Spank or No-Spank

[DanC78]

The trophy thread has me thinking.

If you do spank your kids, at what age did you start, and when do you stop? What is your weapon of choice (that sounds awful, but not sure how else to put it). And for clarification, I'm not talking about popping your kid in the moment with your hand. I'm meaning more along the lines of, bend over, take paddle, and multiple swats.

If you don't spank, what is the punishment? Time outs? Restriction? A thorough talking?

Do the parents who do not spank still have hellions for kids?
Do the parents who do spank have kids that are timid and not confident?

Lots of questions here, I know.

 

[BelemNole]

I was spanked as a kid and assumed I would be a spanker too. Turned out not to be the case. I spanked my son once. Was ineffective and generally sucked. We have much better ways of discipline for our kids. They are incredibly well behaved. Sometimes I worry that they are too well behaved.

 

[DanC78]

I was spanked as a kid and assumed I would be a spanker too. Turned out not to be the case. I spanked my son once. Was ineffective and generally sucked. We have much better ways of discipline for our kids. They are incredibly well behaved. Sometimes I worry that they are too well behaved.

What are the better ways?

 

[More Kirk Less Spock]

The trophy thread has me thinking.

If you do spank your kids, at what age did you start, and when do you stop? What is your weapon of choice (that sounds awful, but not sure how else to put it). And for clarification, I'm not talking about popping your kid in the moment with your hand. I'm meaning more along the lines of, bend over, take paddle, and multiple swats.

If you don't spank, what is the punishment? Time outs? Restriction? A thorough talking?

Do the parents who do not spank still have hellions for kids?
Do the parents who do spank have kids that are timid and not confident?

Lots of questions here, I know.

oh you mean spank someone else...Gotcha..Otherwise, it was a no brainer.

 

[cheeselog8]

We spank, starting when they were around 2.5 to 3. They are 8 and 9 now and we haven't spanked them for at least a couple years. Always used couple swats with a wooden spoon, followed by holding them while they calmed down and talking to them about the issue that caused the spanking.

IMHO, the worst is to use spanking as an intimidation tactic - e.g. yelling at them/staring them down, spanking then leaving the room. We tried hard to remain calm and afterwards would talk to them honestly about what caused it so they knew why they were being spanked.

No issues with confidence at all.

I have no issues at all with parents that choose not to spank, to each their own.

 

[NDallasRuss]

Was going to post some random stuff about whacking the kid to try to be funny - decided not to.

Instead, I can say that we spanked her in the past when whatever she did warranted more severe punishment. She's about to turn 12yo now, and there are just much better, more effective ways to punish her. She's got devices that can be take away, shows that she's not allowed to watch, activities that she's not allowed to participate in, etc. We don't have to spank her to get our point across.

The biggest difference is that now she's developed enough to see the cause/effect and downstream impact of the choices that she makes. This allows us to have much more meaningful, insightful, educational discussions that address issues or potential issues and allows her to see the reasons why we want her to do something, or not do something. She might not always agree with our reasons, but she at least gets to see that we do have them, and that they're generally objective and well-reasoned, rather than just arbitrary rules that we're trying to put in place.

I'm sure that the number of times that we actually had to spank her were limited to maybe a half dozen times - probably less. And, she's a really good kid. It was never done in an effort to intimidate her or assert dominance over her - just to correct something in a way that let her know that it was way more serious than normal mistakes/poor choices. She's not timid at all, and she's certainly not afraid of us.

 

[GwinnettNole]

I was given the belt when I was kid....My dad used to get his ear pulled and he did this as well--- both the strap (belt) and the ear pull hurt like a m'fer. My mom used to slap us...

I can't do that-- not even spanking. We did timeouts and now that the kids are older (12, 10, 8) they lose things like privileges.

Different times I tell you but I don't think spanking or hitting your kid sends a good message (at least IMO--- do what you want with your kid).

 

[fsu1jreed]

I had my ass whopped (deservedly so) times than I can remember and I think I turned out ok.

 

[BelemNole]

What are the better ways?

Depends on the kid. My son is VERY rules based. Was since he was a baby. You tell him a rule and he obeys it. He expects you to obey it as well. We he breaks a rule he loses privileges to whatever it is that he cares most deeply about at the time.
When he was about 4 or so I saw him chuck a toy off of the play structure and into the neighbor's yard. I went out and asked him where the toy went and he lied to me. I then told him that I saw him chuck it and that because he lied, and not because he threw the toy, he lost all Thomas the Train (or whatever) privileges for a few days. That left a mark. That kid told me about stuff he did for the next two years without me even asking. And even to this day 8 years later I still see him look over his shoulder at me when he's thinking about getting into mischief. Because he knows I'm watching.
My daughter on the other hand doesn't care about things like that. Take away all her stuff and she wouldn't care. Put her in time-out and she'll sit there for a week with a mean face on. But if you actually get upset or disappointed in her? She'll sob for days. She'll be the death of me in a few more years when she's a teenager, but the boy, the boy is trained.

 

[DFSNOLE]

I was spanked as were my two children.
My daughter who is now a teacher had a parent tell her during orientation this year that her child has ODD, Oppositional Defiance Disorder. This is a four year old. My daughter told her aide that she would've had the ODD beaten out of her.

 

[grady327]

Spare the rod spoil the child. Whoop that ass!

 

[RTM58]

Spanked the daughter once at four and never had to do it again. She got better with age. The wife oddly enough got worse. It's like she wanted to get it.

Olivia Munn was beaten by her Tiger Mom and she turned out just right.

 

[seminoledq]

I don't believe in spanking. I'm a softie. I prefer to leave the kids in a hot car with the windows up until they realize what they've done wrong.

 

[RangerNole]

I spanked my son until one day he said " oh daddy that was a good one" at that point I figured I would have to hit him to hard and thought the punishment was moving from a spanking to hitting. I ended up finding much better punishments. He hates isolation and a couple of times when he was younger I took him o the school athletic field and smoked the crud out of him; he even told me once that he never wanted that smoke session thing again. I think my daughter was only spanked a handful of times and she got the idea real quick. We are truly blessed as both my kids are real good kids with strong morals; of course they also saw a number of cousins make some really bad choices with really bad consequences. While I may wish my kids improved in some areas and they will they are teenagers still; values, morals. decision making and behavior are things we aren't super concerned about.

 

[DanC78]

I spanked my son until one day he said " oh daddy that was a good one" at that point I figured I would have to hit him to hard and thought the punishment was moving from a spanking to hitting. I ended up finding much better punishments. He hates isolation and a couple of times when he was younger I took him o the school athletic field and smoked the crud out of him; he even told me once that he never wanted that smoke session thing again. I think my daughter was only spanked a handful of times and she got the idea real quick. We are truly blessed as both my kids are real good kids with strong morals; of course they also saw a number of cousins make some really bad choices with really bad consequences. While I may wish my kids improved in some areas and they will they are teenagers still; values, morals. decision making and behavior are things we aren't super concerned about.

What do you mean by smoke

 

[RangerNole]

What do you mean by smoke

Sorry it is a military term for doing very hard PT

 

[cmanole]

Some well timed spankings are actually healthy for children. I know some people who don't spank their kids at all and they are little chits...

 

[MR . B]

Some well timed spankings are actually healthy for children. I know some people who don't spank their kids at all and they are little chits...

I agree!

 

[MIKE_G]

Sorry it is a military term for doing very hard PT

Whew. I thought this belonged in Freefly's brisket thread for a second.

 

[surfnole]

I did, but probably a few times that I regret. More with my first than the other two, and even my first probably about five times in my life. It was ineffective with my daughter. She was about 2-3 and kept getting out of bed for a glass of water, use the bathroom, get a stuffed animal......I finally gave her a little spanking each time she got out of bed. After the third time I realized it was completely ineffective. She didn't care. So, I took away Lala, her stuffed bunny that was her favorite, and put her on the kitchen table and told my daughter she could have Lala back in the morning. She went ballistic with screaming and crying.

My wife and I were watching TV and about 10 minutes later my daughter came storming out of her room with her fist balled up, her chest out, snot running down her face and yelled "I'M TAKING LALA BACK!". It was all my wife and I could do to not burst out laughing. I escorted her back to her room and took another one of her stuffed animals for the night (she had abouut 10), and she went ballistic again and cried herself to sleep.

We never had a problem with her getting of bed again.

 

[ncnole1975]

I was spanked as a kid and assumed I would be a spanker too. Turned out not to be the case. I spanked my son once. Was ineffective and generally sucked. We have much better ways of discipline for our kids. They are incredibly well behaved. Sometimes I worry that they are too well behaved.

This is how I feel. My old man whipped my ass daily. I snapped one day and popped my daughter on the ass. Felt awful and never did it again

 

[West Duval Nole]

I got spanked when I was a kid and much worse. I also got paddled in school quite a bit by the teachers primarily old nuns. The one that was the principal seemed like a fragile old lady but man could she swing the paddle hard. The others were weak and didn't really hurt too bad. Now the coach. If he did it, crying occurred. I actually preferred getting the paddle at school then for them to tell my dad and get whatever he was going to dish out. The punishment I hated most was when they held me out of a game in whatever sport I was playing at the time. I always looked forward to Saturday game days and it was usually either soccer or baseball or both.

I spank my kids on occasion depending on the offense and only after a verbal warning to not do something again and if they do they are getting the belt. Usually the punishment is sending them to their room with no electronic devices or toys or an earlier bed time.

 

[goldmom]

I gave my kids a smack or two maybe half a dozen times combined-
It probably wasn't enough now that I think about it.

 

[surfnole]

How crazy is this. You could be paddled at school with your parents never knowing until after the fact. We lived in terror of Coach Mcbride and what he could do with his paddle. I remember one kid getting paddled in the hallway and we could hear his screams on the whole floor. He deserved it BTW since he cold cocked me in the middle of class while the teacher was lecturing, but I did verbally abuse him first.

 

[jamnolfin]

The absolute best punishment for a child is to take their bedroom door off, when you behave i will put it back on. Nothing is worse especially for a teenager than to take their one place that gives them solitude away. My brother did it to his son and he still talks about how much he hated it.

 

[Garnet66]

I didn't have children, but as a young teacher, I paddled two.

The first time was when I took a problem child to the principal's office. I was shocked when she handed me a paddle and told me to paddle him. I know I didn't hit him hard, but I didn't have any more trouble with him.

A few years later, I decided to paddle a 3rd grader that was a constant disturbance. It didn't help, and in retrospect, I knew he couldn't help his hyperactivity. I moved up to 5th grade; and as a 5th grader, his parents had him moved from another teacher's room into mine. I don't know why there was a problem with the other teacher because by then he was on medication for hyperactivity and was well behaved for me.

I never paddled another child. I always looked for other ways to discipline.

 

[DanC78]

I got spanked when I was a kid and much worse. I also got paddled in school quite a bit by the teachers primarily old nuns. The one that was the principal seemed like a fragile old lady but man could she swing the paddle hard. The others were weak and didn't really hurt too bad. Now the coach. If he did it, crying occurred. I actually preferred getting the paddle at school then for them to tell my dad and get whatever he was going to dish out. The punishment I hated most was when they held me out of a game in whatever sport I was playing at the time. I always looked forward to Saturday game days and it was usually either soccer or baseball or both.

I was the same. Would ask for a paddling when in trouble at school. I hated staying after school for detention or having to miss games.

This went on through my senior year. The paddlings were the real deal too!

 

[FreeFlyNole]

I'm not a spanker. I've swatted my 3 year old a few times, but only when she did something that could have put her in danger.

I'm not sure if I will be when they get bigger, I don't think I will be but I'll never say never.

 

[PoopandBoogers]

I don't have kids that I know about, so take this as purely anecdotal. I was spanked, popped and publicly embarrassed. In my young memory these instances did teach me a real lesson and are still with me today.

Set off a fire alarm at a AF base nursery "on accident" . I was 6. Women running around pushing nursery carts with babies screaming, my first taste of mischief and consequences.. Got my pants pulled down on the side of the road, during full traffic, spanked, horns honking. Damn.

Learned "if it looks like it wants to be touched, don't, unless it touches you first."

Got hit with a wooden spoon on my bare naked ass around 8 cause I took my younger brother and his friend out too deep into the surf at a beach where the friend's mom's sister drowned a couple years earlier.

Learned big time on that, watch out for your bros and who they are with.

Got paddled in pre-k4 at a Baptist school for telling the truth about writing with both hands. Teacher told us to not draw the story until she was done (she took away the crayons from our right hands, but I'm ambidextrous) so when she saw I drew a pig with a big smile and me laughing, I was sent out into the hallway and got spanked.

Learned, don't show all your cards unless you have to.


Got wrist slapped with a ruler until tears rolled down by O.O Murray in 1st grade public school, in front of the whole grade. 1st grade did a Thanksgiving play every year, the Pilgrims got to carry rifles around the stage and protect the innocent girls (my girlfriends at the time!). But somehow the Indians in the class had better scenes. Fight almost broke out in costume. Straw was broke when me and another pilgrim (who is now a minister) snuck off on a patrol to scout out the conference room where the girls were changing into costume.
We got a good peek, but got caught and wrist spanked.

Learned- don't take anyone taller and bigger than you on a panty raid.

 

[JohnnieHolmesNole]

I was spanked as were my two children.
My daughter who is now a teacher had a parent tell her during orientation this year that her child has ODD, Oppositional Defiance Disorder. This is a four year old. My daughter told her aide that she would've had the ODD beaten out of her.

Wow, that's a new one to me, and strikes me as more psycho-babble nonsense. I am quite sure my Dad could have also "cured" this alleged disorder.

 

[DFSNOLE]

Wow, that's a new one to me, and strikes me as more psycho-babble nonsense. I am quite sure my Dad could have also "cured" this alleged disorder.

She's the Pre-K ESE teacher. She'll tell you a good number of the kids don't have real disorders just lazy, sorry parents who don't properly discipline or spend adequate time with their kids.

 

[JohnnieHolmesNole]

She's the Pre-K ESE teacher. She'll tell you a good number of the kids don't have real disorders just lazy, sorry parents who don't properly discipline or spend adequate time with their kids.

I can believe that. I also think some of the "disorders" were actually developed by schools so that they can then diagnose problematic kids, and (a) remove them from the testing statistics, or (b) usher them into other programs. Obviously, the drug companies have been happy to develop "medicines" for all of this gobbledeygoop.

 

[cmanole]

I'm not a spanker. I've swatted my 3 year old a few times, but only when she did something that could have put her in danger.

I'm not sure if I will be when they get bigger, I don't think I will be but I'll never say never.

Yeah, I should have said swatted and not spanked. Typically little backhand pops on the tail. And as I was reminded last night I used to 'flick' them in the leg or arm with my middle finger so if they were acting up from across the room I could just make that posture with my hand and they got the message...

 

[vevois23]

Yeah, I should have said swatted and not spanked. Typically little backhand pops on the tail. And as I was reminded last night I used to 'flick' them in the leg or arm with my middle finger so if they were acting up from across the room I could just make that posture with my hand and they got the message...

Pretty much this. The swats seem more frequent in the past few weeks, but so has the backtalk. In part its b/c of the move to VPK from daycare and I think it was his way of dealing with change. Even after his 3rd day I have seen an improvement. Every punishment is followed by a reason. Never swatted just for doing something.

 

[Fijimn]

 

[HilltopperNole]

Spanking and paddling only works with certain types of children, and when they know why. Certain kids get paddled at school and don't flinch, doesn't both them and doesn't change behavior. Other kids almost start crying at the thought.

 

[Formerly Rockymtnole]

Swatting when young is appropriate in those situations you really want to emphasize a point at that very moment. But spanking...I realized early on that it really doesn't work. A 6 foot 200lb adult sending a message by inflicting pain on a child? There are better ways to handle the situation.

 

[goldmom]

Ha Ha that is great! Imagine all the millenials or younger seeing that tee shirt and saying "uh, I don't get it. what are they talking about?"

Mine would need to be a switch pulled off a bush in the backyard.

 

[Fijimn]

My mom was a single-mom (Dad lived overseas fulltime since I was about 5 or 6) a teacher and then a principal. She had no time for my shenanigans...and I suspect--although she would never admit it--that I got the brunt of her frustrations with her students and parents.

My little one is 2 1/2, so we are starting with timouts, facing the wall and taking toys away. Primarily in situations where she doesn't listen, etc. We are going to try very hard to avoid corporal punishment. Primarily because I think the alternatives will be more effective with this girl. Preemies just have a different way about them and I think that she would just laugh off a spanking, at least a spanking of the appropriate force for a tiny girl. I could go full Adrian Peterson, suspect that would generate the requisite amount of fear.

 

[MIKE_G]

Don't do spankings with my 5yo twin boys. Never done more than forcefully carry them to their room or bed. I was worse controlling my emotions when they were smaller, and I regret when I was rougher than I should have been. As they've gotten older, I feel like my patience has improved to the point I don't let my buttons get pushed so easily. Plus, they are old enough to understand the consequences of their actions. Now when they are stubborn, I ask them if they really want me to pick them up and carry them to their room, or would they prefer to do it on their own? They invariably choose the latter.