Why would you let your FIL drive the car if he abuses them? I personally don't have any issues with my FIL, but if he did this to my truck I would damn sure raise hell about it...
Why do women ask you to do things they can't do, then...
- Thread starter cmanole
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Why would you let your FIL drive the car if he abuses them? I personally don't have any issues with my FIL, but if he did this to my truck I would damn sure raise hell about it...
Settle down Scooter. I really think most of what has been said is in jest.
Says the guy with 98 likes on 37,023 posts. We get it, you have opinions you need to share in the wee hours. Thanks!
This is one of my favorite posts on the LR - ever.
No, I think men really believe all this garbage. I did for a long, long time. Once I realized how wrong it was and started looking at my wife and our marriage in a different light, suddenly things got much better as did my relationship with female coworkers, with female friends, etc....
Women are people, with brains, and thoughts, and value just like other men and are not here simply to be sexual conquests and to provide for our needs (which is what this BS about men just needing sex and food comes from). If it's just about sex and food I can find any woman to meet those needs. Sure, sex is something that we share that she doesn't with anyone else, but it's not the primary controlling concept of our relationship, at least not any more and that's a good thing.
Yes, there are some protections that she looks for out of me as a man to provide (primarily due to my larger size and strength) but when it comes to leaning on each other for support, I need her just as much as she needs me and that doesn't make me less manly or broken.
There's this toxic idea of proper masculinity in America that leads to a great number of our problems, that men have to be strong, and powerful, devoid of emotion, and out to conquer everything including our women.
There's also this broken idea that we have sexual urges that we simply can't control and that women don't have them. That's a lie that we need to change. It would help to lessen much of the rape culture so many women have to live within. You don't have to look very far back into history to find things completely different. In the middle ages it was the women who were considered the sexually uncontrollable beings and men were the ones who felt that sex existed primarily for procreation and not pleasure. Men could go ages without it and women just seemed to never get enough, so much so that they placed chastity belts around their women because they thought they just couldn't help themselves. And when we've studied sexual responses scientifically we've found that women have physical arousal on exactly the same levels as men, but they've been conditioned to deny them. The electronics show that their body is in arousal yet they'll deny it far more often than they'll admit it.
I look forward to an America where we value women in all of our relationships, including marriage for far more than their physical and sexual attributes and also grant them the freedom to be who they are, to enjoy sex just like men, to not be shamed into thinking that being sexual is something to be denied; and for a future where men realize that we can control our sexual urges exactly the same as women. That just because we notice that a woman is beautiful, that it doesn't have to overcome all of our other rational thought. We can note it and then put it aside and listen to her thoughts, her ideas, allow her equal access to all levels of the workplace not only in actual jobs, but levels of respect as well.
An America where men don't feel they have to match up to some ridiculous cave man version of themselves and women don't feel like they have to be the dainty, quiet housewife would be a much better America for all of us.
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We were watching Amazing Race last season and one of the guys announces "Well, Im just an alpha male!" My wife says "Thats just idiot code for Im an a$$hole". And so far, anyone who declares they are an alpha has more accurately been described as an a$$hole.
The vast majority of his post came before the format change when "likes" were added. He also lives in Los Angeles so his post was made at 10:02 local time.
Just wanted to say "present" and ibtl.
[sarcasm font] I'm sure I didn't know that.[/sarcasm font]
He has his defenders for sure....
Yes, that's the exact reaction most women have to the "alpha-male".
Another "science" response?
tl:dr, but based on your posts I get the sense you have real remorse about the way you treated women in the past and held some puritanical ideas about women and marriage and are now going way, way overboard trying to make up for it.
No, not really. There is some to be certain, but I simply started listening to women and people of color and the LGBTQ community and realizing that they live in a world completely unlike that of my own. I firmly believe in working to bring others up to the same levels of access, power, and safety that I live within. Once I realized what the world was like to people other than white guys, I changed my views.
I'm still learning how best to work to enact that change, and so my methods may leave a lot to be desired. But it's not simply guilt response.
On Disqus, using "/s" at the end of a post denotes sarcastic intent for dense people.
That can be construed as harassment by some.Doesn't this
I thought all font here was sarcasm as default.
You should have gone into the military. Even though I went to a middle school in French Town and a mixed H.S. in Tally, boot camp was an eye opener. Hell, even an eye opener about other white people.
This was before don't ask don't tell so not a ton of people out back then.
I uttered Dear Lord where am I many times.
That’s a lot to read man. As a minority in America, who grew up poor, with illegal immigrant parents - I find your privilege to be the reason you don’t properly understand masculinity.
easy, getting woke takes time.
He probably thinks I’m just joking and making light of the situation.
But it’s the truth.
I’m a Mexican, and my parents were from Mexico. They came here illegally. My mom is now a US Citizen. But, we certainly grew up poor.
Possibly, but viewing the world in a men v women lens and completely being oblivious of the impact of culture, at the same time declaring awareness of "people of color" shows a lack of understanding as you indicate. I am just here for the occasional snide comment and to watch.
If that isn't sarcasm, which I can't tell from reading. I'm open to listening to your point.
I fully recognize my privilege, but not certain how that makes me unable to understand masculinity. Can you explain what you mean?
I assure you, it is not sarcasm.
Your only experience in this world has been as a white man. I'm a Mexican man.
So your statement categorizing men in certain ways, is limited to your understanding of masculinity from the context of being a white man. Masculinity is different across cultures. Additionally, you speak of your epiphany in how you thought of and treated women - again, from your privileged white man perspective. I cannot relate to this epiphany for multiple reasons - one, i'm not a white man, two, I was poor for most of my life, and three, I didn't have those same thoughts towards women.
Women are equally as guilty (maybe even moreso) of perpetuating this as men. Part of the reason men don't express their emotions and vulnerability is because of the negative responses it elicits from women. Shaming is a very powerful tactic that a lot of women use.
Sure, there's been a lot of conditioning of women and it's not new as to how women should properly behave and they often work very hard to make certain other women fall into that category just as men do to other men; and vice versa.
Tend to agree with this.
However, certain groups display certain tendencies. Doesn’t mean we should approach people/groups with that way of thinking, but people will be people
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