Certainly. My comments are primarily focused on American culture (Which is primarily white, Christian's, culture) view of men and women. How does your view differ. What can I learn?
Why do women ask you to do things they can't do, then...
- Thread starter cmanole
- Start date
- Status
Certainly. My comments are primarily focused on American culture (Which is primarily white, Christian's, culture) view of men and women. How does your view differ. What can I learn?
Believe me it was a bone of contention and I finally told my wife he doesn't drive our cars anymore PERIOD. In fairness to him though that one incident wasn't the reason the transmission failed; but it didn't help. I cant understand how a very educated man doesn't understand you don't throw your vehicle into drive when going 5 mph in reverse or wonder why all your last 3 cars (all upper end) needed a transmission rebuilt with under 100k miles
Growing up, my mother was really bad about this. When my Dad and I would finally pick a place (and of course she didn't like it), she would throw a huge tantrum that would last a couple of days. As you can imagine, my childhood memories weren't the best. Fortunately, my wife is not too bad about this.
Not only do we have the restaurant debate but the teenage daughter loves to include her disdain for what ever choice is being floated around. This quickly creates a locking of horns between the wife and daughter and I just sit back and laugh, to myself quietly and out of harms way of course.
Wow man. I'm not sure how to take that. Are you saying that because I'm Mexican, that I don't understand American culture, even though I've lived here my entire life?
I'm not sure that you really want to learn. I could be wrong, but it seems that you're more interested in putting others down for disagreeing with your view.
I didn't say that at all. You said I only view masculinity through the lens of a white man and that I can't understand how it's seen through the lens of other cultures and as a result I don't truly understand masculinity. I don't disagree with you on much of that statement. I'm asking for you to explain how you see masculinity as a Mexican American that differs from the way I may see it so that I can have a better, more diverse viewpoint.
You're right, I did say white man - but I never said nor implied an American man. I may be Mexican, but I think of myself as American. America is not exclusively white. So if you're apologizing for that error, then I accept your apology.
Growing up in a Mexican household, one thing was clear - men are supposed to be macho. Bottom line - there is no room for buying a wuss. Based on what I've read from you so far in this thread, I don't think you'd cut it as a Mexican man. As a little boy, I was exposed to constant verbal abuse, derogatory comments, and sometimes physical abuse towards women. It was bad - real bad.
One thing was clear though, the woman in a Mexican home was the queen and she was treated like royalty. But this had to be earned and wasn't just given out. While the masculine culture was very macho, the family was very matriarchal. I've seen grown men cry in fear because of what their mother/grandmother might say or do to them. But this respect only applied to the married women.
Having said that, I don't think Latinos in general as are wimpy or sensitive as our white neighbors. The issues that are issues in America don't seem to be issues in Latin American countries. Now you may not like it or agree with it, but that's just the way it is.
I now live in a cross-cultural home. My wife is white, was born and raised in rural Eastern North Carolina. Her father belongs to the Sons of the Confederacy. He owns guns, worships in a Southern Baptist Church - he is the stereotypical Southern white man. So we're very different from each other. This has allowed me to understand both cultural's better.
My favorite leprechaun, but I don't think the new kid on the block was asking that. He was thinking he had some insight, but, alas, he did not.Yawn.....
Last edited:
As a Mexican dude to a self admitted white dude, can you explain this to me?
Oh man - I have no idea. That is just odd.
What I was trying to say by my white, male, American remark was that I hear many people (When referring to people from other cultures) that they just need to act right. That they need to dress properly, talk properly, treat people the way Americans should and what they're actually saying is that they need to treat people the way European Whiteness says they should. We simply assume that the white way is the normative behavior and don't realize that it's simply white culture and it's not any more right or wrong than those other cultures we defame. As a result, white people, including myself, often have very little understanding of how other cultures actually live. That isn't true of other cultures, they have to understand the primary white culture very well because you're required to live within in it and assimilate to be accepted within the business world, educational world, or government world. That is something I'll never have to live through and so I admit, I don't understand other cultures well. I'm trying to learn more and am intentionally building a lot of friendships with people who are different than me and it's been for my better in every single situation.
As for your commentary on Mexican masculinity, I think the respect for Mom in the home is extremely different from White Southern culture which I grew up in where Dad is in control at all times and I find that extremely interesting. It does seem from your description that there does however exist just as much problematic behavior towards women in general however as you spoke about a lot of abuse and derogatory comments towards women. So the question I have for you. Was there a requirement for men to be tough and powerful at all times that was culturally required and is that harmful leading men to have to be more violent, powerful, or manipulative as it often does in white culture? I'm sure there are Mexican men who fall outside of that bell curve. Do they suffer by having to be someone they're not or are they ostracized? Does much of that cultural requirement for men to be tough and strong end with women being devalued and oppressed at times?
I know it does in the culture I grew up in, maybe in different ways, but the catcalling, the assumption that we could simply touch a pretty woman and she should be ok with it, the idea that women exist to feed us and provide sex all seem extremely damaging for women to truly flourish and it also creates a culture where men feel like they all have to fit inside a box that maybe they don't naturally fit into? My assumption is that toxic masculinity (A specific strain of masculinity and certainly not existent in all men) exists across almost all cultures, religions, political ideologies, and nationalities; and that it would be a better thing if we found a more egalitarian culture.
I hope this thread is locked.
This person seems to operate under the assumption that being born white automatically bestows "privilege",
Which means it infers the same automatic privilege on white women as well.
This makes this thread poisoned by a political POV which is insulting.
I'm about fed up with your broad brush. And I'm an old school feminist. Sorry, but that's my womanly perspective.
Don't hold it against him. I'm betting he's wearing on of these as he types.
Searched the origin of this particular headpiece, and you should have seen the results!
Agree, but your War and Peace post seemingly suggested that men's unwillingness to share their feelings/emotions is 1.) Wrong and irrational and 2.) Men's own fault. The reality is that women aren't always cool with men sharing their feelings. If you really want to change society for the better - it's a two way street.
I don't think that's the answer either. But I certainly get why that movement is rapidly growing.
By “this person” do you mean me or the person I responded too. Because if you meant me, then you’ve extremely mistaken my position. As one who was born into a poor family of illegal immigrants, I disdain the idea of “white privilege”.
- Status
