Don't ever have kids.
- Thread starter NDallasRuss
- Start date
I assume it's also an investment against lost earnings if they're out of the workforce for years? And if you have 2-3 kids it can be more like 10 years. My wife is back to work full time these last few years, but there's no doubt that her being out of full time work (she always worked part time) for 10+ years costs us $20-30k every year for probably perpetuity.
But for us, when she got pregnant, she wasn't (neither of us were) making the kind of money where finances really affected a decision to stay home, which was never in question anyway. We were poor, but not that much poorer than we'd have been if she'd worked full time and we'd pay for daycare.
Of course, it could just be they'd rather work than be home with the kids. I get the raw sticker shock, but I always kind of wonder at the questioning of how much you pay for someone to take care of your kids for 40-50 hours a week. It's hard for me to imagine what could possibly be too high a price for that responsibility. I do get it from single parents and others in a situation where the parent HAS to work to make ends meet I guess, but I probably just don't have the right point of view.
This also shouldn't just be about wives...just as legit for husband to stay home. Our relative incomes never made it an option for us, but I could have/would have. I'm not about trashing someone's decision with what to do with their kids, but it shouldn't be only on the mom to face that decision.
Your ancestors would take a peek at what you have available to you, and how few people you know that died of cholera, and then whip your whiny butt...
This is the best time ever to be alive.
That's why I'm trying to enjoy it and not waste my time driving some sniffling 8 year old to and from soccer practice.
Though I suppose self-driving cars could handle that for me.
My daughter is in her second go-around in braces, but this time is much shorter than it would have been and not nearly as expensive. Basically, the adjustments the first time around meant that the rest of the teeth had the proper room and are not as screwed up so not as much needs to be done. I think it balanced out.
By the way, if you think kids are expensive, you should try a 13-year old, 8 pound dog.
I've got a 16 year old, 13 pound cat. Had to take him to the vet a couple of weeks ago because he threw his hip out. Doc showed me an xray of his spine - towards the front the vertebrates are spaced out like they're supposed to be, towards the back they're all kind of fused together. He slipped jumping into the tub (to drink the water around the drain) and was looking pretty immobile. They fixed him up with some pretty good painkillers though, and he was back to normal a few days and $400 later.
Eh, it happens. My parents were always cool about that kind of stuff, even though I know now it was more a financial hit for them then than it is for me now.
Would...
Kids are expensive though. Daycare, braces, retainers, make-up, CLOTHING, food, cars, gas, insurance, college (no loans), etc, etc, etc. The weddings will send me over the edge. Will try to bribe them both into eloping and pay them a lump sum...
People will rarely admit in public they regret having kids. There are a ton of online discussions about this, though.
http://www.marieclaire.com/culture/a22189/i-regret-having-kids/
I could easily rationalize not having kids before having kids. At this point in my life, and hope it never changes, I would not be able to do so.
Maybe we should look in the mirror and ask did our parents ever considered how life would be better without us.
Maybe we should look in the mirror and ask did our parents ever considered how life would be better without us.
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Funny, related story...
When I was around 12 yrs old, had a friend who's dad was an orthopedic surgeon, this guy is now regarded as one of the best in thre world and was featured on a ripley's believe it or not episode about his work restoring a girls legs by amputating them, then reattaching them or something.
Anyway, my friend threw away his retainer in a napkin into a trash can at burger king. We turned around and the dad forced him to dive into the trash can to recover it (with the dad and the rest of us laughing and berating him the whole time). The guy was loaded and could afford a new one easily, but it was the principal that he was trying to instill. Didn't realize the impression that it made upon me until your post. That story has always stuck with me.
I thought about it, and brought it up to the kid, but since it was the school cafeteria, there's no way to identify the bag it would have ended up in.
It's great that he made his kid look for it though!
Don't ever have kids doesn't get you out of paying for them. My property taxes went up $1500 bucks this year. They were nice enough to itemize everything for me. Almost half of the property taxes goes to schools and kids. I might have to pay for the school, lunchroom and teachers, but at least I don't have to pay for lost retainers. 
Don't ever have kids doesn't get you out of paying for them. My property taxes went up $1500 bucks this year. They were nice enough to itemize everything for me. Almost half of the property taxes goes to schools and kids. I might have to pay for the school, lunchroom and teachers, but at least I don't have to pay for lost retainers.
Jesus dude. We get it. You bought a house.
I prolly paid about 15k for 2 daughters braces. Both stopped wearing their retainers and now have crooked lower teeth.
Thanks girls. I enjoy going to work every day so you can afford to have crooked teeth.
I get all that and understand it. We were in the same boat, plus we decided early on that my wife would stay home; which she wanted to do anyways. It was interesting for a small portion of our married life my wife made more money than I did. I guess it helps too that my wife has a degree in elementary education so there was never going to be some corporate ladder etc. for her.
Interesting article. Parenthood does turn your life upside down. And it's hard work.....really hard. I think some of those women would have benefited from having their kids in daycare at an earlier age. Or some (a lot ) more help from their spouse.
I think some of those women had dreams crushed a little earlier than they would have without kids. Kids can definitely crush some dreams.
Our 15 year old left it out and it got chewed up by our puppy. Then did it again 8 months later.
Oh man. That second time had to be especially frustrating!
I'm hoping that the additional housework (combined with having to hear about it over and over again) will be enough to prevent it from happening again.
Yeah. There are some people who are just not cut out for it AND don't want to do it. I don't think my wife was a "natural" at motherhood, but she was great at it just like anyone who succeeds at a challenging job through effort and commitment.
But I agree there are a lot of people who just look at the path less taken and assume they would have achieved their dreams, especially in creative fields and media. The truth is, a lot of people don't achieve their dreams, kids or no kids. My wife was a film student (at a good film school with a lot of success stories)...it wasn't a huge bother to her, but she definitely took notice as her friends started their "exciting" careers in low level positions and internships with big name companies and organizations and she was out of the game at 24. Ten years later, virtually all of them were either on to other fields completely, or plugging along editing ads for bridal magazines, or writing blurbs for blogs. At college graduation, all these kids were going to be documentary filmmakers, television producers, brilliant directors, etc. Most of them ended up having kids in their 30s anyway. Now that my wife is back in the work force, I don't know that any of them have careers that she's particularly envious of. Maybe that would be totally different if 3-4 of her friends had hit the big time.
That said...too much pressure does fall on women to be a certain way about motherhood. For one thing, I totally agree that too much falls on the mother too often. Both in labor, and in responsibility.
There's also too much pressure on women to "love" being a mother. It should be ok to say some things about it suck. It should be ok to say or understand that kids can be dumb, boring, and assholes. It should be revered for how much it can suck and how hard it can be, as much if not more so than for how "wonderful" it is.
I think it's not that much different from the mantra now that you should love your job. It's great if you do, you're very lucky, but most people throughout history and today don't LOVE their job. That's why it's a job. That's why people have to pay you to do them. For most people, a job is a job - you try your best, you try to maximize those personal satisfactions that you can, and you try to get the most return you can relative your piece of mind. I think this concept that you're supposed to LOVE your job does a huge disservice to young people, both in guiding them towards dumb pursuits, and leading to massive dissatisfaction when its...a job.
Motherhood is like that, but on steroids, because there's so much additional baggage put on women about it. It's not enough to just raise healthy, responsible, well-behaved kids...you've got to scrapbook their first poop, you have to indulge every stupid pursuit, you have advertise your parenting by facebooking each meaningless award your child gets in second grade.
That's crap. I regret having a job. I like to think of the things I could have done in my life if I hadn't gotten the chance to work. But I'm also not expected to go on facebook and post a spreadsheet formula I got to add up correctly, or gush about my office chair constantly, and I don't have to act happy about working when I'm not working. The idea that the rewards of my job outweigh things I really don't like about it is not some heresy.
No doubt, there is a percentage of people who legit aren't cut out for parenting and hate it. But a large percentage of women who feel regret are being falsely made to feel that way in my opinion. Either by being forced to shoulder too much of it, or by expectations that are fictional and unfair. There could definitely be some cultural change around it.
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