Why do women ask you to do things they can't do, then...
- Thread starter cmanole
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Because your wife doesn't trust your abilities and is actively looking to replace you with an alpha male?
Women are always looking to upgrade....You're naive if you don't realize that.
As long as she thinks YOU'RE not out upgrading there's truth to this.
The book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus is considered terribly outdated. Much of the ideals discussed are not because women are naturally different in those areas but the result of a patriarchal controlled society indicating that they have to be that way. It's these ideas that women are chafing at now, are tired of fighting, and ready to move past. Men are more than sex and food, women are not always complex.
I've read some great discussions and research lately on why women seem so complex to men, and it's not just because they're naturally that way and all together because of the way we men treat women when they offer more poignant opinions. It's the result of defense mechanisms.
But I'll not kill your vibe with any more science.
I've read some great discussions and research lately on why women seem so complex to men, and it's not just because they're naturally that way and all together because of the way we men treat women when they offer more poignant opinions. It's the result of defense mechanisms.
But I'll not kill your vibe with any more science.
It makes sense as it is. Probably put a comma after "upgrading."
So a woman shouldn't feel like she needs to turn down a guy just cause he's married, then? Is that outdated? I mean if it's just for sex, right?
Hmmm....is that how some guys might see it, am I right?
Hmmm....is that how some guys might see it, am I right?
YMMV, but that single insight into how/why men and women express problems is the #1 source of conflict I witness between men and women. It’s certainly proven true in my own life.
Even being entirely cognizant of it doesn’t suppress the reflex to offer tangible help instead emotional support. It’s surely an additional ‘burden’ in that I’m an INTJ personality type, and so always thinking about how things do or don’t work, not about how things ‘feel’.
Hell, I’ve been commended for doing the (essentially meaningless to me) simple act of saying, ‘gee, that’s really terrible’ instead of offering a solution to not have to deal with the ‘terrible’ thing (what I would actually be interested in the same situation).
Men and women do have differences in their brains that are not a consequence of the patriarchy. And they’re sure as hell running on different chemicals than men are.
I haven’t seen any evidence to support the idea that despite these differences men and women experience and relate things the same way.
That's also not a man thing. I'm an INTJ, so I tend to think solution first and sympathy second. "Oh, you have a cold, don't take cold medicine because that makes symptoms last longer, drink plenty of fluids and get rest, try a vaporizer, Sudafed...and I hope you feel better!"
Her: My car won't start
Me: I'll come home early and jump it then run it to the shop
Her: Ok
Me: (Home an hour later to jump start car) Calls her cell phone: Where are you?
Her: Ran to town with daugher (in another car)
Me: Where are your keys?
Her: In my purse
Me: How am I supposed to start your car?
Her: I'll be home in an hour
Me: Shakes head
Me: I'll come home early and jump it then run it to the shop
Her: Ok
Me: (Home an hour later to jump start car) Calls her cell phone: Where are you?
Her: Ran to town with daugher (in another car)
Me: Where are your keys?
Her: In my purse
Me: How am I supposed to start your car?
Her: I'll be home in an hour
Me: Shakes head
Kitchen renovation is underway. Expected counter to be installed on Tuesday. GC grouted tile and installed island on Monday. Wife comes home Monday night and doesn’t understand why we don’t have a sink in the island yet. The thought of where they would install the sink without a counter simply had not occurred.
I don’t respond verbally to these types of things much anymore. But it’s real hard to control body language incredulity.
I’m working on it.
Making you the exception to the rule, and, by definition, rare, wifable and worth your weight in platinum. This is the point of the thread.....bet you get along with men better than women too.
It’s lonely at the top, and being one of the rarest and most strategically capable personality types, INTJs know this all too well. INTJs form just two percent of the population, and women of this personality type are especially rare, forming just 0.8% of the population – it is often a challenge for them to find like-minded individuals who are able to keep up with their relentless intellectualism and chess-like maneuvering.
Myers-Briggs. Nonsense...
https://thoughtcatalog.com/lorenzo-...y-the-myers-briggs-test-is-absolute-nonsense/
You might as well be trusting your horoscope for your personality. I only point this out because the theme of the thread is how women are wrong. Isn't that what OP was going for?
Do you parse out and respond to the individual sentence/concept that your wife speaks rather than the context in whole like you do on this board. Because if you do, I'm shocked she has not stabbed you in your cubicle/work space 6 days after getting married.
In reality, I do too. My profession was one in which I dealt far more often with men - and most were "Chiefs" rather than "Indians".
I find men to be more interesting and who generally want to cut to the chase because, well, they're busy.
There are so many nuances in how a couple communicates that it would take hours to delve into, and while each couple is somewhat unique, there are typical and shared characteristics all couples have in common.
Would it preferable to just say, ‘but that’s not how this works, that’s not how any of this works!’
If someone took the time to list 6 reasons they thought X, why is it viewed negatively when someone addresses their reasons?
I just always looked at it as part of online conversation, but I notice it grates on some people the way ‘amen’ posts always grated on me.
Being able to granularly define and detail logic errors is a large part of my job.
Her job is to help people deal with their feelings.
I make her laugh a lot more than I make her mad. Not sure if that’s the best plan to keep her from killing me but it’s the one I’m sticking with.
I have some successful (male) business partners who found themselves divorced or widowed at different times between ages 40 and 55. Within days of them becoming “eligible,” tons of smoking hot women were shamefully and transparently all over them. Chicks love money and the comforts it provides. And they will aggressively chase it.
Not criticizing this, per se, but if you don’t think this is real you are fairly naive.
Don't you love it when someone starts an argument, then when you provide a rational argument that naturally leads to the conclusion that they were wrong, they suddenly "don't want to talk about it"?
I agree that there's more to marriage than just food and sex but sex is a primary component. otherwise you're no different than any of her girlfriends or any different from any female friend that I have or for that matter any male friend. do you really want to be your wife's male girlfriend?
That's brilliant. And it's nice to hear a woman say that you must come from a different generation :^)
KC The nature of men and women has not changed in thousands of years and it never will. For that matter neither will human nature. If we lost the power grid in US for three months we would be back to tribal warlords And a power structure similar to anything seen Prior to the last 80 or so years
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Men would do well to stop thinking of women as a homogeneous group of people who are fundamentally different from men. They would also serve themselves extraordinarily well to let go of all the BS nonsense about alphas, betas, status, competition, etc. We have frontal lobes for a reason.
Here's a trick I learned recently...
Her, "what do you want to eat?"
Him, "I picked a place"
Her, "where?"
Him, "guess"
Her, "Hmmmm...is it X?"
Him, "You guessed it!"
Doesn't happen often with the wife and me; but when it does it is very frustrating. A few years ago our Suburban with about 160k miles transmission went out.
Wife - What do you think we should do?
Me - Buy a new car
Wife - Well my dad says we can have the transmission rebuilt.
Me - Yes but on a vehicle with 160k miles it is just not worth it. Oh and honey there is a reason every car your dad has owned needed a rebuilt transmission. He never stops fully and just slams the vehicle into gear. (Note her dad was driving the vehicle when it happened)
Wife - Ok lets talk to our mechanic.
Mechanic - Yea you can rebuild the transmission, but it has 160k miles on the vehicle.
Wife - Well lets talk to our friend who owns a couple of car dealerships.
Car Dealer Friend - You know you can rebuild the transmission; but the car has 160k miles.
Wife - Ok I guess we should buy a new car, I just don't want a car payment.
Me - I get it honey I don't want a car payment either; but car dealer friend has several low mileage Suburbans all below 35k.
Wife - Ok I will look. Surprise she wants the 1 Suburban that is fully loaded and cost 45k.
The logic killed me. You don't want a car payment; we go back and forth and talk to multiple people, then finally agree with me. Except now you want the most expensive car he has.
Wife - What do you think we should do?
Me - Buy a new car
Wife - Well my dad says we can have the transmission rebuilt.
Me - Yes but on a vehicle with 160k miles it is just not worth it. Oh and honey there is a reason every car your dad has owned needed a rebuilt transmission. He never stops fully and just slams the vehicle into gear. (Note her dad was driving the vehicle when it happened)
Wife - Ok lets talk to our mechanic.
Mechanic - Yea you can rebuild the transmission, but it has 160k miles on the vehicle.
Wife - Well lets talk to our friend who owns a couple of car dealerships.
Car Dealer Friend - You know you can rebuild the transmission; but the car has 160k miles.
Wife - Ok I guess we should buy a new car, I just don't want a car payment.
Me - I get it honey I don't want a car payment either; but car dealer friend has several low mileage Suburbans all below 35k.
Wife - Ok I will look. Surprise she wants the 1 Suburban that is fully loaded and cost 45k.
The logic killed me. You don't want a car payment; we go back and forth and talk to multiple people, then finally agree with me. Except now you want the most expensive car he has.
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