Affairs
- Thread starter DanC78
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These stories usually end with boiled rabbits.
But now you have the upper hand because you can tell him if he doesn't pay up you are going to tell (or bang, maybe both) his wife.
Just my observation. Everyone wants instant gratification for things these days. Marriage should be taken more seriously, and not "given up on" so easily.
My ex-wife, of 13 years, just kinda decided one day marriage wasn't for her and that was that. The disruption in life for everyone from our kids, to our extended families, should be taken more seriously before just " eh, I wanna be a single gal now, where do I sign?"
Much like another poster, in retrospect, I wasted too much time and energy with someone who wasn't all-in. Oh well, I can find new ways to be miserable.
Your friend has some serious issues. Keep us updated or maybe we'll all just hear about the inevitable murder on the news someday.
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If the Donald can do it....oh wait. I don't have billions or even hundreds of millions or even allegedly have that much money...
This happens a lot more than you would think. The ladies are vicious.
A woman once told me that being friends with women is like getting a pet tiger, fun at first but you know they will turn on you at some point. This can be applied to marriage.
It should be easy, but you should leave with no more than 25%
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Maybe he should just try to convince his wife to be swingers with this couple. Then it can all be on the up and up and just pawn this other dude into banging her.
Sounds like maybe she checked with some friends that perhaps knew you from college and didn't like what she heard or had another online date set up after you that she liked better. Lol!
A woman once told me that being friends with women is like getting a pet tiger, fun at first but you know they will turn on you at some point. This can be applied to marriage.
Geez, not sure where to start. Maybe some of you just have crappy taste in friends.
Geez, not sure where to start. Maybe some of you just have crappy taste in friends.
This option for the win, not to mention St John's County is loaded with swingers.
Trust ya boy.
I've heard people talk about all the swinger parties that go on in the area, particularly in St Johns Golf and CC
That is I think one of the most underestimated things, and one of the things I think people just don't think about. I think it's one of the reasons why living together just doesn't really help avoid divorce...so much of it is test driving things that just aren't going to be the same 10, 20, 30 years from now. And sex drive/preferences is especially one of them, for both parties.
Other things change for sure too. You've got to ask yourself what happens when it does.
There's no foolproof answer, because even the most fundamental personality traits can occasionally change, but I think the biggest focus when deciding whether to pull the trigger needs to be on very basic things, rather than specifics...how does this person communicate/argue, how does this person treat other people, how are they at fulfilling responsibilities, how selfiish are they. Specifics like how many times a week they like to have sex, whether you like the same TV shows, how clean they keep their part of the bathroom, and even how attractive they are...that stuff is just very likely to vary.
You have a very good chance if the basics are there...if someone is a very non-selfish person, chances are that even if/when their sex drive diminishes later on, they'll still give you a run every couple weeks even if they're not that into it, because it's part of the sacrifice of marriage.
To me, a better indicator of never being stuck in a marital sexual desert is not whether you have sex five times a week when you're 25. It's whether your partner occasionally agrees without a fight to go to that restaurant you love but they don't really like, or sucks it up spends the day with the in-laws when they really want to go golfing. I don't care how freaky your partner is now...if they won't do anything they don't really feel like doing without an argument...good luck when you've put on 25 pounds, or they're tired from being with the kids all day, etc.
Great insights, Lou. The person you married thirty or more years ago is not the same one you wake up with today. For that matter, neither spouse is. If we can recognize that about ourselves then we have to recognize it in the person we committed to and have built a life with.
Older long term marriages are one thing but there are lots of folks in their 30's who aren't in sync with that. My daughter is newly single after an 8 year marriage but tells me there are so many of her friends who are divorced twice already. Lots of extra marital stuff going on.
Do I know women in my age group with the same "body count"? Sure. But they're far more rare. At least outside of Hollywood they are.
Older long term marriages are one thing but there are lots of folks in their 30's who aren't in sync with that. My daughter is newly single after an 8 year marriage but tells me there are so many of her friends who are divorced twice already. Lots of extra marital stuff going on.
Do I know women in my age group with the same "body count"? Sure. But they're far more rare. At least outside of Hollywood they are.
Pics of daughter...kidding. I actually know her I think.
Hate to hear she is going through, or went through, a divorce. She always seemed like a keeper to me.
Lol. No. I don't think so. I only know maybe 3 or so people that post on these boards.
Ok, but you can’t really force someone to take it more seriously and if she wasn’t interested, you really want her to stick around? What’s the point?
First of all, Belem has shown himself to be quite the condescending individual. In this thread, and the one about Harvey.
Second, I’ve had some experience counseling a man that went through an affair. He walked away from it, never got caught, has never told his wife, and has moved on to have a solid marriage. I doubt he’ll ever tell his wife.
He and his mistress were both married, they both had children, they worked together (he was her bosses boss), and the affair became sexual, but they never had sex.
To hear him tell it, this thing escalated quickly and got out of control before he knew what had happened. It started in early August with friendly banter, some texting, some flirting at work, going out to lunch with other co workers, and within a few weeks it became daily time together in his office and then her sending him nudes.
Over the next few weeks, they kissed for the first time, and then started making out at work, in his office. By the end of October they were fooling around at work - meeting early, staging late nights at the office. By November she was giving him a BJ in the office. All this within 3 months of their affair starting.
I’ll never forget the way he described it - “I never thought I’d ever cheat on my wife, and here I was, within 3 months, I was ready to leave my wife and family for a BJ. It all happened too fast.”
I counseled another man that had an affair and I found a lot of similarities in their stories. The difference is the second man was caught.
I don’t know that any of us really know how we’d react in similar situations. But I believe that most men and women, don’t set out to have an affair. Eve crazier, it’s not something they brag about or would ever tell anyone. Your friend in this story is exhibiting some odd behavior - especially by sharing the details of the affair with you. Maybe it’s a cry for help. The two men I counseled went to great lengths to hide their affair. I feel like this is normal for most affairs.
Second, I’ve had some experience counseling a man that went through an affair. He walked away from it, never got caught, has never told his wife, and has moved on to have a solid marriage. I doubt he’ll ever tell his wife.
He and his mistress were both married, they both had children, they worked together (he was her bosses boss), and the affair became sexual, but they never had sex.
To hear him tell it, this thing escalated quickly and got out of control before he knew what had happened. It started in early August with friendly banter, some texting, some flirting at work, going out to lunch with other co workers, and within a few weeks it became daily time together in his office and then her sending him nudes.
Over the next few weeks, they kissed for the first time, and then started making out at work, in his office. By the end of October they were fooling around at work - meeting early, staging late nights at the office. By November she was giving him a BJ in the office. All this within 3 months of their affair starting.
I’ll never forget the way he described it - “I never thought I’d ever cheat on my wife, and here I was, within 3 months, I was ready to leave my wife and family for a BJ. It all happened too fast.”
I counseled another man that had an affair and I found a lot of similarities in their stories. The difference is the second man was caught.
I don’t know that any of us really know how we’d react in similar situations. But I believe that most men and women, don’t set out to have an affair. Eve crazier, it’s not something they brag about or would ever tell anyone. Your friend in this story is exhibiting some odd behavior - especially by sharing the details of the affair with you. Maybe it’s a cry for help. The two men I counseled went to great lengths to hide their affair. I feel like this is normal for most affairs.
I am sorry to hear about your daughter..
There comes a time in 90% plus of every marriage when the only thing that keeps you together is your commitment to the goal. I call it grit to grind it out. Feelings are variable and will change. They change from good to bad, but they can also change from bad back to good.
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Why would you want someone to have sex with you who doesn’t feel like it?
The point to sex in a marriage isn’t to get off, right?
I met Goldmon at a game once, met Tex in Jax, and I think I met daughter at one of those two encounters. Not 100% sure, but I feel like we have chatted at some point...but maybe not.
Yeah...I should be clear that I know that I’m not above it happening to me. My wife and I talk about it openly and both tell each other that we are not above it. We don’t have rules or boundaries set in place like our pastor would prefer us to, but we do know that affairs start with friendly banter, a flirt here, a flirt there, hanging out at company funtions, and so forth.
We get it, no one is above it.
I hope that haven’t come across as an holy than thou prude throughout this thread. I think half the reason I posted about it is because I never thought something like this would get under my skin like it did...it’s weird.
He called me tonight wanting to talk about...said he was hoping I could talk some sense in him.
And he paid me btw...Venmo
Always nice to have another fan?
Holy shite...this is insane...
Too many posts to read them all, but my wife knows me to be alot of things, and being a cheater is not one of them. Never once, in the 27 years that we were together, that I was even tempted to cheat, and I drank alot in some of those years.
When I went out to a bar with friends, when we were around 30 years old, I stopped wearing my wedding ring out to bars and didn't hide that fact from my wife and of course she became suspicious and pissy. I found out that women would hit on me more when I wore the ring (I sometimes took the ring off, because in the heat, my fingers would swell a little and it would hurt where I wore the ring and plenty of times I just plain forgot to put it back on when I went out).
So I asked some ladies at work if this observation was just a coincidence, and they told me, that in their experience, more times than not, a woman will hit on a married man because they are not looking for a commitment, they are looking for just a one night stand. I told my wife this, and she thought I was full of shit.
Over the next year or so, when a bunch of us would go out with our wives and girlfriends, she would quietly observe and then finally told me one night that she thought that I was right. She watched others in the groups, because when I was with her, women tended to stay away, knowing that we were together/married.
Now, people can believe me or not when I say that in 27 years, that I was never even remotely tempted. I watched a good friend almost commit suicide when he found that his wife was cheating on him. I think that cheating is the most demoralizing thing that someone can do to someone with whom they claim to love. If I ever found out that my wife cheated on me, I would have been crushed, devestated and I am sure that she would have felt the same way. For those who have been cheated on, I am willing to bet that they would say that it was brutal.
To each their own, and I'm no prude, but I've seen several of our good friends, both men and women, lose their marriages/relationships because they either cheated or their significant other did, and none of those situations ended nicely, especially with children involved. I never wanted my kids to think that their Dad was a cheating, self centered scumbag who mentally destroyed their mother.
When I went out to a bar with friends, when we were around 30 years old, I stopped wearing my wedding ring out to bars and didn't hide that fact from my wife and of course she became suspicious and pissy. I found out that women would hit on me more when I wore the ring (I sometimes took the ring off, because in the heat, my fingers would swell a little and it would hurt where I wore the ring and plenty of times I just plain forgot to put it back on when I went out).
So I asked some ladies at work if this observation was just a coincidence, and they told me, that in their experience, more times than not, a woman will hit on a married man because they are not looking for a commitment, they are looking for just a one night stand. I told my wife this, and she thought I was full of shit.
Over the next year or so, when a bunch of us would go out with our wives and girlfriends, she would quietly observe and then finally told me one night that she thought that I was right. She watched others in the groups, because when I was with her, women tended to stay away, knowing that we were together/married.
Now, people can believe me or not when I say that in 27 years, that I was never even remotely tempted. I watched a good friend almost commit suicide when he found that his wife was cheating on him. I think that cheating is the most demoralizing thing that someone can do to someone with whom they claim to love. If I ever found out that my wife cheated on me, I would have been crushed, devestated and I am sure that she would have felt the same way. For those who have been cheated on, I am willing to bet that they would say that it was brutal.
To each their own, and I'm no prude, but I've seen several of our good friends, both men and women, lose their marriages/relationships because they either cheated or their significant other did, and none of those situations ended nicely, especially with children involved. I never wanted my kids to think that their Dad was a cheating, self centered scumbag who mentally destroyed their mother.
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Curious about whether there is any correlation at all between affairs and maintaining separate finances. I remember when a firm I used to work with went to direct deposits for work reimbursements, instead of cutting checks. More than a few partners were not happy their slush funds were going away.
IMO, marriage is a journey full of ups and downs. Hopefully mostly ups. I've been married over 20 years and can't imagine starting over. How do you begin to recreate that shared history, warts and all?
IMO, marriage is a journey full of ups and downs. Hopefully mostly ups. I've been married over 20 years and can't imagine starting over. How do you begin to recreate that shared history, warts and all?
I’ll bet you spend a lot of time sitting around wondering why your wife left.
Nah, I’ve got no problem with you.
Interesting - when I do premarital counseling, I always recommend joint finances to the couple.
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Hey Dan, I didn’t mean to imply in my post anything about your position. My bad if it came across that way. I was just sharing a personal example from my experience. The young man I counseled was extremely close to me, so I became very aware of his situation and details. I thought they might be good for the thread.
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