Got in a debate about premarital sex on Saturday, and discovered that the Bible really is kind of vague on this subject. What is you take? Immoral? Okay?
Premarital Sex
- Thread starter Semiologist
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Now that I'm married, I am opposed to it. My views were once significantly different.
The New Testament isn't vague about it, Paul is pretty explicit in Corinthians that the only acceptable sex is sex between a husband and a wife. The Old Testament on the other hand has no prohibition on it because 1) the Greek and Aramaic terms used for marriage is closer to "consent" or agreement than what we think of as state sanctioned marriage and it was really about not humping women without securing the approval of their fathers for dowry and property purposes and 2) there was lots of sex without even this limited form of arrangement as rape victims were required to marry their rapists as penalty for "seducing them", that men of means were not only allowed multiple wives but concubines who had lesser rights, that Warriors were allowed to "take" women as their "brides" from conquered villages even if they were already married or their fathers didn't approve and could be "divorced" through a simple public acknowledgement that the marriage was no longer acceptable and brothers, fathers and uncles (in that order) would be required to marry their in law if her husband died while they were still alive and were expected to hump them immediately as any child born within the first year would be their old "husband's" child and the woman's dowry would pass to the infant keeping her wealth within the family rather than reverting to her old family.
So basically Old Testament equals rape away and feel free to have as many women for brides and concubines as you want. While Paul in the New Testament wants you to be ashamed of even impure thoughts unless you are married to the woman (still can have multiple wives though).
So basically Old Testament equals rape away and feel free to have as many women for brides and concubines as you want. While Paul in the New Testament wants you to be ashamed of even impure thoughts unless you are married to the woman (still can have multiple wives though).
Reasons not to have premarital sex:
1) diseases
2) pregnancy
3) emotional complications
4) reputational damage
Reasons to have premarital sex:
1) it is often better, in both frequency and intensity, than married sex
2) variety is a wonderful thing
3) the willingness of the fairer sex to indulge in adventurous ideas declines in direct proportion to the length of marriage.
1) diseases
2) pregnancy
3) emotional complications
4) reputational damage
Reasons to have premarital sex:
1) it is often better, in both frequency and intensity, than married sex
2) variety is a wonderful thing
3) the willingness of the fairer sex to indulge in adventurous ideas declines in direct proportion to the length of marriage.
I think this covers it pretty well. Back when I was a participant, I was all for it. Now that I'm older, and I have a daughter, I am a lot more aware of the "reasons not to" category. And it's not as simple as "she's my daughter and she should never have sex" - I know better than that. It's moreso that I see now the negative impact that having sex with the wrong person, or for the wrong reason, or too soon, can have on a girl's life.
It seems like Corinthians 1 is the most obvious usually referenced against premarital sex, but it still doesn't come right out and say "no sex before marriage." Hebrews 13:4 is the one I think most says that premarital sex is a non-go. "Let marriage be held in honour by all, and let the marriage bed be kept undefiled; for God will judge fornicators and adulterers."
It's like drinking to me: do it responsibly. I don't have any objections to it, used to partake quite liberally and had a lot of fun with it. I don't view it through a lens of morality vs immorality, at all.
Just be responsible. You get pregnant or impregnate someone, deal with it responsibly. Don't run away from responsibilities. If you get diseased, take care of it. Something you can't take care of, be honest with every single prospective partner going forward. Don't take advantage of someone, and that includes emotionally. She's more into you than her? Be honest about your feelings and don't give mixed signals. Don't call a girl a slut. It's her decision, her body, and you aren't in her brain to understand why. And men shouldn't be considered studs for sleeping around.
Just be responsible. You get pregnant or impregnate someone, deal with it responsibly. Don't run away from responsibilities. If you get diseased, take care of it. Something you can't take care of, be honest with every single prospective partner going forward. Don't take advantage of someone, and that includes emotionally. She's more into you than her? Be honest about your feelings and don't give mixed signals. Don't call a girl a slut. It's her decision, her body, and you aren't in her brain to understand why. And men shouldn't be considered studs for sleeping around.
I agree, it's like drinking to me. It's a lot of fun and I do it often and to excess. Coincidentally, I like my girls like my whiskey, at least 18 years old and mixed up in coke.
I'm more concerned with postmarital sex these days.
Man, crazy how getting married and having a kid can change your view on things.
I hope my son can keep it in his pants until he finds the girl who he marries.
I hope my son can keep it in his pants until he finds the girl who he marries.
Calling a girl a slut for her free spirited nature never made sense to me.
What's that? I think I might have a vague memory of it, but it eludes me.
Doesn't make sense to me either. Sluts can be from either gender.
I was all for premarital sex before I got married and engaged it as much as possible. Now that I have a daughter, it makes you stop and think about things.
"Sluts can be from either gender. I was all for premarital sex before I got married and engaged it as much as possible. Now that I have a daughter, it makes you stop and think about things."
I can tell you the talk I had with my daughter about all this was very different than my talk with my son. With him it was, be careful with other people's feelings. Be careful what you catch, etc.... With her it was about consequences and.... be careful what you do because it will impact how you feel about yourself...
I can tell you the talk I had with my daughter about all this was very different than my talk with my son. With him it was, be careful with other people's feelings. Be careful what you catch, etc.... With her it was about consequences and.... be careful what you do because it will impact how you feel about yourself...
I'm just hoping mine can let go of his long enough so that it can breathe and not fall off. Good lord, that 4 y/o has a death grip on his like it is going to run away.
Now that I have a daughter my thoughts are more about: "How many bodies can I hide in the woods behind my property before animals become an issue?"
It's not premarital sex if you PIITB
Or so some people opposed to it on religious grounds believe
Or so some people opposed to it on religious grounds believe
...and having kids reinforced this thought, correct?
We have told our kids that we indulged in many behaviors that would not be smart for them to also partake in. Not that we are selfish, but that we we were not forward thinking.
We just hope that they learn from our poor choices, rather than duplicate them.
I personally don't think premarital sex is bad. There are so many people today who choose not to get married at all, and many are monogomous. Our culture in general has such a screwed up view of sex. I think that if you respect yourself, respect the person you're with, and practice safe-sex then go for it.
Same, here. Had my share before marriage and now wish that I hadn't. While I'm a Christian, it's not the reason why. My mom was only with my dad for 40 years. It's pretty awesome.
