gives them some (inflated or false) sense of independence. Once the car is gone, they view themselves as 100% dependent on others, which is scary for obvious reasons.
The getting old drill is not for the faint of heart.....please, God, take me quickly, quietly and painlessly.
My mom broke her hip in July and turned 90 in August. She developed dementia after the hip surgery but was driving up til then. Now she lives with us and we're about to sell her car. I had her license downgraded to just a photo ID.
She had said a couple of years ago she wanted to drive until she was 90. She almost made it.
She had said a couple of years ago she wanted to drive until she was 90. She almost made it.
Grandad recently got a newer version of his same Lexus, but this one has push to start and he seriously just can't figure it out. He has left the car in "drive" several times on accident. He's 89 and I think my dad finally just convinced him it's time to give up the keys the other day.
My dad is 85 and has vision and hearing problems. He's uncomfortable driving, but pretty much has to. My mom has memory issues so she doesn't drive anymore, but is sort of his co-pilot. I was just down there visiting them and took them to view some independent living places where they wouldn't have to worry about the day-to-day tasks like shopping, cleaning, etc. Hoping they choose that route soon, but it's their decision. My sister helps them out as she lives nearby, but she's not capable of doing what they need or is in a bit of denial. Would move them up to GA but they won't leave Florida.
My grandpa, a retired mechanic, went downhill pretty fast after he couldn’t drive. He told my dad he felt like he was good for nothing.
It can be especially tough on elderly men whose self esteem is task-driven. In contrast, my grandma lived another 25 years to a ripe old age of 104.
Thankfully my parents agreed to move in to an assisted living facility (finally)...dad had had several falls and couldn't drive and my mom drove them both for awhile then she too surrendered the keys. It is a great comfort knowing that they are in a safe place with help.
My in laws are another story...middle of no where GA on the family farm...MIL losing it mentally and so frail...any sort of fall and there will be broken bones etc I'm sure...they wont use their cell phone...basically no internet...when we try to broach the "assisted" living topic it's not received well.
Mom had been the driver and caregiver when my Dad's prostate cancer had begun its final toll (10 year slow growth) at just shy of 88. He was sort of her co-pilot and navigator, so she knew where to go. Church-Doctor-grocery store circuit.
She was 85 when he passed, and her "services" were no longer needed.
The week after we buried my Dad, we were to meet at the cemetery to finalize choosing the headstone. We told Mom we'd pick her up but she insisted on driving herself. We started to panic after waiting an hour for her to show up. She finally did, but was very stressed out and frightened. Sure enough, she had forgotten how to get there. One of us drove her home with the other following. She parked the car, and from then on her Home Instead lady drove her everywhere. She sold the house and car and moved into a retirement facility within a year. Being a social butterfly she soon got herself a guy friend who still drove.
That's a story for another time. 🙄
She was 85 when he passed, and her "services" were no longer needed.
The week after we buried my Dad, we were to meet at the cemetery to finalize choosing the headstone. We told Mom we'd pick her up but she insisted on driving herself. We started to panic after waiting an hour for her to show up. She finally did, but was very stressed out and frightened. Sure enough, she had forgotten how to get there. One of us drove her home with the other following. She parked the car, and from then on her Home Instead lady drove her everywhere. She sold the house and car and moved into a retirement facility within a year. Being a social butterfly she soon got herself a guy friend who still drove.
That's a story for another time. 🙄
The interesting thing is my dad is ready, but my mom is being stubborn. She'll do whatever he decides, but he's hesitant because everything is overwhelming to him at this point. He has always been a worrier and high-stress person, and that has not mellowed with age. I gave it a few days before calling yesterday to see where his head is at. He's in no rush, which is fine. But he has a tendency to push things off until there's a crisis. I don't want them to wait until there is no other option.
All day I see pretty much the geriatric age group....the one common theme I hear about when to move in to some sort of retirement facility is: Don't wait too long.
I believe in that age group the thinking has always been that when you move out of your "home" into a retirement facility, you are moving there to die. So they are very hesitant to do this understandably.
What my happiest patients say is move when you are still young enough to start the next phase of your life...where you can still meet people there and establish new friendships etc....don't wait until you are , forgive me, at deaths door to do it.
I believe in that age group the thinking has always been that when you move out of your "home" into a retirement facility, you are moving there to die. So they are very hesitant to do this understandably.
What my happiest patients say is move when you are still young enough to start the next phase of your life...where you can still meet people there and establish new friendships etc....don't wait until you are , forgive me, at deaths door to do it.
The unknown causes anxiety for most folks. For older people — who are VERY set in their ways — the anxiety can be even greater. And some of the assisted living and nursing home places — like everything — can be awful. So those fears are not totally crazy.
Getting old sucks. That’s the bottom line. You just hope you can finish your final chapter with some modicum of peace and dignity.
My mom also developed this in her mid 80's and it caused her to stop driving, then had a couple falls in the same year. The fear of other household problems declining vision can cause, brought her to decide to go with assisted living, currently at Mulligan Place in Tallahassee. She enjoys the social scene there and still gets out when she can.
The minor accidents is the leading indicator. My dad had a few and then the coup de grace was him getting lost going to Publix 2 miles away from home. (He was 94 years old).
He started to ride a bike after that, and had a couple of accidents running into a curb, then was hit by a car at age 95. Got up and called my mom to pick him up and threw the bike in the trunk. So ended his bicycle riding career. Mom had cancer and soon she was incapable of caring for him and he went into a nursing home. His dementia then accelerated once in the nursing home but he lived to a few months shy of 100!
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