Anyone ever been through a divorce?

[rymoreau]

I was a mental health counselor for nearly 40 years and specialized in working with couples. I wish I could say that I was a couple's first resort...unfortunately, more often that not, I was a couple's last resort. No one wakes up one morning and thinks, "I know what I'll do today. I'll file for divorce." Generally, divorce is something one (or both) partner has thought about, contemplated for a long time. When the option of divorce is finally openly discussed, the partner who is being left pleads with their spouse to give counseling a try. In my experience, the partner who is leaving agrees to counseling as a form of appeasement...so, they can tell themselves they tried everything; so they can get their spouse into seeing a therapist and make the abandoned spouse (and the despair of the abandoned spouse) someone else's problem; to alleviate their own guilt, etc. It was pretty rare for me to have a couple come in for counseling at the first sign of trouble, when both partners were, essentially, still emotionally invested in the marriage. In my experience, by the time most couples got to my office, while they both might be physically present, one partner had checked out emotionally long before I ever saw them. I did not often do marriage counseling; I was more often engaged in divorce counseling, assisting couples in going their separate ways with as little emotional damage as possible.

It was always satisfying when folks came in still invested in their relationship, because then I was genuinely able to help them get to a better place with each other.

This was exactly my experience. My Ex Wife had totally checked out and the counselor knew it. In private sessions with the counselor she suggested that divorce may be the best thing. I think she was preparing me for the inevitable. So moral of the story is if you are already talking about divorce it is probably over.

 

[JohnnieHolmesNole]

This was exactly my experience. My Ex Wife had totally checked out and the counselor knew it. In private sessions with the counselor she suggested that divorce may be the best thing. I think she was preparing me for the inevitable. So the moral of the story is if you are already talking about divorce it is probably over.

This. Just get it over with as reasonably as possible and move on with your life. I know people who have been embroiled in divorce litigation for 5-7 years (sometimes more). Great for the lawyers, accountants and psycho-babblers.....not so good for whomever is paying for it.

 

[BHillz]

Did Jimbo start this thread?

 

[LesClaypool]

^^^ Lame ^^^

 

[Osceola1728]

Did Jimbo start this thread?

No, because Jimbo didn't lose a good paying job two years ago.

 

[Osceola1728]

We talked and neither of us want a divorce, which is good. Right now we are in the process of planning a 3-4 day badly needed getaway to the beach. Both of us are stressed and just want to get away just us and the two boys. We always have a good time at the beach and I think it will be a good opportunity to recharge and refocus.

 

[JohnnieHolmesNole]

We talked and neither of us want a divorce, which is good. Right now we are in the process of planning a 3-4 day badly needed getaway to the beach. Both of us are stressed and just want to get away just us and the two boys. We always have a good time at the beach and I think it will be a good opportunity to recharge and refocus.

Pix??

 

[Osceola1728]

Pix??

Sure. Here's one of the condos were thinking about renting.

 

[Formerly Rockymtnole]

This may not come out right, and I wish you the best...however, if a week at the coast fixes what ails you and your wife, are things really that bad? I mean, most everyone gets stressed and most everyone goes through down times in their marriage. Hopefully you two can power through into a better future. Good luck.

 

[NoleFan2U]

Sure. Here's one of the condos were thinking about renting.

great response!

 

[Osceola1728]

This may not come out right, and I wish you the best...however, if a week at the coast fixes what ails you and your wife, are things really that bad? I mean, most everyone gets stressed and most everyone goes through down times in their marriage. Hopefully you two can power through into a better future. Good luck.

No, there is more to it than what I have told, I just don't want to go into a long drawn out discussion about it from start to finish. We have problems as most married couples do, but we really do need to work on some things to make it work. Your right, the weekend on the coast is not going to fix it, but it will be good for both of us to get away and relax.

 

[JohnnieHolmesNole]

Sure. Here's one of the condos were thinking about renting.

She looks stacked upstairs.

 

[Osceola1728]

She looks stacked upstairs.

You got that right. And then some.

 

[Phinhead]

Yes.

It sucks ass. It's like a family died, all of them (in laws, wife, etc), and yet, they are alive.

 

[wbnolefan]

I echo what ponchfrog said - be very careful where you seek advice. Don't ask a fat guy how to lose weight in other words

 

[noleville]

You do find out who your real friends are. You know, I've had more than a few friends get divorced, some VERY bad ones. Yet I found it easy to stay out of it and not run down his ex. It seems to me the worst thing is that while you're in a fight with your soon to be ex and her family the people you thought were your friends too are also taking shots.