Do you regret having your kids?

[funksouljon]

The other thread and article about regretting made me do a lot of reflection on that topic. I really feel bad for the people who feel that way, but I totally get it. Not in a "you are a bad person" but in the "I feel bad you feel like you wasted that time". Many others loved the military, I loved what it did for me, but hated it and wish I decided alternate path out of HS, gave up 5 years. Similar, but not exactly the same.

My kids are still very small so require a lot of attention. In the last couple of weeks I've tried to give them a longer leash and they have failed me each time. Which resulted in another 30 minutes of cleaning up completely unnecessary and planned messes. So I still have to keep them no more than arms length. Which means I can't do almost anything I like. I also spend a lot of time with them in general and definitely during the basketball season (guessing 85+% care giver).

When we agreed to have kids, we committed to not changing the stuff we do, instead just include them in our lives. We have somewhat succeeded, but have still had to give up some things, or modify. The list of things I have had to give up or not do is so freaking long. I definitely don't regret having kids, but I do wish I had them a bit younger. I also didn't fully appreciate just how much effort it is. Sort of like when you dream of the adult working world as a HS student and you don't realize how good you have it as a kid.

At least they finally fell asleep so I could watch the Wisconsin game. I don't know how single parents do it.

 

[TennNole17]

This won’t end well...

No. The answer is no.

 

[ericram]

I regret spending 2 minutes reading this thread.

 

[Formerly Rockymtnole]

No, never. There are times that I think about the stuff I used to do and don't anymore but wouldn't trade chidren for anything. I love seeing them grow up and am both excited and nervous to see how their lives develop.

 

[321Nole]

I've had a beautiful new surfboard collecting dust for 8 months but don't regret a thing. They're going to grow up fast, and the surfboard will still be there when they're too cool to hang out with me.

 

[funksouljon]

I've had a beautiful new surfboard collecting dust for 8 months but don't regret a thing. They're going to grow up fast, and the surfboard will still be there when they're too cool to hang out with me.

Thats how I feel about my bike. Needs a new head gasket, I even built a stand to work on it, but its sat for 2 years waiting for me to come back.

 

[BelemNole]

I regret some of the choices I've made in my life, but wouldn't change them because it means I wouldn't have my kids. So...no.

 

[gunnyhiway]

when I grew up I found out that life isn't always about me and what I want.

 

[mcgrawfsu]

Gave up golf. Used to play 2-3 times a week. Went to once a year on Father’s Day. Now playing with my son is the best thing I could ask for. Gave up playing on a competitive softball team. Now coaching my son and watching him play baseball is awesome. I could go on and on. Having kids forces you to change your life significantly. Those who fight the change sometimes avoid giving their kids the attention they need at early ages, or outsource it. In most cases this ends up in behavior problems requiring negative attention at older ages, resulting in resentment or regret.

 

[EconSean]

Yesterday I regretted signing Jake up for both wrestling and hockey, as we were out of the house from 7am to 7pm. Two pinfall wins and a tip-in goal made it all okay.


And the answer to your original question is no.

 

[NoleFan2U]

My daughter is 16 and she is quite awesome. There are many times I wanted to run away when she was younger but I never thought I would better without her. I regret the choice I made for her father, but if it wasn't him, she wouldn't be who she is today. I just hope she learns from my mistakes when she grows up.

 

[NDallasRuss]

No way. She's expensive, and takes up a lot of time, but there's no way I'd go back and do it differently. Yes, when she was younger we put off some things, but now that she's a little older, she gets to be included in some stuff, which has been a lot of fun.

Only thing I might reconsider, if I could go back in time, is letting her be an only child. By the time we saw there may be benefits to having a brother or sister to battle with, we were too far removed. Still not sure we'd want another kid, but would consider it more if we had the chance to do it over again.

 

[FSUSarah]

They only thing I regret is not being closer to family. It would have been nice to have more help. Being a stay at home mom can get a little lonely. But my kid is kind and smart and when it's all said and done, he'll be my greatest achievement. (Yes I'm fully aware how corny and cliche that sounds....)

 

[NoleLizards]

I only regret never having had a boy to train to be left-handed from the crib. Even pedestrian southpaw pitchers make the type of money in the bigs that would impress even the typical LRer!

 

[runkpanole]

My daughter is 16 and she is quite awesome. There are many times I wanted to run away when she was younger but I never thought I would better without her. I regret the choice I made for her father, but if it wasn't him, she wouldn't be who she is today. I just hope she learns from my mistakes when she grows up.

In 2 years, we will need evidence.

There are moments that having a child is trying, but I don’t regret it at all. My son is great.

 

[FSUSarah]

I only regret never having had a boy to train to be left-handed from the crib. Even pedestrian southpaw pitchers make the type of money in the bigs that would impress even the typical LRer!

Yes! I'm amending my response and adding this as well!

 

[NDallasRuss]

They only thing I regret is not being closer to family. It would have been nice to have more help. Being a stay at home mom can get a little lonely. But my kid is kind and smart and when it's all said and done, he'll be my greatest achievement. (Yes I'm fully aware how corny and cliche that sounds....)

I understand this and agree. We moved from TX to VA when the kid was about ten months old. Having family to help out would have been nice, and it would have been great if she'd been able to have stronger relationships with her cousins growing up.

 

[Manch.]

I regret not giving my last breath to my kids. I have one 15 year old daughter left, who thinks I hate her because she thinks I loved her deceased brother more.

It's been brutal, but no regrets.

 

[funksouljon]

They only thing I regret is not being closer to family. It would have been nice to have more help. Being a stay at home mom can get a little lonely. ........

Ha, sometimes I wish I was closer to the grandparents but distance is likely better overall. Some of the stresses might be lesser if we had the village to assist but that would offset with conflicting styles.

 

[billanole]

As others have said, life changed in the biggest possible way once that first little one showed up. Now he and sister are both out of the house. The biggest change was not spending almost every weekend with a great group of friends who were also beginning to raise their own broods. Slowly but surely we all drifted apart due to the needs and wants of the kids.
With that said, there is no way that I regret the time, effort, money, etc... it took to give them a chance at life. So many kids have no support system, no place to call home, no real family unit and it was our goal to provide all of that to the best of our abilities.
I guess the part that makes me the happiest is that at this point, they both still love and respect their parents. Hopefully I don’t find a way to change that.

 

[funksouljon]

This was the article Wendy79 posted if you didn't see it. Interesting read.


http://www.marieclaire.com/culture/a22189/i-regret-having-kids/

 

[62Nole]

I regret not giving my last breath to my kids. I have one 15 year old daughter left, who thinks I hate her because she thinks I loved her deceased brother more.

It's been brutal, but no regrets.

Just keep loving her Manch. She will come around. We lost our oldest son, 18 and our only daughter, almost 15 in 1986. A train hit the car they were in at a crossing with no lights or arms. You are right about it being brutal but it does get better in time. Your daughter is at a tough age for most girls.

 

[Formerly Rockymtnole]

Just keep loving her Manch. She will come around. We lost our oldest son, 18 and our only daughter, almost 15 in 1986. A train hit the car they were in at a crossing with no lights or arms. You are right about it being brutal but it does get better in time. Your daughter is at a tough age for most girls.

That's terrible. I'm very sorry.

 

[billanole]

That's terrible. I'm very sorry.

Agreed. Man, tough stuff.

 

[goldmom]

I don't regret it at all. They're grown now and I'm a grandma, and my only wish is that I'd had another one!

When they were teenagers my credo was "Someone in this house might die today and it will NOT be me."

They tease me about the rants I went on but I think they love me. Okay, there was that one time when my son snuck in the back gate DRUNK and passed out on a pool chaise. We couldn't find him, none of his friends knew where he was and (remember these) he didn't respond to my paging him.
I found him at 4 AM and rolled the chaise right into the pool. He woke up quick. The final insult was that I took his pager and made him watch while I crushed it with a hammer.

I've calmed down a lot since the late 90's. . But I love them with all my heart.

 

[NDallasRuss]

I don't regret it at all. They're grown now and I'm a grandma, and my only wish is that I'd had another one!

When they were teenagers my credo was "Someone in this house might die today and it will NOT be me."

They tease me about the rants I went on but I think they love me. Okay, there was that one time when my son snuck in the back gate DRUNK and passed out on a pool chaise. We couldn't find him, none of his friends knew where he was and (remember these) he didn't respond to my paging him.
I found him at 4 AM and rolled the chaise right into the pool. He woke up quick. The final insult was that I took his pager and made him watch while I crushed it with a hammer.

I've calmed down a lot since the late 90's. . But I love them with all my heart.

I missed curfew (by a lot) one night. I was in the front yard at a party and I saw my mom drive by real slowly, but not stop. I took off and actually beat her back to the house. She walked in and I was sitting on the couch like nothing happened. She wasn't having it though.

Sometimes I wasn't real easy on my parents, and I'm hoping karma doesn't get me back with my daughter!

 

[Manch.]

Back in the day when there was no caller ID or call back features, my mother would be in bed by 10, cause she had to work the next day. Her bedroom was upstairs and mine was downstairs in the basement. One night, at around 10:45 (my curphew was at 11), I had this girl who was standing next to me, call my house and ask for me and my mother answered, when my mother said that she didn't know if I was up, that she was in bed, I took the phone from the girl and said "mom, I have the phone, it's Christie, sorry for waking you so late, and said goodnight". My mother actually thought that I was on the other line in my room talking to this girl, when in fact, that I was at a party somewhere else. I was so stunned that I pulled that trick off, that I retired it. Of course, others started to try it and got caught.

 

[DDennis73]

No regrets here. When someone I know is about to have their first child the only advice I give them is that no matter how much you think you know what having a kid is like ....you have no idea.

They change your lives completely and I dont see how people can not change your lives. I have heard of people saying that they wont change, just that the children will be a part of their lives but I dont see how that is possible.

Toughest job in the world being a parent but greatest feeling and most rewarding.

 

[LesClaypool]

Toughest job in the world being a parent but greatest feeling and most rewarding.

Nope.

This (I imagine) is the greatest feeling and most rewarding. Parenting can't touch Leo on a yacht full of models...and if you say it can or does, you're lying...and you're wrong.

 

[TexSkills]

Hell no I don't regret it. I love my kids to death.

 

[62Nole]

Back in the day when there was no caller ID or call back features, my mother would be in bed by 10, cause she had to work the next day. Her bedroom was upstairs and mine was downstairs in the basement. One night, at around 10:45 (my curphew was at 11), I had this girl who was standing next to me, call my house and ask for me and my mother answered, when my mother said that she didn't know if I was up, that she was in bed, I took the phone from the girl and said "mom, I have the phone, it's Christie, sorry for waking you so late, and said goodnight". My mother actually thought that I was on the other line in my room talking to this girl, when in fact, that I was at a party somewhere else. I was so stunned that I pulled that trick off, that I retired it. Of course, others started to try it and got caught.

You just gave "ammo" to a new generation. Tee Hee. Aren't you ashamed?

 

[DFSNOLE]

Not at all. Both of mine are grown, out of the house and beginning successful careers. Very proud of them both. I hope my daughter soon starts to make enough to hire someone to do all the jobs around her house. She has taken full advantage of having a general contractor father.

 

[DanC78]

No...not at all.

 

[billanole]

Not at all. Both of mine are grown, out of the house and beginning successful careers. Very proud of them both. I hope my daughter soon starts to make enough to hire someone to do all the jobs around her house. She has taken full advantage of having a general contractor father.

You got plans this weekend? Wifey has a little list...

 

[surfnole]

No. Not now. However the feeling that the original poster has is normal. I've felt that way so many times when my kids were small. When they leave you with an empty nest, you will feel quite the opposite. When my first was born, I shared with a friend my frustration he told me "Don't worry, you will soon have your best buddy". And he was right.

This of course assumes you have a child that does not become a major drug addict, or abandons you or does some other crazy stuff. But I am wondering if even then you won't regret it.

My sister had four boys, and we were at a family resort several years ago, and I started reminiscing about the "old days" when I saw a family with young children, and she said "Surfnole, you hated those days". Later she told me about a mom carting her kids down to the beach with chairs and toys, only to return 30 minutes later, likely because the kids started complaining. We laughed about the "balls and chains" we had.

In my opinion, it's a major (not only) purpose of life.

You won't remember the headaches. You will remember the good times.

I remember one time watching my young son and daughter with their buckets and shovels on the beach near St. Augustine and Jimmy's lyrics came to mind.

"Down around Biloxi
Pretty girls are dancin' in the sea
They all look like sisters in the ocean
The boy will fill his pail with salty water
And the storms will blow from off towards New Orleans

Sun shines on Biloxi
Air is filled with vapors from the sea
Boy will dig a pool beside the ocean
He sees creatures from his dream underwater
And the sun will set from off towards New Orleans"

 

[surfnole]

I might add, maybe because I am old school, that you don't need to be at every practice, every event and every recital for your kids. Parents today take this stuff overboard. There's nothing wrong with carpooling with friends to take kids to these places. If you enjoy that, great. If not, don't sweat it. By all means go to the big events or games.

On the other hand, you are not a bad parent if you don't want to get into team travel sports where every weekend, and hundreds of dollars, is spent out of town at some tournament in the hopes of getting your child a partial scholarship at a division 15 school in pickelball.

 

[surfnole]

I think this was the original article http://www.marieclaire.com/culture/a22189/i-regret-having-kids/

"
As more time passed, Laura felt convinced that she had made a life-altering mistake. "I hated, hated, hated the situation I found myself in," she says. "I think the word for what I felt is 'trapped.' After I had a kid, I realized I hated being the mother to an infant, but by then it was too late. I couldn't walk away and still live with myself, but I also couldn't stand it. I felt like my life was basically a middle-class prison."

Well....welcome to the real world. LOL. I think all of my married male friends, even without kids, have felt like this at one time or another. We escape via internet message boards from our alma mater. The sacrifice we pay for the biological imperative. On the other hand, not everybody needs to keep up with the Jones'es when they have kids.

"In Germany, novelist Sarah Fischer's recent book The Mother Bliss Lie: Regretting Motherhood tackles the idea that motherhood is a pretty miserable existence when compared to the detached experience of many fathers."

That's simply thinking the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. No way I would have been a cube jockey for 30 years without a wife and kids to support.. And why would any father want a "detached experience"?

"And Donath is right: For many countries, raising a family still constitutes a vast landscape of unpaid work that falls almost wholly on women's shoulders. "

Another grass is greener on the other side argument. I would elaborate, but want to keep the thread going and not get locked.

 

[billanole]

Not to say I am jealous, but there is certainly a freedom associated with being childless. For many, understandably, it is the best choice. I know my life was much more carefree prior to being a poppa. I would hope that those who do not have kids would engage and help others in guiding the next generation.
We all know that some folks, for whatever reason are not well suited to be parents. This is how it always has been and always will be... Therefore, the onus is on those who can and will raise the next generation. Kudos to those willing and able.
Likely there have been times of more need, but not in my lifetime, for extended families, foster parents, churches, and the state run facilities to step in when biological parents cannot handle their duties.

 

[surfnole]

I regret not giving my last breath to my kids. I have one 15 year old daughter left, who thinks I hate her because she thinks I loved her deceased brother more.

It's been brutal, but no regrets.

Manch. Sorry to hear about your loss. Brutally painful I imagine.

 

[surfnole]

Just keep loving her Manch. She will come around. We lost our oldest son, 18 and our only daughter, almost 15 in 1986. A train hit the car they were in at a crossing with no lights or arms. You are right about it being brutal but it does get better in time. Your daughter is at a tough age for most girls.

Wow....just rereading the thread. So sorry.