Kids
- Thread starter nole71911
- Start date
This may be simplistic - we moved the 'burbs when we got married at age 29. Had the plan to have children. My wife had a daughter who was 11 and my nephew, who was 13, moved in with us. So instant family, but teenagers that didn't need constant attention. Anyway, Saturday/Sunday morning when I would drive to work or go somewhere in the morning (usually have a long night) I would say to myself "thank god I'm not out there with all those fathers." That feeling went on and we lived our life as mostly childless (nephew and step-daughter had cars and usually were not seen unless they needed money)....until one morning I was driving to work early on one Saturday and I looked out the window and said to myself....I really want to be out their with those fathers.
Luckily we were not too late and have a healthy 2 year old girl (after a life altering preemie birth experience)
Luckily we were not too late and have a healthy 2 year old girl (after a life altering preemie birth experience)
We just had our first kid, (I'm 36, will be 37 in May) and I have to say it's pretty damn awesome! You should do it, I'm in amazement everyday of this little guy.
Trying to think if there is anything I would trade for to have this time back...like a million bucks, or a trip around the world,...and nothing even comes close. So with that said, it's worth doing, it's a no brainier. Just make sure you aren't addicted to drugs or anything and you have a great mom for him/her to help out.
Good luck!
This post was edited on 3/23 4:41 PM by DanC78
Trying to think if there is anything I would trade for to have this time back...like a million bucks, or a trip around the world,...and nothing even comes close. So with that said, it's worth doing, it's a no brainier. Just make sure you aren't addicted to drugs or anything and you have a great mom for him/her to help out.
Good luck!
This post was edited on 3/23 4:41 PM by DanC78
This x1000. Deciding to go the no kid lifestyle is certainly understandable- kids are really really hard early on but they also provide the greatest joy in life (way better than even any night as a fraternity president "living the dream").
If your decision tips to no kids you are deciding on a lifestyle of freedom and making choices for yourself (again nothing wrong with that) and if so why get married in the first place?
My wife and I have no kids. I'm 49, she's 47. Got married 7 years ago. Most of our friends are around our age, a fair number of them do not have kids. Why get married? For many of the same reasons other folks do - one difference being, we (and some of our friends) decided not to have kids.
I am completely at peace with our decision. We have a great life, spend a lot of time with family, friends, and both have jobs geared toward giving back and helping others.
Just make sure you're on the same page. My brother and his wife don't have kids and they're now past the age of having them. She never wanted them. Pretty sure he would have like to. They've had some marital stress and I'd guess it will always be an issue between them. He'd have been a good dad. She made the right choice.
Had our boy when I turned 40 - only child.
My only advised is make sure your are on the same page with your spouse regarding everything about kids - raising them, religion, etc.
This is the biggest responsibility in anyone's life and I doubt you would find many parents who would not agree it's the greatest gift you can receive.
Best of luck whatever you choose to do.
My only advised is make sure your are on the same page with your spouse regarding everything about kids - raising them, religion, etc.
This is the biggest responsibility in anyone's life and I doubt you would find many parents who would not agree it's the greatest gift you can receive.
Best of luck whatever you choose to do.
We are both 31 and just got married and have no kids currently. I just look at where we could be without kids living on a beach by 52, drinking traveling the world, retired, doing whatever we want. Now having kids will not preclude us from that, but it definitely will lower the odds, and it will definitely be postponed. Not to mention I am deathly afraid of having a girl if/when we decide to have kids. I just look at folks without kids and see they are much less stressed, do things with their life beside chase after kids, and have a boatload more money. I like free time, money, and no stress................but everyone says how rewarding kids are. My parents said I was worth it, but i do not believe them
!!!!!!!!!!!
Best thing you can do at this point is keep an open mind. Travel now and then you can settle down. I've traveled a fair amount and would much, much rather spend a weekend doing something with my kids.Originally posted by nole71911:
We are both 31 and just got married and have no kids currently. I just look at where we could be without kids living on a beach by 52, drinking traveling the world, retired, doing whatever we want. Now having kids will not preclude us from that, but it definitely will lower the odds, and it will definitely be postponed. Not to mention I am deathly afraid of having a girl if/when we decide to have kids. I just look at folks without kids and see they are much less stressed, do things with their life beside chase after kids, and have a boatload more money. I like free time, money, and no stress................but everyone says how rewarding kids are. My parents said I was worth it, but i do not believe them!!!!!!!!!!!
That is for sure. For me the hard part is over but the expensive part is just beginning. I'll be sending one to college in the fall and have a FR in high school who will be out the door in a few years. It's been a wild, but truly amazing ride, watching them grow up.
I'll just offer this, as I don't really have an opinion one way or another. I don't judge people who decide not to have kids. However, I think a lot of people assume child birth is easy, and might say, "well, I don't want one now...but maybe one day." It's quite possible that "one day" may never happen.
I never expected to go through what we went through trying to have our daughter. No one in our families ever had any issues, but we lost two before she was born. I'm not religious, but I suppose shes the closest thing to a miracle I could imagine. I'm 33, and it took a while of trying to have her. It was a long process, and there was a point where we thought it might not be in the cards for us.
I guess my advice is that you should probably decide sooner rather than later. You just never know what will happen. No pressure, though!
Posted from Rivals Mobile
I never expected to go through what we went through trying to have our daughter. No one in our families ever had any issues, but we lost two before she was born. I'm not religious, but I suppose shes the closest thing to a miracle I could imagine. I'm 33, and it took a while of trying to have her. It was a long process, and there was a point where we thought it might not be in the cards for us.
I guess my advice is that you should probably decide sooner rather than later. You just never know what will happen. No pressure, though!
Posted from Rivals Mobile
Then I guess I'll just go off myself.
I don't have a strong desire to have my own children. If I was married to someone (or considering getting married to someone) who absolutely wanted kids, fine. We can try and whatever happens, awesome. I'd even consider adoption. I like seeing my friends' kids, I babysit on occasion, I absolutely adore my nephew, etc. And there is a part of me that wonders what it would be like to be pregnant, have the newborn baby smell around all the time...but that's not enough to make me rush out and have kids.
Most of my close friends (married or in a long-term relationship) don't have kids.
I'm 34, wife is 31. We have a 15 month old and that little guy is awesome. Being a parent has its ups and downs. That being said, watching his face light up when he sees us makes even crappy days awesome. We are talking about having a second, but I'll need a new job before that happens.
This post was edited on 3/23 9:50 PM by runkpanole
This post was edited on 3/23 9:50 PM by runkpanole
I'm 34, my wife is 31 and we got married three years ago. We started trying last year and we had issues. Cone to find out my wife has a disease that put her in the hospital for 17 day last August. We were told to hold off until she is off medication and it is no longer an issue. Seven months later she's still on it and getting frustrated because we can't even try. It took her parents eight years of trying before they had kids and she doesn't have that much time. She said due to risks of down syndrome spiking around 35 if we don't have kids in the next 3-4 years we aren't going to try anymore.
Not to mention all her friends are getting pregnant and she is getting bitter.
I hope we can because it would be pretty devastating if we can't. Those of you who have had them are lucky and blessed.
Posted from Rivals Mobile
Not to mention all her friends are getting pregnant and she is getting bitter.
I hope we can because it would be pretty devastating if we can't. Those of you who have had them are lucky and blessed.
Posted from Rivals Mobile
Married at 42, wife 10 years younger and we have a boy turning five in April. Being an older father played into the decision not to have any more children but I am very happy we decided to have at least one child. It has been great but i understand people who choose not to have kids.
Priorities and freedoms change drastically.
Posted from Rivals Mobile
Priorities and freedoms change drastically.
Posted from Rivals Mobile
I'm a 33 and a single dad of a 3 year old son. Things didn't work out with his mom. I wouldn't trade my son for anything. I never knew that I could love another person so much. The smile on his face makes every sacrifice I make in my life worth it.
Posted from Rivals Mobile
Posted from Rivals Mobile
45+. Absolutely worth it, but it will put your nose to the grindstone with pressure like you can't believe. I think it was Chris Matthews who said "The day you have children is the last day you will never worry again". My sister tells me you are only as happy as your happiest child...(from a mom's perspective).
Wife & I got married relatively young (I was 24, she was 22) - but we didn't have kids for 15+ years. Had a blast, did lots of traveling & did lots of things that we likely wouldn't have done & seen if we'd had kids right away. Both loved every bit of it.
Had our first shortly after I turned 40, our second 2.5 years later. It's been a drastic lifestyle change, but we've both loved every bit of parent-life, too.
Had our first shortly after I turned 40, our second 2.5 years later. It's been a drastic lifestyle change, but we've both loved every bit of parent-life, too.
That's pretty wild SeaPa...waited until you were 40 after 15 years of marriage...impressive!
Posted from Rivals Mobile
I was single until 35. Married and had 2 kids in 3 years. Single life is awesome if you are making the most of it. Married life with kids is awesome if you are making the most of it.
What's the point of retiring early if you are married to some old bag, if you're 47 and single and have the money to retire at 50 you're probably going to end up getting some side tail and end up divorced and lose half your shit and still end up working until 70.
Basically, you're damned if you do, damned if you don't.
If you stay childless you better do something awesome with your freedom, if I see you posting on all of these TV show threads, I'm going to track you down and kick you in the balls.
I love my wife and kids, the wife tolerates me for who I am, and the kids are a captive audience. It's a lot of fun.
If I didn't have kids not much would be different, only I'd drink more and my 3 weeks of vacation per year would be more photo worthy.
What's the point of retiring early if you are married to some old bag, if you're 47 and single and have the money to retire at 50 you're probably going to end up getting some side tail and end up divorced and lose half your shit and still end up working until 70.
Basically, you're damned if you do, damned if you don't.
If you stay childless you better do something awesome with your freedom, if I see you posting on all of these TV show threads, I'm going to track you down and kick you in the balls.
I love my wife and kids, the wife tolerates me for who I am, and the kids are a captive audience. It's a lot of fun.
If I didn't have kids not much would be different, only I'd drink more and my 3 weeks of vacation per year would be more photo worthy.
One thing I noticed is that many of you have only had one child due to financial concerns and honesty about having your hands full. I wish more of this country practiced your level of responsibility and reason.
Side question: for those without kids, do you wonder what life is going to be like when you get old/lose your spouse? I know my father and mother would be lost without us, they are both in their 70s.
Posted from Rivals Mobile
Side question: for those without kids, do you wonder what life is going to be like when you get old/lose your spouse? I know my father and mother would be lost without us, they are both in their 70s.
Posted from Rivals Mobile
Bottom line, if you decide you want to start a family, you will never regret it. The late nights, the teething ( dip your finger in Jack Daniels and rub it on the gum line works almost everytime) the diapers along with a host of other "duties" will wear on you, but I would not trade it for anything. The rewards are immeasurable. You get to show them your world and even the most simple thing of playing catch (cue the Cats in the Cradle music) will always stay with you. My wife is ten years younger than me and out kids are now 9 and 12 and I rue the day they are out of the house, they make life (the good and the bad) a helluva a lot more exciting. And when me and the wife need to get away to Jamaica, we ship the kids to their grandparents. Now grandparents, that is another story, they will spoil the hell out of your kids in ways they never spoiled you.
We'll likely only have the one. Mainly from a financial concern (daycare is no joke!), but some due to our past issues. It's tough, because society sort of ingrains this feeling of "they need a sibling." I have a brother, so the idea is sort of foreign to me, but something I have begun to accept. I know my wife wants more, but she's started coming around as well.
Had our first and only at 42. He's an awesome little dude. BUT if you aren't absolutely sure (and it took us a while to get there obviously) don't have them. Way too many un or underloved kiddos in the world. There are lots and lots of good reasons not to have kids and I completely get and appreciate them. It is a life changing experience in good and not so good and great and not so great ways.
I wouldn't put him back though!
Posted from Rivals Mobile
I wouldn't put him back though!
Posted from Rivals Mobile
Well that's not true. There are all sorts of articles and message boards about people regretting having kids.
Would you still till thnk this if your kids were born with severe disabilities? Never able to talk, limited communication abilities, wheelchair-bound, will have to wear a diaper for the rest of their lives, thousands spent in therapy (OT, PT). And what do you do with them when they age out of school?
There are no right or wrong answers. It's personal choice and being on the same page as your spouse. I could have lived happily without children, but my wife wanted children. I was 31 and she 29 when we got married. I did get the urge after a couple of years, but by then we had trouble conceiving. It worked out almost five years ago when our twin boys were born. So I was 37, wife 35 when they were born. I would have been fine with one, but having twins took care of that for us. I enjoy them more now than when they were infants, although every stage has its pluses and minuses. At 42, they are about to turn five years old in three weeks. I would say to those of you that have family that is willing to help out, consider yourselves very lucky. My wife and I have been on our own more or less the entire time, and it can become overwhelming. We're still trying to find a balance that gives us some time for ourselves, both as a couple and as individuals. But I don't regret having them at all. At the same time, I can totally understand why some choose not to.
If you don't have kids you likely will never miss what you never had. It's hard to understand what it is like to have kids until you do. People that don't have them will never understand.
Also keep in mind, it's drastically different having 1 kid versus multiple. The first kid is a total life change and you might think having 2 is not going to add much. BS. 2 exponentially changes things.
Another thing to consider is... time flies. It seems like yesterday my daughter was born. She's now 8. My son is 6. It's all going by in a flash and soon they will be off and out of the house and we will probably be bored out of our minds.
Also keep in mind, it's drastically different having 1 kid versus multiple. The first kid is a total life change and you might think having 2 is not going to add much. BS. 2 exponentially changes things.
Another thing to consider is... time flies. It seems like yesterday my daughter was born. She's now 8. My son is 6. It's all going by in a flash and soon they will be off and out of the house and we will probably be bored out of our minds.
I had kids young, and always knew I wanted to be a father. More than I ever knew what I wanted to do career-wise. I always wanted three like we have. I probably would have been happy to have as many as five or six, had my wife been inclined that way and finances were flush, but that was never going to be a possibility.
That said, what you describe haunted me, and still haunts me. For me, getting to the "healthy baby" point (not that things can't happen later) was extremely stressful to me. My wife I think was "distracted" by the actual challenges and discomforts of pregnancy, but I just worried so bad. Bad enough that I almost could have talked myself into stopping after one healthy one. I just don't see myself strong enough to be one of those people that deal with one of those extremely challenged kids...where you basically spend the rest of your living years caring for them.
And that never leaves me completely...still worry about stuff happening to them.
But they've been great, and super rewarding and always been great company to me. We've given up a lot of freedom and opportunities, and there is a lot of travelling we will never do, but all in all, there isn't much I am even slightly sorry to have given up. It might be just a lack of imagination on my part...
I think people can have a rewarding life without kids, but I know I would not be able to. I just don't think I'm cut out to have made the most out of any other lifestyle.
I started late. I'm 49 and have two girls - 10 and 2. I really thought I'd be much more laid back as a dad than I am.
My husband and I got married three weeks after we graduated from FSU but we waited until we were 28 to have kids. Those first years were important because frankly we weren't grown up yet.
My kids are the most important thing in my life. Well, besides my granddaughter who is one year old today!
My kids are the most important thing in my life. Well, besides my granddaughter who is one year old today!
Similar threads
